A Pox on All Their Houses

Oh a veritable smorgasbord of asshattery this week, from all angles.

Joe the Dumber (aka Sam Wurzelbacher) in Christianity Today:

Q: In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?

JTP: At a state level, it’s up to them. I don’t want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing.

Unbelievable. Let me tell you something: I wouldn't let Sam Wurzelbacher, moronic bigot, anywhere near my children. This is the best the GOP has? And people wonder why John McCain deserved to lose?! Please.

Next: my erstwhile homeland, current nanny-state extraordinaire, the UK. Which has banned, among several terrorists, Michael Savage. For those of you unfamiliar, Savage is the conservative radio jock famous for the following statements:

*The Quran is "a book of hate." Has he read the Bible? I refer him to Leviticus alone if he'd like to see some real hateful shit in a holy book.

*Kids with autism? "A brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out."

*Abducted child Elizabeth Smart? "Snow White gets raped by bum in white robes."

I'll stop there because I'm feeling nauseated. Both by Michael Savage and the notion that banning him for his speech (however wingnutty) is the correct course of action for a Western democracy. He's an asswipe, but why feed the hype?! Now he gets to feel persecuted--and now we all have to suffer his ever-more indignant offensiveness.

Finally we have everyone's favorite pageant loser, Miss California Carrie Prejean. You may recall her public disapproval of gay marriage and subsequent "I'm a Christian!" declarations. Prejean haters are now revelling in the discovery of some softcore topless pics she took pre-pageant which might cause her to lose the crown. I kind of like it too, seeing as hypocrites are rather entertaining when busted. But here's my thought from a feminist perspective: How can the same pageant organization that bought her breast implants now say that her displaying her breasts (pre-implants) is indecent? YOU BOUGHT HER BOOBS so she'd be nicer to look at! Which is fine as long as no one looks at the nipples, apparently.

Is it too Michael Savage of me to put a Yiddish curse on all of these people? "May you lose all your teeth but one, and may that one hurt like hell."

Nice Work if You Can Get It

We live in a rather nice town here in Massachusetts. It is by far on the waaay other, other side of the tracks than where I grew up, which has taken some getting used to. You may recall the preschool parent's juice-and-cookies 6pm reception where the women all showed up in little black dresses. When discussing what parents should contribute to each class' year-end gift, I expressed concern for families who have more than one child in the preschool; that $10 per class becomes $30 for a family with three kids. The response? "Oh, it's only $30." Hello?! In my house, 30 bucks matters! I can only imagine that it would matter MORE if I had two additional children.

This is the town in which we live.

So perhaps we should not have been surprised to read in the local newspaper that our local police officers make in excess of $100,000, almost toward $150,000. And we're not talking police chief, sergeants, whomever. We're talking your average beat cop. Now, hear me out. My brother is a cop. What I wouldn't give for him to make $100K. But let's be clear: he spends his days with drug-dealing dirtbags in a rather large, urban geographic area. He's not directing traffic past the town festival; know what I mean? It just seems completely out of proportion to me, when the actual dangers of the job are considered. If we were in Miami-Dade, sure, pay those guys $100K hazard pay. But here? Call me an asshole if you must, but that strikes me as simply ridiculous. I await your opprobrium.

Let's now take ourselves to a local festival this weekend where the mayor of this fine city addressed the assemblage, as mayors are wont to do. He was there to deliver a proclamation to the members, designating Today Is This Festival Day. He was so poorly prepped for this event that--once again--we were stunned to learn that his senior staff members also make north of $100K. I mean, that is a Washington DC salary! And these chumps are doing such a stellar job that the mayor begins his remarks with, "When you have nothing to say, they give you props, so here are my props. First is this proclamation...now I'm not sure who I'm presenting this certificate to, so I'll just read it...be it known..." Does not refer to any of the luminaries by name, because you know he can't pronounce or remember them. This is fucking bush league politics--and the people responsible for ensuring he does not deliver such a laughable performance are making One Hundred Thousand Dollars?!!! Please. You can always use the argument that you need to offer high salaries to attract talent, but that only goes so far. For example, in DC, I would have been fired THAT DAY if I'd sent my boss to an event for a performance like that. My shit would have been on the lawn by the time I got back to the office. Here? They're getting a raise.

