This Old Man and Other Childhood Nightmares

I make much hay of the Wiggle obsession in my home, but I have to tell you that their music is fantastic and amazing when you compare it to all the absolute and total crap out there for kids.

One such case: A CD from Sunny Day Studios called "Playtime Songs." It is so bad I can't even conjure up the words to adequately describe its badness. It's like your mom and your neighbor going into one of those amusement park "recording studios" where they sing along to a track of Lucille by Kenny Rogers or Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper, and they get to take it home for $20. Picture a woman who can semi-competently sing (but only in the upper registers) and a guy who sounds like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world, doing multiple duets on Row Row Row Your Boat, Teddy Bear Teddy Bear and The Wheels on the Bus. Perhaps the most annoying thing about the CD, besides the spectacularly amateur singing, is the fact that the lyrics all sound like they're from 1950. Por ejemplo: "Teddy Bear Teddy Bear please skidoo." What the hell is "skidoo?" "Eency Weency Spider." Who doesn't say Itsy Bitsy since circa 1977? And "This Old Man?" That song creeped me out as a kid. What exactly is "knick knack" and why is an old man doing anything like that on my thumb? And what does Paddywhack mean before he gives the dog a bone? I always thought it was a song about a creepy old man whacking a dog and then feeding it. Kept me up nights. Apparently still does...

So now picture your kid LIKING those three songs and asking fervently that they be on constant loop. I seriously consider opening a vein every time we turn it on. Which is why, I'm sad to say, that it has gone missing. Mommy has NO IDEA where it went. None at all. I'll bet we left it somewhere in the house (and by the time we get back you'll have forgotten to go look for it).

From my blog to God's ears, please.