Saturday, June 17, 2006

I'm a Non-Gagatarian

Y'all. I almost ate a tuna vein the other night. At least it looked like a vein. Maybe it was tuna fat. Either way, it was the last bite of tuna or meat I've eaten since then. I've developed a MAD food aversion to, as Paul McCartney put it, "anything with a face." And when I even mentally conjure the image of what I almost ate (vein or fat or godknowswhat) I get that little gaggy feeling in my throat and have to start acting like a 15 year old boy with a h*rd on to make the images go away: "Baseball! Baseball! Wicker baskets! Bonnie Franklin from One Day at a Time!"

I can't figure out how to get past the aversion--or whether I even want to--now that I've been overthinking the whole vein thing. I also unintentionally exercised the nuclear option: I went to the PETA website to see if tuna really do have veins after they are cooked. Well, g_d almighty, if I wasn't completely off the meat before, I sure am now. All I wanted was a bit of vein information, but I left with even more "gagginess" than I arrived with. They even have a whole hidden camera expose of a "kosher" slaughterhouse leaving 25% of the supposedly halachically-killed animals alive for more than 30 seconds as they stumble around with their tracheas hanging out...

So now I don't know what I am. Am I a vegetarian again? (I was a veg throughout college and for a couple of years after until a friend introduced me to Memphis BBQ). Am I just a foodie vegetarian (most likely) or am I a holier-than-thou-save-the-animals vegetarian (doubt it)? Do I want to throw paint on Beyonce for wearing fur? (Not really. At least not for the fur thing...). Am I vegan even though I harbor an overwhelming love of cheese and yogurt? (Clearly not).

So what am I? Well, you saw the title; I think I've boiled it down to being a Non-Gagatarian: If it makes me want to hurl, I can't eat it. Seems pretty straightforward, and not meat-exclusive if you consider my ongoing gag-reflexes for orange mac-and-cheese, tomato soup and guacamole. Oy vay, but so many changes in the space of three days. And all for want of a google image of a tuna vein...

Incidentally, one of the funniest sites I found in my quest for tuna vein information was this one, wherein the writer's food philosophy is summed up as "don't eat anything cute:"
Acutetarian

1 comment:

Heidi Klefstad said...

I feel your pain. And I agree, vegan is too difficult...cheese is too good.