Thursday, June 04, 2009

P's and Q's.

First, the TMI (Too Much Information) post. I have once again mystified my doctors. A couple of days ago I went to the bathroom to pee. It hurt like I was peeing broken glass and it was BLOOD. WWWHHHHAAAAATTTT?!!!! Your mileage may vary, but for me, if I see any blood anywhere for any reason, I'm calling a doctor before I even flush. So I got an appointment that day to pee in the cup. I did it, while shuddering from the unbelievable level of discomfort that took about 15 minutes to wear off. I met with the PA, who asserted that, based on my symptoms, I probably had some kind of raging urinary tract infection. We waited. The results came back:

I have perfect urine. Urine an MLB player would pay for. Not a discernible thing wrong with it. Again: WWWHHHHAAAAATTT?! So now I'm freaked out because now she's saying, "Are you sure it was blood you saw?" Um, YES. Believe me, you don't misinterpret peeing blood. Once you have peed blood, you will never forget it. It is one of those "this is not how God or nature intended things to go" feelings that you never get over. So she gave me a short course of antibiotics just in case there was something the lab wasn't picking up on, and said she'd call in a couple of days with the viral results.

BINGO. She called yesterday to let me know that the BK Virus is back. You may remember from my early transplant days that I had this affliction, but sans the blood. (It's a virus dormant in almost every person. It resides in your bladder and you never know you have it until you are either pregnant or immune-suppressed and it roars to life). Her exact words: "It's very interesting because from one perspective you have absolutely pristine urine: no white cells, no blood, no bacteria, nothing. Pristine. From the other, you have perhaps the most virulent urine I've ever seen. Shockingly so." Nice. I had been thinking I was losing my edge, but hearing that I'm still shocking doctors is kind of comforting in a demented way. And of course I can laugh about this now because I'm now producing only good old American, USA #1, regular human pee with only minor discomfort.

Speaking of discomfort, turns out George Bush made some side deals with the Israelis that they could keep building settlements while honoring the "freeze." "When Israel signed on to the so-called road map for a two-state solution in 2003, with a provision that says its government 'freezes all settlement activity (including natural growth of settlements),' the officials said, it did so after a detailed discussion with Bush administration officials that laid out those explicit exceptions. 'Not everything is written down,' one of the officials said."

Well, see, there's your trouble. An international agreement in which not everything is written down?!!! Who would "sign" that? And who would honor that? Turns out the Obama administration doesn't, and I don't necessarily blame them. George Mitchell expressed frustration that they were being slammed for not holding to "agreements we've never heard of." It's a complex issue for which there is no easy answer, but if you signed an agreement saying you'd freeze settlements, freeze them. As in, build no more. Obviously, much has to occur on the Palestinian side as well; nobody involved gets the gold star for keeping their word. But it's got to start somewhere. And methinks demolishing any vestige of the Bush administration's penchant for doublespeak and syntactical smoke-and-mirrors (it's not torture, it's Enhanced Interrogation. It's a "freeze" which allows you to keep building) is a good place to start. Sorry, Israelis. You should have gotten that agreement in airtight writing.

Speaking of Obama, some on the Wacky Right are concerned that he is a "half-breed Muslin" because he thanked the Saudi King in Arabic: Shukran. Well, hell, I must be a half-breed Chinese lady then, because I say "Nie hao" to the Chinese grandma across the street every day. What moron thinks that saying thank you in your host's native language means that you are either secretly fluent in that language (the language of terrorism!) or that you are kow-towing to that person (Obama's Apology Tour!). Get a freakin' life. It's called effing manners, not to mention diplomacy. I am not shocked by much these days, but the ongoing moronic bigotry against Arabs and/or Muslims blows my mind. Like, I speak Hebrew so I must be a secret member of the Mossad? Everyone who speaks French secretly wants to be a "cheese-eating surrender monkey?" These characterizations make no sense, but as soon as you speak Arabic, there has to be something nefarious going on? Let's be smarter than that, folks, shall we?

On that note, the Bambina has awoken and I must now go and wish her a cheery "dobrahye ootrah." Unless that makes me a tool of Vladimir Putin...

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