1. (Senator George Allen) If someone asks you if your mom might be Jewish, feel free to respond in any manner other than one that implies the questioner inquired as to whether your mom sucks off homeless men for hits of crack. It's okay to have a Jew in the family, George. Especially around Christmas time because we don't require any gifts and we have no expectations of a perfect Norman Rockwell noel! It's like having all the family with only some of the holiday stress.
2. (John Kerry) If you're not a comedian, don't tell jokes that have an edge. Tell a knock-knock joke that everyone has heard. Don't even approach a topic like war or death with humor if you aren't Richard freakin' Pryor...and even then, save it for your local Laugh Shack Local Celebrity Night for charity, not the campaign trail. I tried to do something I thought would be funny/edgy once with an old friend. Didn't read my audience accurately (ie, he didn't find it at all funny in the least), didn't mean any harm, but completely looked like an a**hole. And of course after the fact once you see how totally not funny your "joke" was, there is NO credible way to say that you really didn't mean any harm, even though you really didn't mean any harm. I don't do sight gags and I don't do practical jokes anymore, but the damage is done. I could cure cancer, but I'm sure to a small number of people I'll always be "that friend of yours who was a total a-hole! How could she have thought that was funny?!!" Go ye and do likewise (ie, own the fact that you are not Jamie Kennedy or Sasha Baron Cohen), Mr. Kerry.
3. If you are the Veterans of Foreign Wars (Illinois), you really ought to support the candidate who had her legs and arm blown off in Iraq (Tammy Duckworth), over her opponent who is not a member of your organization. It looks bad for veterans if a vets organization actively opposes one of their own for congress, especially one who has gone so far as to start a whole foundation dedicated to providing long-term care to injured soldiers, in favor of a person who has never served but who simply supports the Bush administration's approach to Iraq. I'm not saying that service in the military earns you an automatic endorsement, but for heaven's sake, it ought to count for something--especially to a group that brands itself as a voice for veterans. As Bob Kerrey said, they ought to be ashamed.
4. (Rush Limbaugh) If you don't agree with people in power, you should not be shilling for them on your radio show. I cannot believe his November 8th quote has not gotten more press:
The way I feel is this: I feel liberated, and I'm going to tell you as plainly as I can why. I no longer am going to have to carry the water for people who I don't think deserve having their water carried. Now, you might say, "Well, why have you been doing it?" Because the stakes are high. Even though the Republican Party let us down, to me they represent a far better future for my beliefs and therefore the country's than the Democrat Party and liberalism does. I believe my side is worthy of victory, and I believe it's much easier to reform things that are going wrong on my side from a position of strength. Now I'm liberated from having to constantly come in here every day and try to buck up a bunch of people who don't deserve it, to try to carry the water and make excuses for people who don't deserve it. I did not want to sit here and participate, willingly, in the victory of the libs, in the victory of the Democrat Party by sabotaging my own.Rush, you are absolutely demonstrating the reason why the Republican party is in the tatters it is: you believe that not actively shilling for someone in your party, whom you don't even like or agree with, is sabotage. Why not just talk about something else? And why not try all that "reform" you mention while the sh*t is hitting the fan? You wait for it all to fall down around you and then you say, "I want to help reform!"? If this President had listened to the American people in the past two years, if he had allowed honest, patriotic debate in the past two years without labeling it treasonous dissent, if he had shown one ounce of interest in hearing something besides, "Yes, your Excellency. It shall be done," his party wouldn't have received the "thumpin" it did on Tuesday. The essence of democracy is that the people are heard by their government, that the PEOPLE hold the power over the government, and as such are entitled to say whatever the hell they want to about it without being told by after-the-fact a**holes like yourself that they are not patriotic Americans. If there was ever a shred of doubt that you are a morally-rudderless human being, Rush, your post-election statement eliminates it. If Republicans were smart, they'd loathe you now as much as we do.