Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Top Whatever of 2005

Tis the season for lazy broadcasting. I am speaking of the long-awaited and much-maligned practice of filling TV time with "VH1's Top Boob Jobs of 2005" and "WWE's Craziest Motherf*&^%rs of 2005" and their ilk.

I cannot stand these shows, although it must be the greatest job in the world to put them together. Can you see the staff meeting: "Okay, kids! This month we are doing NO original work! So go out and get hammered nightly, stay up till all hours banging your new girlfriends, playing video games, whatever. Because we will require exactly ZERO HOURS of your intellect during the month of December! Mazel Tov!"

I'd love a job like that, where you simply compile a list of things you deem "the best," "the worst," "the funniest," "the stupidest," "the most axis of evilest," and you're home for dinner by 5pm. All you need is for other people to be best, worst, stupid, funny or evil and you're laughing all the way to the bank.

Which gives me an idea.....

Let's initiate The Haggis' Top Something of 2005! But what? Top statements made by a politician that sound made-up? Crappiest hemoglobin levels of 2005? Top Ten Celebrity Breakups that Mirror our Situation in Iraq?

yeah! That's it! Top Ten Celebrity Breakups that Mirror our Situation in Iraq.

I'll do Number Ten:

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey: "Journalists" were embedded with them (for their MTV show) to highlight the rosy state of affairs. Publicists told us for months that things were just fine, that no betrayal or lying had occurred and that the situation was better than ever. The divorce is underway, and no weapons of mass destruction have been found.

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