Thursday, June 08, 2006

A Little Sumthin'-Sumthin' Spilling Out the Top of My Bra!

Too bad it's back fat.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

My friends are getting married on Saturday in a black-tie event. Awesome. I have just the dress. The one I bought in 2001 for too much money that I swore I'd wear a ton of times to make it worth the investment. Guess what, kids?! It's comin' out again! You saw it in Princeton at the wedding extravaganza in 2001! You saw it New Years Eve 2002! You saw it at that thing at the place with the lady and the award in 2003! You saw it at that thing at the place with the guy and the dinner in 2004! You saw it hanging in my closet for the entire damn year of 2005 because who the hell is wearing black tie with a new baby in the house?!!

But finally, at last, it's 2006. And it's coming out of the closet, thereby bringing its "cost per use" down to the double digits. Sweet! Formal and frugal is what I'm all about.

Now only one challenge remains: ensuring the requisite lack of "back fat" to make the dress work. "What is back fat?" you ask. You know what I mean: that little bit of dorsal "bloob" that spills out over/under your bra when you've had a few too many cheetos? "Back cleavage" of the nonsexy variety. Luckily I've been thinking about the need for a fizzin' mizzen ever since I got the Save The Date card, well, since a few months ago, er, well, I've been thinking about it at least since I realized the wedding was a week away...

Which means two days of Teri Hatcher-like asceticism: mentos, diet coke and cigarettes. Or, let's be honest since I'm a nonsmoking woman with a kid: no more handfuls of M&Ms, grilled cheese sandwiches, and spaghettios until Sunday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Something tells me that back fat is not something you need to worry about, E.