People who know me see me as this sort of funny, very upbeat, totally positive individual. (I think. Unless you want to add "deluded" to that list...) But only the people who know me best (and I guess now, you, dear reader) know that I have a very nasty alter ego I have named Bitter Betty.
E sees someone saying something annoying and thinks, "you are more to be pitied than scorned. Or, actually, you are pitied in my heart but scorned on my blog." Bitter Betty, alternatively, says, "F*** you, a-wipe, for thinking that!"
Bitter Betty was out in force today. Bitter Betty was not havin' it. She was not playin' wit you. And she most certainly was not gettin' wit how you roll.
To wit, I was in full-on Betty mode. I went to what I thought was a routine doctor's appointment only to find out I am falling apart hematologically. Just some seriously crappy blood counts leading to some very solemn "hmmming" and "I seeing" from my doctor, leading to me getting mad that I can't seem to buy a break these days, leading to me deciding to hate stupid people who don't know how good they've got it.
I ended up at a "regular" hospital rather than at NIH (which is a whole separate post you don't even want to begin reading), and I sh*t you not, was sitting in a waiting room listening to one of the hospital staff talk about how "totally bummed" she is to be turning 30. I tried to ignore her, but she kept yammering away to her colleagues about "Yep. Three-Oh has really got me sad; I'm not handling it well." It was literally all I could do to not get out of my chair, walk up to her behind The Desk and say, "FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID MORONIC BITCH! WHAT IS YOUR PLANNED ALTERNATIVE TO TURNING THIRTY AND THANKING GOD FOR THE GOOD FORTUNE TO DO SO?!!?" I'm like, you are sitting behind the desk in a freakin' hematology/oncology department and you are seriously going on and on about how you're so sad and so not prepared for another birthday?!! Could you take that outside? Did you not notice yourself surrounded by people--22 and 33 and 55 and 78--who are PRAYING for another birthday?!! FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID, SELFISH, MORONIC, SELF-INVOLVED BITCH!"
Um. Did I just say that out loud?
Good thing I didn't! But I was definitely thinking it. Actually, Bitter Betty was. E was all peace and goodwill and continuous dedication to finding humor in tragedy.
Blame it on Betty. Who apparently puts * in the word shit but puts fuck in ALL CAPS.