Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Haggis Has a New Home

The Haggis has moved to Wordpress!

Please adjust your online habits accordingly.

See you there!

Monday, January 09, 2012

Idiots On Parade

A few opening thoughts on the state of the GOP race to the bottom:

In the year 2012, there is a credible candidate for the United States presidency who is anti-contraception. Think about that for a minute, folks. An actual candidate is in favor of states outlawing contraception. The fact that he is garnering votes perhaps says more about peoples' ability to compartmentalize evidence of outright foolery (since I'm assuming all Of his supporters do not have 5 or 6 kids with more on the way naturally) than it does Santorum's lunatic fringe jackassery.

I'm always mystified how people who believe deeply in the limited role of government are completely fine with government intrusion into female reproductive decisions. How does that make any sense? Ron Paul wants to defund this, dismantle that, who gives a crap if Iran has nukes-not our business. But my vagina? Totally his business. My uterus? On his short short list of things to care about. Yeah yeah, he says it's not the FEDERAL government's issue. Like Santorum, he is going to leave it to the states to prosecute those involved. Once again, jackassery.

But my overall Award for Jackassery Lifetime Achievement goes to the entire Republican primary electorate for rewarding the eminently qualified, electable and (hear me, children of Reagan) NOT INSANE Jon Huntsman with single digit polling numbers. Yes, he is anti-choice, which makes him toxic to me, but to you? You should like him. Reagan would have voted for Huntsman. He would have avoided the hell out of every other clown in the race unless Lee Atwater made him say hello. Reagan, although not my favorite president, understood that politics requires--REQUIRES--compromise. If you have immovable beliefs that preclude you from talking turkey with Ted Kennedy, then go join a fucking church. If you want to move your ball forward while helping your fellow Americans of all political stripes, then run for office and do what you have to do to better the lives of others, recognizing the immortal words of that great statesman Mick Jagger: you can't always get what you want.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Four More Years!

Wilkommen Bienvenue Welcome! (it sounds even better if you say it in the voice of Madeline "Lili Von Shtupp" Kahn).

Welcome to the new but not necessarily improved Star Spangled Haggis 2012. (housekeeping is ongoing, darlings)

Yeah yeah, I know I closed up shop back in the day. Just call me The Who, with my twice-a-decade farewell tours. But this election cycle has just proven too damn entertaining, infuriating and bowel-lurchingly terrifying to sit out. The web needs the progressively moderate voice of The Haggis! George Stephanopoulos and Bill O'Reilly require the profoundly erudite perspective of The Haggis in order to prep for their shows! The POTUS candidates need the laser-like insight of The Haggis in order to track the zeitgeist of the American voter! Oh, yes, friends. The Haggis is good for the web, good for America. Which is why we are back. Oh, and also because the ever-patient BabyDaddy might divorce me if I harangue him one more time about The Evils of Newt Gingrich or the Perils of Ron Paul.

So here we are. I think this is the part where I say God Bless Haggis readers, and God Bless the United States of America!