Today was one of those days. I read the following bit of wisdom on an Honest Tea bottle cap and thought it was a great thing to remember:
"The bad news: there is no key to the universe. The good news: it was never locked."
--Swami Beyondananda
That put me in a good place, feeling impressed that someone was able to articulate such a cool thought that encompasses so much and yet boils down to two sentences. Wow. Such wisdom.
Then I got on the metro and heard the following from a girlie-girl sitting in front of me:
"Why is Mardi Gras always on a Tuesday?!"
And then my thoughts turned to another amazing philosopher who summed up my feelings at that moment: George Costanza's father, who said so wisely, "SERENITY NOW!!!!"
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Monday, January 03, 2005
What Not To Say: Illness and Death
Welcome to another episode of What Not To Say. I'm your host, Esther, and today we're going to deal with a very sensitive topic: Illness and Passing Away. Let's jump right in, shall we? Okay!
What Not To Say (based, sadly, on the experiences of friends and family)[followed, of course, by some snarky retorts you might try]:
Illness:
"Wow. You look pale."
How nice of you to say. You look fat/old/puffy/some other element of a person that is hard if not impossible to change.
"Are you getting enough sleep? You look awfully tired!"
So do you, but I'm sick. What's your excuse?
OR
How did I get lucky enough to know someone as brutal, I mean, brutally honest, as you?
"Have you tried aromatherapy/prayer/nutrition/macrobiotics? I have a friend who goes to this clinic in Malta/follows this diet/prays to this lifeforce that you should call."
Believe me, if there was something to try that would change my circumstances, I'd have done it by now.
OR
If there was a cure for this disease already, my doctors would have heard about it.
"I think those meds you are on aren't good for you."
And you got your medical degree at what school?
"I read this thing on the internet...."
Yeah, you and 100 million p*rno lovers.
Passing Away:
"He's in a better place now."
Yeah? Well then why don't you join him?
OR
F*** You.
"How are your finances?"
Is your question "can I offer you financial help?" or is it "May I please pry into the deceased's financial affairs?"
"How did your {relative} die?"
Same way we all do: s/he stopped breathing.
There are so many more, but I will spare you the rest. Let's just boil it all down, shall we?
If someone is sick, say any variation of the following:
"I don't know what to say, and I know there is nothing I CAN say. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts/prayers and that I am here for whatever you need."
If someone is bereaved, say any variation of the following:
"I don't know what to say, and I know there is nothing I CAN say. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts/prayers and that I am here for whatever you need."
Get the picture? Editorial comments, pointed questions and broad statements of your personal opinion or belief are most likely neither appreciated nor necessary. It's okay for us to feel awkward when we are faced with grief or illness; it is not okay to embarrass yourself or others as a result.
Well--thanks for joining us on this month's episode of What Not To Say. Stay tuned for our next segment focusing on What Not To Say about an Interracial Marriage. (Many of us have already transcended calling marriages between two people of different cultures "interracial" and have opted instead to just call them "marriages," but since we are in the minority, next month's episode is sadly still necessary.)
What Not To Say (based, sadly, on the experiences of friends and family)[followed, of course, by some snarky retorts you might try]:
Illness:
"Wow. You look pale."
How nice of you to say. You look fat/old/puffy/some other element of a person that is hard if not impossible to change.
"Are you getting enough sleep? You look awfully tired!"
So do you, but I'm sick. What's your excuse?
OR
How did I get lucky enough to know someone as brutal, I mean, brutally honest, as you?
"Have you tried aromatherapy/prayer/nutrition/macrobiotics? I have a friend who goes to this clinic in Malta/follows this diet/prays to this lifeforce that you should call."
Believe me, if there was something to try that would change my circumstances, I'd have done it by now.
OR
If there was a cure for this disease already, my doctors would have heard about it.
"I think those meds you are on aren't good for you."
And you got your medical degree at what school?
"I read this thing on the internet...."
Yeah, you and 100 million p*rno lovers.
Passing Away:
"He's in a better place now."
Yeah? Well then why don't you join him?
OR
F*** You.
"How are your finances?"
Is your question "can I offer you financial help?" or is it "May I please pry into the deceased's financial affairs?"
"How did your {relative} die?"
Same way we all do: s/he stopped breathing.
There are so many more, but I will spare you the rest. Let's just boil it all down, shall we?
If someone is sick, say any variation of the following:
"I don't know what to say, and I know there is nothing I CAN say. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts/prayers and that I am here for whatever you need."
