Sunday, June 04, 2006

My Movie Reco: P*rn

Thanks to the gods of Netflix, I still have a post-toddler bedtime life. Gone are the days when parents said, "I haven't seen a new movie since I was 8-months pregnant...," because the good people at Netflix keep Chez Haggis mostly au courant when it comes to recent movies. They really are doing the lord's work over there.

So this weekend it was time for some yin and some yang: Wedding Crashers and Good Night and Good Luck. Kind of the salad and french fries of movie viewing. It's okay to watch Wedding Crashers for mind candy, because I'll also see GNAGL for somewhat mind nutrition. I've covered my bases.

As we teed up Wedding Crashers, the option appeared to watch either the "Theatrical" release or "The Directors Cut." Now, we all know (and especially the guys) that "Directors Cut" or "Extended Edition" can only mean one thing: MORE BOOBS! Yeah! It's a tease to make you rent the "Uncut" American Pie or the "Directors Cut" Latest-Scarlett-Johanssen movie, when you've already gone to the movies to see the "theatrical release." Great marketing technique, and I give them full props for coming up with it.

But here's the thing: in my limited experience with Director's Cuts, it seems that ALL you get is about 3 more minutes of boobies (which are obvious even to those of us who have not seen the movie already because of their out-of-placeness in the story), which can't possibly be worth the money and/or anticipation felt when putting the movie on your netflix cue. Especially when you think what you're going to get (I'm speaking about my guy friends) is Rachel McAdams or Natalie Portman boobies, and what you get is "Friend #3" boobies or, which you can get anywhere at anytime: Shannon Elizabeth boobies. Because certain actresses are NOT going to do full-frontal nudity, no matter how much the Directors Cut might tease you that they are. Trust me: Jessica Alba is NOT naked in Fantastic Four: The Director's Completely Unexpurgated Dirty Nasty Edition; Michael Chiklis might be, though. My point being, if you so need the extra boobies and bumpin', why not just rent p*rn?

I'll bet you'd get a lot more bang for your buck.

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