Saturday, July 07, 2007

Trouble, You Got Trouble

"Oh there's trouble! Right here in Keizer City! That's Trouble with a Capital T, which rhymes with P, which stands for Penis!"

Residents of Oregon town say shape of traffic posts is offensive
By Melica Johnson and KATU Web Staff

KEIZER, Ore. - The City of Keizer is taking heat for installing a group of cement posts designed to protect pedestrians from cars, but which some say is a phallic symbol. A total of 52 of the posts were installed at a busy intersection in Keizer and they are getting a lot of second glances. A number of residents have complained to the city that the posts resemble male genitalia. "I can't disagree with that," said City Manager Chris Eppley. "They certainly did not turn out the way we anticipated." According to Eppley, the posts were ordered from a catalog and looked much different on paper. "They're a standard style," Eppley said. "I think in the right context they look fine. They just happened not to (look fine) here."

The city is looking into retrofitting the posts with metal collars and chains that run between them, which they hope will change the look. If not, they said the posts will have to go. "If that fix doesn't work and I still think they look inappropriate, we'll have wasted $20,000 and we'll have to do something different," Eppley said. Of course, the city could always keep them up and use them for sex education, at least according to one woman we spoke to. "My son said he wanted to hang a sign on it that says 'always use protection,'" she said.

Y'all. The posts look like this:

I don't know about you, but the day a guy drops his pants and I see that, is the day I lose hope for penises everywhere. That traffic post looks as much like a penis as a chapstick or a Nestle's double fudge push up popsicle. So why only outrage at the ever-maligned phallus? What? No outrage at the promotion of ice cream novelty junk food items?

And may I just say that the idea to retrofit the penises, er, traffic posts, with metal collars and chains is absolutely the PERFECT way to make them less offensive.

3 comments:

Vigilante said...

At the very least, slap some foreskin up on those puppies!

Mr. said...

The manufacturer told them they were going to be 80 inches high, but they were only 50.

Bey said...

I thought they would at least have Stormtrooper hats or something. What a disappointment....

As Melanie said in her song "Everything's a phallic symbol if it's longer than it's wide...As the Id goes marching on!"

And the man thinks that penis posts in bondage gear is going to be an improvement /shakes head.