You know how every family has the Drunk Uncle or the Paxil Addicted Aunt or the Overly Judgmental Sibling? You know, the relative that kind of embarrasses you but that you love regardless? The one you would never consider not inviting to the family barbeque, but who you just KNOW is going to do something to make themselves--and perhaps your family--look bad?
Well, what if all the organizations dedicated to family planning are, indeed, a family? It seems clear, then, that Planned Parenthood is our Uncle Drunky Pants.
What on earth were these lunatics thinking?! To celebrate the anniversary of the right of an American woman to make a personal decision about birth control, Planned Parenthood, the grande dame of women's reproductive health, decided to roll out waving, cheering STUFFED PILL replete with free cupcakes?!! They had a bunch of twentysomething women cheering "woo hoo!" as they handed out the cupcakes and regaled visitors to Union Station with their big stuffed Ortho Tri-Cyclen guy. (Kind of like the big Kool-Aid guy you remember from your childhood in the 80's, but just far less appropriate.)
Um, can we chat for a moment away from the kids, Uncle Drunky Pants? You know, I appreciate how you THOUGHT what you did would be funny and festive, but making light of something as important as reproductive rights in the current political climate just strikes me as inappropriate and borderline self-immolating. The 'Pubs already think we take abortion lightly, that the pill simply allows a bunch of urban hos to have sex with impunity, that the sex education and health care access that PP provides simply encourage promiscuous behavior. So, tell me, why get all jovial about Griswold v. Connecticut? PP's efforts are important and serious and necessary...and in danger of being hacked off at the knees by conservatives every single d*mn day of the year, and certainly not in the running for "most beloved public issue." So why trivialize Griswold with a misguided birthday celebration? Was that the best you could come up with? How many people did you have in the meeting? When exactly are you firing your fundraising/marketing agency? How much had you all had to drink when this plan was hatched?
I mean, every anniversary of any political or historical event could ostensibly be "celebrated" with a birthday. But would it be appropriate? Let's light the candles and sing Happy Birthday for the anniversary of The Surrender at Appomattox Courthouse, the release of the US hostages in Iran, the liberation of the Nazi deathcamps. Whaddaya say?! We'll have a big stuffed General Lee bobblehead character handing out slices of red velvet cake and mint juleps! Woo Hoo!
I guess you can tell I'm a bit stunned. For a bunch of smart women, this sure was a dumb idea.