Thursday, September 30, 2004

My Crushes: Old Sailors

{With my co-author Jennifer}

Just spent an evening in Annapolis with my girl Jen. If you have not yet visited Annapolis, you must go. It is beautiful! Boats, water, history, politics, naval midshipmen: Annapolis has it all. It is a town that takes both its sailing and its politics seriously. Where else can the word "plenipotentiary" appear on a sign and the residents know what it means?

Anyway, Annapolis' has more strangely attractive older sailors per capita than anywhere I've ever been. Nota bene, Jen and I are not talking about either the strapping young Naval Academy darlings or the punk-a** young guys smelling of Bay Rum and swilling Mount Gay like it's going out of style. Nope. We're talkin' 'bout hot weathered old salts who've still got it goin' on.

Short Story Long: There is something ineffably appealing about aging sailors, and with that in mind, Jen and I submit for your approval and input:

The Definitive List of Hot Older Sailor Attributes

1) All clothing made of salted, sunbleached fabrics.
2) Shorts worn year-round regardless of temperature or precipitation
3) Leathery but touchable skin
4) Permanently "sun-kissed" nose and ears
5) Baseball cap worn perpetually to cover thinning hair...and prevent scalp burn
6) Toned, fit legs under an ample "post-regatta" beer belly
7) Nicknames like Skipper or Cap'n
8) Habit of using terms like "hoist," "trim," and "at the helm" in non-sailing contexts
9) Can still give a run for the money in a race even when bending over to tie their shoelaces is sometimes a challenge
10) Ballast, baby! Ballast!

1 comment:

Vigilante said...

2- no socks.
5-Not 'baseball caps', as they lack reinforced crowns; they're 'lids'; they lie flattened on the forehead and their bills are usually asymmetrically bent; add broad brim canvas hats.
6-Add scars and scabs to the gnarly legs.
7-Lose the nicknames.
8- There are no non-sailing contexts.
10. "ballast"? You mean Rail-meat?

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me
an invincible summer. - Camus