Friday, May 15, 2009

Waterboarding for Charity

That's right, kids! I'm getting waterboarded today for charity! Only, it's called a "nasal wash" at Dana Farber, and the charity is ME. I've been feeling kind of blah for a few days, so tired that I was going to bed at 8pm, achy, lightheaded, etc. So the Medical Machine has sprung to life once again.

Today is nasal wash, chest x-ray, bloodwork and whatever else pops up so I can get back to feeling better. I wrote a post maybe a year ago about my previous nasal wash, that I'll link to as soon as I can find it. It summarizes quite descriptively how I will be suspended at an angle with water pushed into my nose until I gag, all for the purposes of collecting the resulting effluvia. Nice. I could feel bad for myself, but I actually feel worse for the guy who has to go through said effluvia looking for swine flu. That's a job I don't want.

Speaking of waterboarding, how hilariously not-credible is Nancy Pelosi's declaration that she was not, in fact, briefed on waterboarding during that briefing on waterboarding? She's tripping all over herself to escape the inescapable fact that she no doubt heard about waterboarding at that briefing.

My best political advice for getting out of the Gordian knot she has created?

Admit--in a televised news conference--to "sexting" the reclusive Mr. Pelosi during the briefing. Yep! "I regret that my desire for marital relations enhanced by technology caused me to miss the reference to waterboarding. I assure my constituents and the American people that this will never happen again. My text minutes have been suspended, and any future briefings of great import to national security will have my full and undivided attention. LOL. CUL8R!"

1 comment:

Utah Savage said...

Good luck on the waterboarding. I hope your effluvia runs clear.