Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Bachelorette Rejects

Totally off-topic, but I was taking some flak the other day from family about the "losers" I used to date/kiss/pine for in high school. I challenged the premise that the guys were losers, opting instead to say that we were simply badly matched for the long term, which describes 98% of all high school "relationships" if you think about it. So I wanted to find out what those guys were doing now. Not that a person's chosen profession indicates a lack of loserness, but it does answer charges that I always seemed to find myself "in love" with guys who were either egomaniacs, troublemakers or some psychotic combination of the two, destined to be homeless, high or in jail.

So for kicks I googled them (which I hope doesn't make me a psycho seeking former psychos), and here is a rundown (you'll pardon the sheer quantity of googlees). I swear I was a good girl:

1 is a personal injury lawyer (kissed like mad at several parties; he went to the all-boys catholic high school)
2 are intellectual property attorneys (#1 I dated from 8th through 9th grade, while kissing personal injury lawyer above whenever the occasion arose; #2 I kissed whenever the occasion arose because he was really cute and way out of my league for actual dating. I had yet to learn about free milk and cows...)
1 is a CPA (the love of my young life for whom I pined three years, dated briefly, then got dumped because I wouldn't do it with him)
1 is a state senator (Seriously cute. Seriously good kisser, at least at the time. I can't vouch for him now... Also had a great car. And a 5 o'clock shadow. Was a senior when I was a freshman. Swoony swoon swoon. Unfortunately, we both had competing egos and political ambitions; therefore doomed to end up in the scrap heap of relationship history.)
1 is a bass player in an indie band out of CA. (terrible kisser, as I recall, but nice guy. Had to dump because my friend really liked him and I only sort of liked him and I felt bad. And also because of that kissing thing where he'd come at me with his mouth already open. Eeew. At first I thought, "oh, maybe he's nervous." Then I thought, "okay, I've got to do some evasive action to get this to be the kiss I'm trying to have, so maybe if I move my mouth...blah blah..."no avail. He just couldn't figure out how to start a kiss with lips rather than gums, bless his heart. I'm sure there are plenty of groupies now who'll talk about how "amazing" his openmouth face-eating kisses are on their myspace profiles, but it just never was my cup of tea. Or mouthwash, as the case may be).

Regardless. Not so bad for a bunch of losers majoring in pre-jailtime, huh, family doubters?!!

Although in the interests of honesty, I do have to confess the 1 who is in real estate (slightly unhinged, quite scary, still don't like to talk about him)...and the 1 who was arrested for DUI last year.

Still, in the final analysis, not so bad. Considering that those poor schmucks dated a certifiably insane pseudo-blogger with Andy Rooney tendencies.

I'd have ended up as a lawyer too if I had me in my history...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think I'm one of the lawyers on that list. You were cute then and you're cute now. Not to mention smart enough to dump guys like me.
Keep the great stories coming. You'll be glad to hear that my wife likes them.