Saturday, January 01, 2005

Outrageous Kiddie Nomenclature

I was walking to the gym today, a spring in my step, a smile on my face, full of hope for the coming year. I didn't have any real sense of why I was happy; I just was; feeling lucky for my friends and family, for my life in DC, everything. Just a generalized sense of contentment.

I was almost at the gym when I passed a woman with her two daughters. I thought, "what cute little girls" as I jaunted past them. And in that instant I knew that 2005 was going to be my year for achieving great prosperity and style if this moment was any kind of omen: Just as I passed the mom, I heard her say to her dallying daughter, "Armani! Get over here! Fendi and I are ready to go!"

Although it ain't nice to laugh at kids, I smiled wider, skipped higher, and did a few extra pushups at the gym with the sheer enjoyment of hearing that.

Although, could it be that my mirth was misplaced? On the one hand, you know you live in a rollickingly free and open society when you can endow your kids with any damn name you please. On the other hand, you know you live in a ridiculously out-of-perspective society when you can endow your kids with faux-haute names that immediately limit their career choices. President Armani Smith, anyone? Secretary of State Fendi Smith? Mother Versace of Calcutta? Pope Gabbana the First? It may sound rich at the time, but trust me, I'm not sure I know any Tiffanies that own jewelry from the store. I don't know any Princesses (or Princes) who actually are royalty. And unless she makes it in Hollywood, naming your kid Fendi may just preclude her from actually ever being able to own any.

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