Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Firemen: A Hottie for Every Generation

{Let me preface this post with a policy statement emphasizing my acknowledgement of and support for female firefighters. All I'm sayin' is that the ones I saw were fireMEN. So no lighting up the switchboard with angry recriminations, okay? Supah.}

So--I was at NIH today, enjoying AM coffee before heading to my quarterly weigh-in and my now happily-rarer doctor visits. J came with me so that I wouldn’t have to metro at 6am for 40 minutes to get there, and so was also having coffee before heading off to his work. We were talking about social security reform when he noticed that my eyes were wandering. He gave me that “why are you not listening?” look and then turned to look behind him, where he saw about 20 firefighters in full regalia walking into the building. There was no alarm going off (except the one on my pacemaker; ha ha), so it was unclear why this veritable procession of strapping lads would be converging on NIH; but converge they did.

It got us (okay, me) to talking about how all firemen pretty much meet three primary archetypes:

1) Tom Selleck, circa 1988: notable for their moustache, large build, and appeal to women over the age of about 40. They are a little older but they’ve still got it going on. They look and comport themselves like they were the inspiration for the original Brawny Paper Towel man: rugged, no-nonsense, enjoy shows like Blue Collar TV and Family Guy, and wouldn't kick Raquel Welch out of bed. They have names like Tom and Larry and George.

2) Your junior high best friend’s dad: Notable for not necessarily being hot, but for being attractive in that “older man who will ensure no one hurts you” kind of way. (Mr. Hughes, are you reading this?) You can’t quite pin down why you find them attractive, but you will not discount the critical role of a strong-yet-gentle spirit and a lifesaver’s uniform. They enjoy good chili, NPR's Car Talk, and still have a place in their heart for Cheryl Tiegs. They have names like Tim and Joseph and Charlie.

3) The young hot gardener on Desperate Housewives: Under 35, super fit, biceps bigger than my thighs, closely-cropped hair, an all-around visual display of buff pyrotechnics. They are the guys who wear the full uniform, but keep the jacket off so you can see their pecs straining mightily against their form-fitting T-shirts with....ahem! excuse me! I digress! As I was saying, they usually have a dog, OF COURSE a girlfriend, and a liking for Fear Factor. Unless they usually have, OF COURSE a secret boyfriend, and a liking for anything on Bravo or HGTV. Usually named Jesse or Ash or Christian or Josh.

What's YOUR flavor of firefighter?


Anonymous said...

I'm a Junior High Best Friend's Dad kind of woman. Definitely.

By the way, it is frickin' hysterical that you would even think to break firefighters down into "archetypes." The thoughts I read on your blog never occur to me until you write them. Either I lack imagination or you are a very funny girl. Or maybe both.


Anonymous said...

Definitely the young hot gardener. No two ways about it.