Renowned adulterer and liar Jimmy Swaggart takes "jokingly" violent exception to the cardinal sin and disgrace that is two people in a committed, faithful relationship. He then commits the further deadly sin (at least in the Potter house circa 1990) of offering the lamest, most insincere non-apology in the history of the world (except for my personal favorite from my senior year of high school: "if you and Dad were saddened and disappointed by me going to the beach instead of going to school, and then lying to you about it, then I offer my sincere apology that you felt that way.") Much like the Reverend Swaggart's "noa culpa" below, mine was not accepted and a sound a**-kicking rightfully ensued.
Enjoy for yourself:
BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) -- Evangelist Jimmy Swaggart apologized Wednesday for saying in a televised worship service that he would kill any gay man who looked at him romantically.
A complaint was filed with a Canadian broadcasting group, and Swaggart said his Baton Rouge-based Jimmy Swaggart Ministries has received complaints from gay groups over the remarks made on the Sept. 12 telecast.
In the broadcast, Swaggart was discussing his opposition to gay marriage when he said "I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry."
"And I'm going to be blunt and plain: If one ever looks at me like that, I'm going to kill him and tell God he died," Swaggart said to laughter and applause from the congregation.
On Wednesday, Swaggart said he has jokingly used the expression "killing someone and telling God he died" thousands of times, about all sorts of people. He said the expression is figurative and not meant to harm.
"It's a humorous statement that doesn't mean anything. You can't lie to God - it's ridiculous," Swaggart told The Associated Press. "If it's an insult, I certainly didn't think it was, but if they are offended, then I certainly offer an apology."
Short Story Long: Honestly, Jimmy. You have nothing to fear. No gay man has ever seen YOU and wanted to get married.