Monday, October 18, 2004

Political: Hot Lips O'Reilly

Okay, even writing that made my skin crawl. As you have surmised, it's time to chat briefly about the whole Bill O'Reilly sexual harassment thing. I want to chat about it briefly in order that I say the following to all web sites, bloggers, and news outlets:

PLEASE STOP WITH THE DETAILS ABOUT BILL O'REILLY'S DIRTY TALK!

My eyes are burning! My ears are melting! My brain is dissolving! I can't take it! The man has FOREVER ruined my loofah for me. How am I supposed to exfoliate and keep my milky white skin glowing, if I can no longer bear to have a loofah in the shower with me?!

I ask you!

Enough, I say, enough!! No one wants to think about anyone 'in flagrante telephonicto' but there are some people more than others about whom it is critical to the time/space continuum that we never, ever, never ponder in mid-phone s*x:

Henry Kissinger
Dick Nixon
Martha Stewart
Rosie O'Donnell
Burt Reynolds
Your mom
Your dad
Robin Williams
Margaret Thatcher (that minx!)
Joe Torre
Donald Trump
George Costanza from Seinfeld
and...

absolutely positively never ever never ever:

Bill O'Reilly.

Short Story Long: This is not what God or nature intends for us to hear about.

2 comments:

Miko said...

This is precious. Ah, the irony. (Don't miss the reviews!)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/B00065HG1K/ref=cm_cr_dp_2_1/002-7618602-8129610?%5Fencoding=UTF8&me=ATVPDKIKX0DER

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! You are hysterical.

I would also add Sylvester Stallone to your list of people who should not be pictured talking dirty. Barbara Walters too.