Liveblogging Neil Diamond

Oh, like you wouldn't! Like you have a life or something? Puh-leeze!

It's Neil Diamond night on American Idol, baby!!! Sweet Caroline!

So, let's get started; each person is doing two songs:

Jason Castro, he of the breathy cluelessness, sings Forever in Blue Jeans while wearing blue jeans. He forgot the words to the song while performing for Neil, and just always has this slackass approach, like, yeah, dude, I totally forgot the words in front of this old guy who is apparently famous for music or whatever.... DESGRACIADO!!! MENOSPRECIO!!

Then he does September Morn. I love Neil, but that song doesn't really age well. And neither does Castro. (clue to "doesn't age well": any song that uses the word "lovers" to describe the romantic protagonists, perhaps?)

Then David Cook rocks I'm Alive. Nice. He manages to sing it like himself while sounding a little bit like Neil without veering off into Will Ferrell territory.

Cook is now doing All I Really Need Is You. Nice rock ballad with an edge. BBDD has it right on when he says, "What do you think? Goo Goo Dolls-type career for him?" You bet your Rzeznik.

Then OF COURSE Brooke does I'm a Believer. Because she can't not sing a song that isn't in the Pizza Hut juke box circa 1985, can she? Oh my lord!

Now Brooke is doing a song whose title escapes me on piano. Much better than the last one.

Then Archuleta does Sweet Caroline. Dumb choice. That song is sacrosanct to so many disparate groups of people (from drunk college students "so good! so good! so good!" to Red Sox fans in the 8th inning), that you just can't come on out and do a little Hershey Park main stage thing with it and think you're getting votes.

Wee Davey is up now doing his version of America. I loved this song when we first immigrated to the US because it kind of summed up the whole experience of lifting up from everything you've ever known and just arriving in the US with a dream and a prayer. Tonight, Archuleta has turned it into a 4-H festival 4th of July hoedown. Not sure I loved it, but the judges do. Simon just made the point that it was a good song choice for David's fan demographic. Wee Davey is perhaps more business-savvy than we give him credit for...

Then Syesha does Hello. Okay, here's my personal axe to grind. I LOVE that song. Say what you will about Neil, but that song speaks. It speaks to missing someone, to just needing to hear their voice on the phone in the middle of the night. It's like a love song for old married people even while it is a song for long-distance college couples, blah blah, it's a nice song. Syesha cabareted it a little.

Now shes's doing Thank the Lord for the Night Time. I like it. Retro but cool. Simon hates it and thinks she might be voted off. Come on! How Jason Castro continues to walk around the set as a contestant while Syesha fights for her life every week just boggles the mind. Although one should never underestimate the power of the American tween and her unlimited text messages to IDOL5701...