Friday, October 05, 2007

The Iconic Woman

I wish the people who make TV shows had a shred of decency. Not the no-sex kind, but the respect-for-memories kind. I'm speaking of course about the new Bionic Woman show. I so wanted to like this show; I almost needed to like this show. But this show is terrible in ways too numerous to detail. I will therefore break it all down to three:

1. They effed with the original plot, such as it was, of a beloved childhood show for millions of people. In the pilot alone, we are treated to the "evil" former bionic woman, Jaime's ingrate of a younger sister, the death of her boyfriend, and various histrionics masquerading as acting. The 70's show was a bit camp, it had humor (some of it even intentional), and it made Jaime Sommers seem both approachable and untouchable. This version is needlessly dark, completely hammy (but not in the 70's good way), and devoid of all sense of interest in Jaime. In this version she's pouty, annoying and totally unbelievable in the role.

2. Maybe I've been spoiled by Heroes, but they don't highlight her bionic abilities very much, beyond having her do something heroic with her arm once in a while and having her hearing kick in in a way that annoys her. The lack of real bionic fun is due partly to the plot saying she is unwilling to use her bionic powers; to her constant annoyance at having this new power. The power of the original was in Jaime's interest in beating the bad guys. In this one, we are stuck watching her have a mini-epiphany about helping people over a copy of What Color Is Your Parachute and a conversation with Isaiah Washington. Annoyance plus faux epiphany. Need I say more?

3. Three Words: No Oscar Goldman. Yeah, they've got Miguel Ferrer in some pseudo-Oscar role. But no Oscar himself. Which should have, in and of itself, halted this misguided remake in its tracks.


Anonymous said...

In the new version do they play that same ba nah nah nah nah sound when she uses her bionic powers? Because that was really the coolest part of the show

Anonymous said...

Your comment that it is too dark makes me afraid to ask you about the new version of BSG.

Now, I had a serious crush on Lindsay Wagner back in the day, and wanted to be a courderoy-jacketed Steve Austin with all of my pre-pubescent heart. But, E, come on -- it was bad in every way that something produced in the 70s could be bad.

Not that the new show has much going for it. Some good actors, like Miguel (he can't hold a candle to his Dad), but the lead doesn't impress me as an actor -- her line readings are somewhat wooden. Or silicon, whatever.

[Crass Guy Hat] Nice rack, though.[/Crass guy hat]

Bonus obscure 70s show trivia points if you can tell me whether it is important to see if Miguel's character eats in one of the early episodes.


Anonymous said...

The "evil" former bionic woman? I have not had the "pleasure" of seeing the new show, but such a betrayal of the old storyline seems as great a sin as Tom Cruise's Mission Impossible 1 making Jon Voight's Jim Phelps a turncoat. What's the point of investing in the exploitation of the good will of a popular name-brand show by trashing the characters who made the show great? Misguided, wasteful and silly. Guillermo.