Friday, March 04, 2005

It Ain't The Gideon Bible, but It Sure Is Helpful

In the hotel room, the good people of the PRC have provided a small book called "Safe Journey in Beijing," which is written mostly in Mandarin, with some very brief translations in English. People who think of China as a very buttoned-up society are waaaay off, at least here in Beijing, which is very akin to New York City, only without the crime, pizza or bagels. I have already seen three different sex shops, only over here they don't have skeevy people hanging outside them; instead, their doors feature illustrations of cartoon-like characters that resemble "boy bits" wearing the store's products. If the sign didn't clearly say "Sex Shop" above the door, I might have thought it was some kind of kid's store with all the cartoonish characters goin' on. Although, now I have to wonder who the store is for exactly, since the sign is written in ENGLISH!

Anyway, before I go off on a tangent, here are a couple of my favorites from the book:

1) How to prevent infection in the hotels:
--Wash hand before eating if you have touched public used items in the room, like phone.
--If you receive a call during night from person of opposite sex to ask whether the service is needed, say "no."

2) Correct Honeymoon
--During honeymoon, sexual intercourses are frequent. Unhygienic of sex organs can easily cause bride to get diseases such as urethritis, cystitis...Attention should be paid to arrange honeymoon away from the period, wash sex organs before sexual life and change pants frequently.

3) How to avoid aerotitis media {ear popping}
--Mouth opening or swallowing is effective measure but rather unsightly, chewing candy or gum is the best idea and most pleasant way.

This book is a veritable godsend for the weary traveler who may, without reading this book, mistakenly answer "yes" when receiving the late night call inquiring if "the service" is needed.

1 comment:

SquareSlant said...

Just wanted to let you know - I am finding your blog very interesting. Hope all goes well in the next couple of days.