Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Hard Truth About Soft Rock

So, as threatened, I am here at Chez Mohs getting the last thing on my face removed. Thank heaven they have wifi. Curse the gods that they have piped-in radio from one of those "the hits of yesterday and today, all day" stations. Today's playlist so far?

--Please Forgive Me, Bryan Adams
--Fields of Gold, Sting
--Voiceover by Dido, saying the radio station's call letters
--My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion
--Crazy For You, Madonna
--Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Poison
--Thats What Friends are For, Dionne and Friends
--Inconsolable, the new one from the Backstreet Boys
--Voiceover by Mike Reno of Loverboy
--Almost Paradise, by Mike Reno and Ann Wilson of Heart

I needn't tell you that the only pain I am feeling at the moment is that of being trapped in a situation that forces me to slowly and substantively come to terms with the fact that the songs of my adolescence are now the songs of cheesy "adult contemporary" radio play, "at the office, at home and in your car! Nine hits in a row, every time!"

Now we just need freakin' Bananarama doing Cruel Summer and the Footloose/Karate Kid/ VisionQuest adult contemporary/spit-on-my-memories trifecta will be complete. No, no. What we need is Journey's "Faithfully" so I can totally relive the time my boyfriend broke up with me in high school and I spent the rest of the night listening to every song Journey has ever written and crying my eyes out. Yeah, bring that on. Because there's no humiliation like nostalgic humiliation courtesy of Steve Perry and Neal Schon. Although, they could also play You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi and I'll be reminded of that most 80's of truisms: Whenever life makes you feel small, the cure is to make your hair bigger.

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