Idol's Back!

We're down to the top 36, so now I feel like writing about American Idol. But only some of the contestants.

Stevie Wright, 17 years old. Oh bless her heart. NO, no, no. She sounds like me singing while I'm vacuuming the house. Kind of out of breath, and lame. She has a good voice, but she bit the big one tonight. Simon, "Stevie, it was terrible."

A few words about Ryan Seacrest: say what you will, mock how you will, but Ryan is perfect for this gig. He makes it look easy, and if you think about it, it is just not. Making random people seem interesting, filling air time when the B-roll malfunctions, you name it, Ryan Seacrest is on it.

Anoop Desai. What a voice. Weird song. Thank God he is the anti-Sanjaya.

The next chick whose name escapes me doing Everything Little Thing She Does Is Magic by The Police. Total cruise ship. She's bad Jessica Simpson. Picture that. The BBDD says it is High School Musical. Weirdness by her mother too, after she was demolished by the judges. Just way too much investment by mom there. Weird. And one pointer: you never, never publicly, seriously sing The Police unless you have just been invited on stage by The Police to sing with The Police.

I'm already bored, y'all.

Okay, this next guy, is THE JAMS. Know what I mean? He's doing Michael Jackson's Rock With You, and it's all sweet sweet lovin' all the time, baby. Children will be conceived to this man's voice. You heard it here first. He sang it not great, but he's all about The Jams.

Okay let's just boil this whole show (what my Dad would have called A Goddamned Ordeal) down to one point: If you are 17 and amateur, you should not sing:
Whitney Houston
Michael Jackson
Aretha Franklin
The Police

Just sayin'.

One final note: Tatiana del Toro is just this side of your totally psychotic ex-girlfriend. Please let her go to the next round, because that is some serious Crazy.