Sunday, August 26, 2007

Trash That 'Stache

From The Guardian:
Campaigning against what they say is widespread and unacceptable discrimination in the workplace and society, the American Moustache Institute (AMI) is vowing to restore well-tended facial hair to the noble status it enjoyed in the Seventies. The institute is now dedicated to fighting to create a "climate of acceptance and understanding" for all moustached Americans alike. The evidence that this is one more minority group with reason for a grievance is compelling. A recent poll found more than half of American women would refuse to kiss a man with a moustache. Others have said the look reminds them of Village People, Seventies porn stars and rednecks.

Last year the US Supreme Court ruled that it was permissible for a trial lawyer to throw someone off a jury using the pretext that they have a moustache. The AMI stands ready to assist any American who claims they have been discriminated against and wishes to bring court action. Executive director Aaron Perlut, 36, a public relations executive who sports a Fu Manchu-style "horseshoe" moustache, told The Sunday Telegraph: "There's no question that there exists a measure of discrimination. People feel they have to shave before a job interview. We view ourselves as the American Civil Liberties Union for the moustache. But we know that we can win over young people for whom a moustache is a perfect means of self expression - and it's easier than a tattoo." He dates the death of the moustache to the departure from American television screens in 1984 of news anchorman Walter Cronkite, owner of "the most trusted moustache in the media", and the end of Tom Selleck's reign as fictional private eye Magnum in 1988.

As I've said before, the appeal of Tom Selleck as Magnum continues to elude me two decades later, not seeing the delta between him and Geraldo. And, as I've also said before, there are an infinitesimally small number of men with facial hair who don't look better without it. The truth is, gentlemen of the hirsute visage, that moustaches are like the all-too-famous combover: There's not a bald dude out there who looks older than a guy with a combover. The happier truth is that once you find the courage to let it go, you can't believe you held onto it for so long.
See? Even Brad Pitt benefits from a shave:

UPDATE: How could I forget Brandon Flowers, singer from The Killers, the most illustrative example of what a moustache can do to an otherwise beautiful and lovely and delicious man. I give you the Before, a dollop of gorgeous all-American yumminess, and the After, the dude you don't let near your kid.

1 comment:

E said...

Although, only half-points to Brad for leaving the did-he-miss-a-spot goatee on the chin...