So why this rant, so soon back into Haggisdom? Ach. Maybe I'm just jealous that no one will pay me an unearned $100, 000. Maybe because I am, as usual, getting in touch with my inner Andy Rooney. Mostly because this town cries poverty when it comes to teachers and schools in this economic climate but apparently has money to burn on BS.

RIP Jack Kemp

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090503/ap_on_re_us/us_obit_kemp

Dem though I may be, I actually liked Jack Kemp. He was old-school. I remember him back in his Empower America days, while I was in grad school in DC, and he was always a true gentleman.

The Bitching Is Back

What's up, Cleveland?!!!

We're back. Not necessarily "better than ever," but back all the same. And what a week to be returning! Holy mother of all that is holy!

1. Swine Flu. The short version? This is a disease designed to kill people exactly like me. Although the reason it's such a big deal is that it's also designed to kill HEALTHY people like you and you and you, which our plain old Influenza B is not. Aaah--longing for the good old days of Influenza B....it warms the cockles of my immune system.

2. Souter Retiring. Mazel Tov, David! This will be a major test for the Obama administration in that it will give us a view into where he wants to take the court: super lefty, liberal or centrist. It will also be a major project for Vice President Biden, seeing as he chaired the Judiciary Committee through six SCOTUS nominees. Let's hope Joey gets through it without saying anything inflammatory. HAH! Just kidding. He will. He reminds me of my Dad in some ways, that totally well-meaning guy who just cannot help himself but phrase something inartfully regarding "the blacks" or about avoiding confined spaces during the swine flu outbreak. Joey is the guy you cannot brief confidentially because once the information is in his head, it finds a way to break through his rather flimsy brain/mouth filter.

3. Specter Defector! The Haggis jury is still out on this one, in terms of what it means for Dems. But suffice to say, it shows that the GOP is in shambles. Ronald Reagan is rolling in his grave, as well he should.

4. This survey showing that support for torture correlates with church attendance: http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/30/religion.torture/ Big shocker--the support is strongest among white evangelicals.

So that's what I've got for today. It's good to be back!

God's Gonna Get You For That, Walter

Big love for the awesome Bea Arthur, who died yesterday. My favorite clip of her that is not from The Golden Girls, Maude, or the Pamela Anderson Roast is this: a song with Rock Hudson about drugs. So retro~

Secession is a Bitch

A quickie, since I'm not officially back till May 1st:

Texas Governor Rick Perry last week: There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that...But Texas is a very unique place, and we're a pretty independent lot to boot."

Texas Governor Rick Perry, amid a swine flu outbreak in Texas: "Gov. Rick Perry of Texas asked the C.D.C. to send 37,430 doses of Tamiflu."

Will Texas have its own CDC, Governor? I sure hope so, because all this federal government intrusion is obviously a problem for you--except for when it's not.

It's Hard to Talk When You're Teabagging

Figures I go on hiatus just as the word "teabagging" is permitted to be uttered on national television! Here is my boyfriend Anderson Cooper delivering it like no one can:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyhP1pFO_8A

Can we please just acknowledge that this corporate-sponsored "movement" is complete nonsense? I mean, besides their complete lack of awareness of the original meaning of "teabagger," this whole thing is ridiculous. What are these people protesting precisely? As Paul Begala put it: "You want something to protest? How 'bout protesting how little we give back to our veterans? Or how 'bout protesting that the entire budget of the National Cancer Institute (where government researchers battle a disease that will strike half of all men and a third of all women) is 0.03 percent of what we gave the bandits at American International Group alone? Oh, but veterans benefits and cancer research might cost money. It might require -- dare I say it? -- paying taxes."