America's Sure Shot

I've been avoiding bringing up the Dick Cheney-shoots-friend-in-face story because it seems too easy, too perfect, too...something to be worthy of a blog post. It's the blogging equivalent of making a joke about Bill Clinton's weiner issues, Britney Spears' redneck husband issues or, well, Brad Pitt's weiner issues. It's too easy to poke fun at, and so I just figured I'd stay above the fray and let qualified funpokers such as my soul mate Jon Stewart do their thing.

But then I was listening to Sure Shot by The Beastie Boys and I started putting Dick Cheney lyrics in as I was singing along:

You can't, you won't and you don't stop. [Dick Cheney] come and rock the sure shot....I've Got More [Guns] Than I've Got Grey Hairs, And That's Alot Because I've Got My Share. I've Got A Hole In My Head And There's No One To Fix It; Got To Straighten My Thoughts, I'm Thinking Too Much Sick Sh*t...

It would appear from this weekend's events that the Vice President might need a refresher course from that august "gun safety" organization called the NRA, huh? It would also appear, were Al Gore to have shot someone on a Saturday and only had it come to light late Sunday, that a full-on independent counsel investigation would have been ginned up to get to the bottom of why Al Gore was trying to kill his friend who probably knew too much about shady dealings in the White House, since you know that Bill Clinton had several of his friends murdered secretly to hide his malfeasance (according to Rush Limbaugh and his compatriots). I wonder if they'll see the same malintent from their beloved, yet ammo-incompetent, VPotus.

Yeah, I didn't think so. As the Beasties say:

I Can't Stand It
I Know You Planned It
I'ma' Set It Straight This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rockin' When I'm In Here
'Cause Your Crystal Ball Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Back And Wonder Why
I Got This F*ckin' Thorn In My Side
Oh My God
It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's Sabotage