Monday, October 29, 2007

How The Other Half Lives

So today Bambina and I were doing jumping jacks for fun while counting.
I did 100 without blinking.
And recovered my breath in about 4 seconds.
I turned to the Baby Daddy and said, "Is this normal? Am I okay?" He assured me that, yes indeed, even the most marginally fit person with normal bone marrow function will be able to do 100 jumping jacks without keeling over.

Forget keeling over; as the Brits say, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I don't think, now that I look back on my life, that I've ever really known how you all have been living lo these many years. How the hell was I functioning with less than 25% bone marrow? How was I working out? How was I parenting my child? How the hell was I getting up in the morning and not collapsing by day's end? (oh wait--that I did). But seriously. I've been missing out! It's kind of like (although actually not really) that SNL skit with Eddie Murphy where he impersonates a white guy and all of a sudden he tries to pay for stuff but the newspapers are free, the bus is a party, life is just wildly different from his previous experience:
Eddie Murphy: You know, a lot of people talk about racial prejudice. And some people have gone so far as to say that there are actually two Americas: one black and one white. But talk is cheap. So I decided to look into the problem myself, firsthand. To go underground and actually experience America.. as a white man.

[ Eddie walks onto the street, the perfect portrait of a white man. He enters a convenience store, grabs a newspaper and drops it on the counter. ]

Clerk: What are you doing?

Eddie Murphy: I'm buying this newspaper.

Clerk: That's all right. There's nobody around. Go ahead, take it. Take it. [ Eddie gives him a quizzical look ] Go ahead, take it. Yeah. Take it. Take it.

[ Eddie takes the newspaper, and cautiously exits ]

Eddie Murphy Voiceover: Slowly, I began to realize that when white people are alone, they give things to each other for free.
[ cut to Eddie catching a bus. He sits down between two white women. ]

Eddie Murphy Voiceover: There was only one other black man on the bus. He got off on 45th Street. [ the busdriver looks around the bus carefully, then sets a party in motion, complete with music and cigarette girls ] The problem was much more serious than I'd ever imagined...

Yep. This "moving around without thinking your head will explode after 10 steps" thing has been your big secret. But the secret's out, y'all. Now I know what humans can do when appropriately fueled: hundreds and hundreds of jumping jacks.

Followed by a free newspaper.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You were obviously in better shape then me even with bad bone marrow-and are now in better shape than me even after a transplant-because I most def WOULD keel over after 100 jumping jacks. I'm going to chalk it all up to your heroism rather than my laziness. :-)