Thursday, September 20, 2007

My 365 Step Program

Today is Day 114 in my neverending, yet so far thankfully unremarkable, bone marrow saga. The day holds no particular significance, but it does confirm my belief that the notion of taking this whole thing "day by day" is wildly off the mark, at least for me. I know the day by day approach works for alcoholism recovery, for counting down the last three weeks of a job you can't wait to leave, etc. But for a 365 day house arrest it simply guarantees constant frustration. To be fair, it's not like I'm in a Turkish prison eating cockroaches in the dark. I have pretty swank digs, I've got my family, I've got this laptop--my lifeline to the outside world. No one need have a pity party for me. Even in my current good but precarious health, I'm still doing exponentially better than much of the world's population, so gratitude for my blessings is a given.

However. If I got up every day and said, "Hey! Today is Day 113, 114, 115..." I'd probably open a vein. Obviously I am fully cognizant of the fact that every day post-May 29, 2007 that I wake up and say anything is a beautiful day. Believe me. But the long slog through 365 days where you can't really go anywhere or do anything, where you can't walk your kid into her preschool, meet her teachers or her friends, or just take her to the library; where you can't buy your own underwear or deodorant, can't offer any real help around the house (no laundry, no cleaning, no going to the basement, no touching or inhaling cleaning materials) even though you are the only person who actually would have the time to get a ton of stuff accomplished, truly is a very long psychological slog.

So I've given up the notion of taking anything "day by day" and moved on instead to "random milestone by random milestone." So we've had the 100 days. We will now move on to November 30th, a day that is all about the math. On November 30th I will have officially completed more of the 365 days than those that remain till next May. It's my 50% +1 milestone. Thereafter, we will celebrate at 12:01am on January 1, 2008. Because once it's 2008, I no longer have to say that I'll be better NEXT year; it will be THIS year. And, really, once you're in January, how far away is May really? If you're doing it day-by-day it's 150 days is what it is! But if you're counting down through the Hallmark holidays, it's but a small wisp of time till I'm back in the game.

And believe me, that game is gonna get UGLY. I've got lots of missed shoe shopping to make up for. How much? Oh, about 365 days worth.

1 comment:

nm in mn said...

Just remember some wise information that was passed along to my wife at our wedding...."Always pay cash for shoes".
I wish I knew who gave her that gem...I'd love to thank them....