You've heard of Chinese Water Torture. You've heard of The Rack. You've heard of the electrodes on the privates torture. You've heard of Crying Baby on Airplane torture. Is it just me, or is there also Barking Dog Torture?
We have new neighbors two doors down. Really seemingly nice people. Three dogs. Big dogs. In a 15x15 yard. The dogs are out all day while the owners are away. Would you think I was lying if I told you that all three dogs bark NONSTOP for NINE HOURS until the owners come home? NINE HOURS. NONSTOP. If one dog stops to take a breath, the other two are still at it.
I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it.
And I am someone who LIKES dogs. Especially big ones.
But I just can't take the noise anymore. It is like a freaking hammer to my skull for 540 minutes each day until they come home from work. Last week was beautiful weather: 73 degrees every day with a nice breeze. I opened all the windows and doors to get the fresh air in and was just lovin' life....until...8:30am when the barking started. And then did not stop. 9am. 9:30am. 10:30am. All the way to 12:30pm when it was the bambina's afternoon nap time when I had to close all the windows on her side of the house because she couldn't settle down and get to sleep with all the ruckus going on outside. So on a beautiful day, I had to close all my windows and turn on the AC so that a) my kid could get to, and stay, asleep and b) so I could stop thinking about how someone might lose their mind and throw some rat poison milkbone over that g*****n fence. It's a terrible thing to think, but if you can imagine NINE HOURS--32,400 seconds--of three dogs' constant barking to the extent that you cannot open your windows, cannot sit outside, cannot hear yourself think, then it starts to be an understandable evil fantasy.
I was thinking it was just me, until I saw three separate neighbors come down the alley and ask which house all the barking was coming from. I felt a little less evil, realizing that the noise really actually was so unbearable that people were leaving their homes and walking down an alley to find the source.
So--what to do, dear readers? My plan is to go knock on their door and tell them that I'm concerned for their dogs because "they are obviously in distress all day while you are gone, since they bark unremittingly for 9 hours." Then wait and see what the reaction is. If it was my dog, I'd feel just awful to hear that a) my dog was barking himself hoarse for a full day, and b) my neighbors were beginning to hate him--and me--because of it. Surely you can train a dog not to bark, right? Can you keep them inside? Can you recognize that you bought a rowhouse in the city that is wholly unconducive to giving three large dogs the space they need?
What would you do? I want to go in assuming that they will be genuinely surprised to hear that the dogs bark and that they will want to do something to fix it. But I need to be prepared for them to take offense on behalf of their dogs and chalk me and my neighbors up as dog haters, even though I myself am nothing of the sort.
Although I will say that 3,740 hours of barking could understandably turn me into one. HELP!