Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I'm Saved!

Chez Haggis received a lovely newsletter on our doorstep over the weekend from the august Tony Alamo, leader of the New Jerusalem Churches Worldwide.

Oh boy! I read it and could not wait to share its gospel of good news, hope, and love in Jesus Christ. For example:

"What hope can be had by the unsaved, defiant, sinful wretches of this age, those who reject God's beloved Son, Christ Jesus...those who refuse to follow God's life-giving words of instruction, but instead worship false religions such as Hinduisim, Shintoism, Mohammedanism, Buddhism, Satanism, Catholicism, and every other 'ism' including Judaism (because it rejects Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior the Messiah)...."

Who in the hell still says, "Mohammedanism?" And who puts Satanism with other religions? Geez, this guy is a real peach. And just when you thought it couldn't get worse, get a load of this little piece of God's Good News--

"God is allowing [these plagues] to happen throughout the world, just as He allowed Titus, Babylon and Nazi Germany to overpower his own chosen people. I've said this in the past, and I'll say it again: If God has allowed such things to happen to his own highly chosen people, what do you think he's going to do to you Gentiles, those of you who worship idols and commit other abominable sins?...You'd think the people of Indonesia and India would wake up, as well as the people of Florida...All of them have suffered terribly from earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, pestilence and many other plagues..."

Can you feel the power of the joy of the Holy Spirit?! Woo Hee!!! I see the light! I feel the love! May you feel it too. Unless you have been ravaged by natural disasters, in which case you deserve all the pestilence you get.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This guy (Tony Alamo) is just flat out scary. The only thing that his publications are good for is providing tray liner for bird cages and paper to burn in your fireplace in the winter.

I stress to all of those out there who may actually be interested in learning more about Jesus Christ, do yourself two very big favors - 1.) burn anything ever published and freely given away by Tony Alamo and his ilk, and b.) go to church.

E., may your eyes not forever be blinded and burned by what you have read, and may your heart not be closed to what the REAL story behind Jesus Christ is. Not that I have all the answers, but I am pretty sure that Alamo most certainly does not.

Miko said...

Oy.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Catholics don't believe that Jesus is the Son of God? Well, someone better tell us because we have been believing that from the beginning. Man, I'm glad this guy told us :P :)