Wednesday, December 05, 2007


So today is another Dana Farber appointment, my last I believe, for 2007. Weird. I used to practically live there and now I'm saying, "See you next year" even before that December show with the burning log in the fireplace starts to air. Double Weird. Made Triple Weird by the fact that I keep seeing the staff member who administered my original baseline EKG pre-transplant. I see him all the time, to the extent that I wonder how many EKGs he actually manages to deliver in a day seeing as he's always walking officiously through patient waiting areas but not in the direction of the EKG department. The reason I recall him so vividly is Quadruple Weird in that he is a dead ringer for James Lipton of Inside The Actor's Studio. At the time I wasn't feeling so jolly-japes about it, but now whenever I see him I immediately imagine him putting those sticky squares on my bare chest and saying, "Fret not, Good Lady! This is merely an exercise to determine your preference for the Stanislavski-Strasberg vs. the Meisner-Adler schools of thought in dramatic performance! Hone your craft, mademoiselle!" And then I laugh out loud. Sitting by myself. In a crowded waiting room. Where my co-patients are probably thinking, "That chick is Quintuple Weird."

So, in honor of Mr. EKG Lipton and the fact that I won't be seeing him until 2008 (and the fact that I never thought *I'd* see 2008 and here we are regardless), I ask you to complete Lipton's famous Ten Questions just to help yourself get over Hump Day:

1. What is your favorite word? "ridonculous"
2. What is your least favorite word? nostril
3. What turns you on? A good looking man in a kilt
4. What turns you off? Smoking
5. What is your favorite curse word? The F Word. Not because it's "favorite" but because it just comes out, so it's therefore my most used curse word. Sorry Mom.
6. What sound or noise do you love? Bambina's laugh.
7. What sound or noise do you hate? O'Reilly talking.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Fashion critic.
9. What profession would you not like to attempt? Law, as in the long hours/no life/no perspective kind of practice.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Honey, you are DECADES late!!

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