If someone is bereaved, say any variation of the following:
"I don't know what to say, and I know there is nothing I CAN say. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts/prayers and that I am here for whatever you need."
Get the picture? Editorial comments, pointed questions and broad statements of your personal opinion or belief are most likely neither appreciated nor necessary. It's okay for us to feel awkward when we are faced with grief or illness; it is not okay to embarrass yourself or others as a result.
Well--thanks for joining us on this month's episode of What Not To Say. Stay tuned for our next segment focusing on What Not To Say about an Interracial Marriage. (Many of us have already transcended calling marriages between two people of different cultures "interracial" and have opted instead to just call them "marriages," but since we are in the minority, next month's episode is sadly still necessary.)
Even if the disease is rare, the journalism ought to be well done
Please see my rant about stupid and lazy journalism below. I cannot tell you how stunned I am that even BASIC spellchecking and factchecking were not done. Unbelievable!!
Robert Matsui
Robert Matsui
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Celebrity Fitness: "Running Around After My Kids"
As a friend of several women who have had kids and have struggled to get back to their pre-baby weight, and who have continued to feel self-conscious if/when it doesn't happen "soon enough," I simply have to say something about the intense pressure placed on women to be thin, stay thin, get pregnant/have baby/look like you've never had a baby. We could blame men or the male dominated T&A-soaked culture we live in, and perhaps that does share some of the blame. But isn't the real point that we as women buy into that belief? That you can do a photo shoot for W Magazine 6 weeks after birth and look better than you did before you got pregnant? How many men do you know who bought that Sarah Jessica Parker magazine issue? None. It's us. We are our own worst enemies. To SJP's credit, she did say, "I can look like this because I have a team of trainers and cooks who help me." But what about the others?
How many more times are we going to allow celebrities with BMIs of 15 to say with a straight face, "I stay thin by running around after my kids"? It is now a problem of epidemic proportions because I just heard a regular woman (like you and I) say this to a friend in a coffee shop. This canard that having kids somehow causes weight LOSS cannot continue! My dear friends' senses of sanity are riding on us putting this overused and clearly false statement out to pasture.
What specifically do they mean by "running around after my kids"? Is there a hamster wheel in their mansion? Do the kids constantly run away from her and so she has to run after them? Does she "run after them" for 20 minutes straight at the appropriate intensity to burn 500 calories as well as tone her muscles? Someone fill me in on how exactly Pamela Anderson, Christie Brinkley, Jenny McCarthy and Catherine Zeta-Jones STILL get to make this outrageously false statement and yet their female fans with kids don't just revolt and demand that they 'fess up to doing Atkins and/or starving themselves?
The only celebrity who has ever been bluntly honest about it is Elizabeth Hurley whose interview went like this:
Q: "How did you lose the baby weight and how do you stay in such great shape?"
LH: "I go to bed very hungry most nights. That's it. I put my head on my pillow and try not to think about my rumbling stomach."
Finally! Some honesty! But did we throw her a tickertape parade in gratitude? Nope. We just keep on believing that "running around after my kids" is a valid way to remain 15 pounds underweight, rather than deducing the unspoken part of that statement: "My nanny is busy running around after my kids so that I have time to run to the gym and do 4-hour daily workouts so I can be on the red carpet in 8 weeks--and did I mention that I don't ever eat with my kids, much less come in contact with tater tots like you regular janes do?"
It's time to stop feeding the celebrity beast that only serves to make us feel bad about ourselves. So may I suggest a new year's resolution: Eat the darn tater tot if you want to. Just don't eat the whole bag. Worry about your weight if you want to. Just don't pass on a slavish devotion to celebrity diets to your children. And remind yourself that, just as you want to be physically healthy for your children's sake, you also need to be physically healthy for your own. So, please, worry less about the weight and more about how you feel. Oh--and turn off and tune out the Access Entertainment Hollywood Tonight. Kate Hudson is paid millions of dollars to do nothing else but "get her body back." You have more important things to do, like raise your child.
How many more times are we going to allow celebrities with BMIs of 15 to say with a straight face, "I stay thin by running around after my kids"? It is now a problem of epidemic proportions because I just heard a regular woman (like you and I) say this to a friend in a coffee shop. This canard that having kids somehow causes weight LOSS cannot continue! My dear friends' senses of sanity are riding on us putting this overused and clearly false statement out to pasture.
