Wednesday, October 10, 2007

How Can You Miss Me If I Won't Go Away?

Today was my last weekly appointment at Dana Farber. From here on out, it's pretty much going to be monthly visits. Great news on all fronts, of course. But some part of me feels like a wee bird being shoved out of the nest. Which of course is the whole point: get me on the road to recovery, send me on my way (such as it is in-house) and then make room for the people earlier along that road to have their weekly intensive check-ups. But it is indeed a weird feeling. As much as I loathed the weekly weigh-ins and bloodletting I think there was a psychic comfort in knowing that I was being well-tended-to by experts, that no matter what came up, it was always 6 days or less till I'd have my mind eased. Obviously, I could get an appointment for 20 minutes from now if I needed one, but not having that weekly check-in will take an adjustment. Until today, it was their job to check me; now it will be my job to check me: to do a daily check for signs of Graft-Versus-Host, to do a mental check-in on anything different or out of the ordinary, and to continue to just accept that fact that my life is somewhat proscribed until further notice.

On the upside, I have plenty to keep me busy. Bambina has decided that she is no longer the incarnation of her preschool teachers. She is Barbara from the Dan Zanes Band. Barbara is a Diane Lane-looking hot older (?) lady who plays mandolin, guitar and violin in the band. She wears kooky bright colorful clothes and has (Bambina's key ingredient for love these days) dark straight hair. Every morning I have to pretend to be Bambina waiting for Barbara and Dan (she is also simultaneously Dan, but he is more of a bit player who tags along with Barbara) to come to my house for breakfast. Then we sing the song "Malti," which is in Spanish (thank you, Dan Zanes Band for teaching my kid another language!), and we discuss whether Barbara will be wearing her purple or orange tights today with her red jeans and pajama shirt. After preschool we sing the entire Dan Zanes Band catalog, spending extra time on "Malti," "Waltzing Matilda," and "Tennessee Wig Walk." By then it's time to ask Barbara whether she wants a dinner-dinner (one regular meal, like mac&cheese) or mezze (a bunch of little plates, like brie and pita chips, sliced apples, a leftover sauteed jumbo scallop, and some almonds). Barbara usually chooses dinner-dinner, but every so often Dan demands the mezze for his brie fix.

So it's been all fun and games with DZ and Friends. Although, Barbara's been around for a while now. She's cool and all, but I'm getting tired of calling her and asking her when she and Dan are coming over to sing 357 songs before dinner...

Hmmm....Maybe Dana Farber has a point on constant visits after all: How can you miss someone who won't go away?

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