Monday, August 01, 2005

The Hill's 50 Most Beautiful People

You have to check this out.

The Hill Top 50

Further evidence that the entire staff of The Hill is still in high school. A) because they think many of these people are hot, B) because they even consented to having this feature be part of their "newspaper," and C) because many of these people, both male and female, remind me of That Guy or That Girl who was considered pretty or hot in high school only because s/he was the best available in your little town and then you went to college and met waaay hotter people and couldn't believe that That Girl and That Guy were the Venus and Adonis of your world, because they are so totally average (or slightly better than average but nowhere near maximum hotness) now that you get to compare them to a wider array of hotties.

It has always been said that DC is show business for ugly people. Now, I'm not saying these people are ugly; I'm just saying that if these are the entire Top Tier from all of Capitol Hill and DC, then we are witnessing Einstein's theory of relativity in action. If you live in DC and work on the Hill, then perhaps these really ARE the 50 most beautiful you've ever worked with. But if you live in DC and work anywhere else in town--even at a Subway or a Starbucks--then your larger perspective--and dare I say--greater capacity for judgement than a Hill worker [average age: 22, primary purpose in working on Hill: ego] might lead you to conclude that while some of these 50 are not heinous-looking and may actually be quite pleasant (although certainly not all...), they are by far NOT the 50 Most Beautiful Anything in DC.

I'm embarrassed that I even read the article and embarrassed I even wrote this rebuttal. But I am just agog that the feature even made it into a paper that has a sliver of hope of being taken seriously. Although, maybe they are playing to their key audience: the Hill staffers who vie desperately to be picked by The Yearbook Committee for one of the Superlative Awards at homecoming. Totally hilarious and totally cringeworthy.

And what of the people who were selected? Did they think they'd escape this without ridicule? "Would you like to be one of The Hill's Most Beautiful People?" should be up there in the annals of Questions That Require An Emphatic No with other doozies like "I have something to tell you, and I have invited you on to Jerry Springer to do so" or "Mom, can I go over to Michael Jackson's ranch for a sleepover?"

Good thing we've ended the war, solved the social security mess, and cured cancer or else this Top 50 article sure would look pretty brainless and embarrassing for that paper, huh?


Anonymous said...

Where's my picture?
Where's Yours, E?

I demand a recount!

Fooking Diebold!

E said...

Too kind, dear Anon.

However, I am too old for inclusion in this list by at least 10 years. I also am not named "Kate" or "Katie," nor do I have the Standard Brunette Flippy Straight Hair required for men in their 30's to drool over a 22-year-old. You, however, are a shoo-in!

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else think of "The Full Monty" any time a photo of one of the uniformed 'honorees' appeared? :-)