I’m watching The Contender right now (don’t ask; it’s on and I’m working on my laptop and I’m too lazy to change the channel). The showdown fight is between one guy who constantly talks about how he boxes for his kids and another guy who constantly talks about how he boxes for The Lord. I find both men to be incredibly annoying, but I can feel my blood particularly boiling at The Lord’s Chosen Pugilist. As he went on and on about how he was there for The Lord and how The Lord wouldn’t bring him this far to see him lose a boxing match, I kept shouting at the TV, “God is busy! He’s not watching your boxing match! There are starving children and wartorn lands to worry about; God does not give a celestial rat’s a** about your boxing match!” I mean, what kind of unmitigated, breathtaking level of self-involvement does it take to imagine that The Lord Himself is invested in you winning a TV boxing match?! I’m just astonished, which maybe shows my appalling lack of being saved; I don’t know. But how do you go through life thinking that The Lord Himself is intimately interested and involved in ensuring that you win a contest “for his glory”? How do mere humans get to decide what The Lord Himself deems blessed or important? Just by saying so?
Well, in that case, I am hereby stating that The Lord Himself has anointed this blog. Because there’s nothing The Lord values more than a smart-mouthed haggis wrapped in the stars and stripes.
Can I get a witness?!!