Oscar Blogscar

Here we go as Hollywood pulls a muscle patting itself on the back...

Just watched some red carpet. They must be desperate for young viewers. How else to explain the appearance of Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus?

Here comes host Hugh Jackman with a totally entertaining opening number.

The Best Supporting Actress nominees are each being announced by former Best Supporting Actress winners. Goldie! With the dress barely covering the nipples! And the unpleasant side cleavage. Goldie is cute--but there comes a time to wear age-appropriate clothing. Now might be that time.

Penelope Cruz just won. But she doesn't even speak English! ;)

MILK wins best screenplay. Slumdog Millionaire wins Adapted Screenplay. Both presented by the very funny Tina Fey and Steve Martin.

Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black are presenting some animation thing. Camera cuts to poor Angelina Jolie, who must smile the entire time lest she be accused tomorrow of giving Jen the Stinkeye. You know, Jennifer Aniston is cute. I don't get the haters at all. The winner of Best Short Animation is Japanese and speaks very little English. So his speech was "Thankyouacademee..." etc. Then he said, "Domo Arigato, Mister Roboto." Funny!

Folks, I'm already bored with this show. I've been flipping to Confessions of a Teen Idol and that disgraceful Ray J show, if that's any indication of how I'm doing so far. I may not make it to the end.

Oh! My boyfriend Daniel Craig is up! Nice. I don't know what the category or winner is. I don't care because I'm busy looking at Daniel Craig. Thank you lord for putting Daniel Craig on this earth. I seriously want to climb through the TV. Best Makeup Artist went to Benjamin Button. As the BBDD says, "Hellboy was robbed!" The guy who accepted is all Jiminy Glick, that Martin Short character. He seems to have stopped his speech to burp! Awesome!

Okay, I'm out. I can't do it. Not even for Ben Stiller impersonating Joaquin Phoenix... Maybe you guys can let me know who wins. :)