What specifically do they mean by "running around after my kids"? Is there a hamster wheel in their mansion? Do the kids constantly run away from her and so she has to run after them? Does she "run after them" for 20 minutes straight at the appropriate intensity to burn 500 calories as well as tone her muscles? Someone fill me in on how exactly Pamela Anderson, Christie Brinkley, Jenny McCarthy and Catherine Zeta-Jones STILL get to make this outrageously false statement and yet their female fans with kids don't just revolt and demand that they 'fess up to doing Atkins and/or starving themselves?
The only celebrity who has ever been bluntly honest about it is Elizabeth Hurley whose interview went like this:
Q: "How did you lose the baby weight and how do you stay in such great shape?"
LH: "I go to bed very hungry most nights. That's it. I put my head on my pillow and try not to think about my rumbling stomach."
Finally! Some honesty! But did we throw her a tickertape parade in gratitude? Nope. We just keep on believing that "running around after my kids" is a valid way to remain 15 pounds underweight, rather than deducing the unspoken part of that statement: "My nanny is busy running around after my kids so that I have time to run to the gym and do 4-hour daily workouts so I can be on the red carpet in 8 weeks--and did I mention that I don't ever eat with my kids, much less come in contact with tater tots like you regular janes do?"
It's time to stop feeding the celebrity beast that only serves to make us feel bad about ourselves. So may I suggest a new year's resolution: Eat the darn tater tot if you want to. Just don't eat the whole bag. Worry about your weight if you want to. Just don't pass on a slavish devotion to celebrity diets to your children. And remind yourself that, just as you want to be physically healthy for your children's sake, you also need to be physically healthy for your own. So, please, worry less about the weight and more about how you feel. Oh--and turn off and tune out the Access Entertainment Hollywood Tonight. Kate Hudson is paid millions of dollars to do nothing else but "get her body back." You have more important things to do, like raise your child.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Outrageous Kiddie Nomenclature
I was walking to the gym today, a spring in my step, a smile on my face, full of hope for the coming year. I didn't have any real sense of why I was happy; I just was; feeling lucky for my friends and family, for my life in DC, everything. Just a generalized sense of contentment.
I was almost at the gym when I passed a woman with her two daughters. I thought, "what cute little girls" as I jaunted past them. And in that instant I knew that 2005 was going to be my year for achieving great prosperity and style if this moment was any kind of omen: Just as I passed the mom, I heard her say to her dallying daughter, "Armani! Get over here! Fendi and I are ready to go!"
Although it ain't nice to laugh at kids, I smiled wider, skipped higher, and did a few extra pushups at the gym with the sheer enjoyment of hearing that.
Although, could it be that my mirth was misplaced? On the one hand, you know you live in a rollickingly free and open society when you can endow your kids with any damn name you please. On the other hand, you know you live in a ridiculously out-of-perspective society when you can endow your kids with faux-haute names that immediately limit their career choices. President Armani Smith, anyone? Secretary of State Fendi Smith? Mother Versace of Calcutta? Pope Gabbana the First? It may sound rich at the time, but trust me, I'm not sure I know any Tiffanies that own jewelry from the store. I don't know any Princesses (or Princes) who actually are royalty. And unless she makes it in Hollywood, naming your kid Fendi may just preclude her from actually ever being able to own any.
I was almost at the gym when I passed a woman with her two daughters. I thought, "what cute little girls" as I jaunted past them. And in that instant I knew that 2005 was going to be my year for achieving great prosperity and style if this moment was any kind of omen: Just as I passed the mom, I heard her say to her dallying daughter, "Armani! Get over here! Fendi and I are ready to go!"
Although it ain't nice to laugh at kids, I smiled wider, skipped higher, and did a few extra pushups at the gym with the sheer enjoyment of hearing that.
Although, could it be that my mirth was misplaced? On the one hand, you know you live in a rollickingly free and open society when you can endow your kids with any damn name you please. On the other hand, you know you live in a ridiculously out-of-perspective society when you can endow your kids with faux-haute names that immediately limit their career choices. President Armani Smith, anyone? Secretary of State Fendi Smith? Mother Versace of Calcutta? Pope Gabbana the First? It may sound rich at the time, but trust me, I'm not sure I know any Tiffanies that own jewelry from the store. I don't know any Princesses (or Princes) who actually are royalty. And unless she makes it in Hollywood, naming your kid Fendi may just preclude her from actually ever being able to own any.
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