Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Good Clean City Livin'

The Baby Daddy and I were chatting yesterday about how important it is for the Bambina to grow up in DC, to have a slice of the world at her fingertips, to have the Smithsonian museums, the Capitol at the end of her street, the political vibe, the wonderful parks and neighborhoods, all of the things that make DC such a neat place to reside.

No sooner had we said that, while walking through one of the "wonderful parks," than I looked over to see a homeless dude lying prostrate on a park bench--JERKING IT. Seriously! At 2pm! Broad daylight! Just layin' down, takin' care of business. Although she was completely oblivious, we hustled the Bambina out of there ASAP. Not to mention ourselves!

As I thought/laughed about/was disgusted by it later, I realized that there was a silver lining, perhaps two.

One: At least he didn't whip it out. All of the activity was going on "indoors" so there was no full frontal situation. Just a whole lot of "activity" akin to someone tucking a shirt into his pants---over and over again while grunting. Bleeaaah.

Two: Not that I want my child anywhere near the onanism section of any park, but maybe there is some value in life to having been surrounded by total f'ing weirdos as a child, in that you are far better able to deal with, ignore, or smack down the weirdos who will find you later no matter where you live.

In either case, however, the next time it happens I'm going to tell him to move the party behind a bush or something. yeah right! The only thing you should do when confronted with a man engaged in public "self-love" is engage in a swift dash in the opposite direction. But you already knew that.

1 comment:

kingoftherabbits said...

Not long ago, I was walking in front of the Natural History Museum in NYC a couple of hours before it opened, sort of wishing I was raising the rabbits in a city when a guy like your friend whipped it out and started peeing right there on the sidewalk, not hiding it at all. I didn't quite get any on my shoes, and I had similar thoughts to yours.