Don't Make Me Laugh

In spite of trying to avoid sudden moves in my current "prep" state, I have been laughing all night long.

First, this from The Onion, regarding a black man accosting people for change on the street:

theonion

Then, making my Haggis' Bathroom Book Club selection "Unlimited Access" by Gary Aldrich (handed down via three different people). You'll recall this book as being the darling of the Right Wing Conspiracy because of its revelations about the Clinton White House. I could not have picked a more appropriate book for companionship while crapping, because much of it is horse manure.

I get his point, that security procedures were not followed, that security was lax, and that he feels the Clintons disrespected the White House and the Office of the Presidency. Fair enough if that's your opinion and experience. But here's where the laughing started:

His evidence that "the Clinton people" were deviants?
"The canteen, which was usually spotless, was a mess. Napkins were scattered like windblown kleenex, and somebody had spilled coffee on the floor. Instead of wiping it up, people had simply tracked through it...I looked around. I saw a shaggy haired middle aged guy over in the corner in a loud, checkered, polyester double-knit suit and badly scuffed shoes..."

Oh but it gets better:
"There was a unisex quality to the Clinton staff that set it far apart from the Bush administration. It was the shape of their bodies. In the Clinton administration, the broad-shouldered, pants-wearing women and the pear-shaped bowling pin men blurred distinctions between the sexes. I was used to athletic types, physically fit persons who took pride in body image and good health."

The outrages poor Gary Aldrich witnessed just go on and on, what with women wearing trousers, people swearing within his earshot as he walked past their offices, and men having the temerity to be overweight AND to think they should have a job in his precious White House too!

Whatever point Aldrich was trying to get across about security breaches is just completely lost in his shock!horror!outrage! that the entire world doesn't look like, act like, and think just like him. The whole book was just laughable in that regard. Everwhere Aldrich turned, people were different from him and what he knew to be right and good and decent! And he didn't like that. One instance involving inappropriate behavior between coworkers was not a disgrace because the event occurred in the offices of the OEOB, but because the people engaged in the event were (gasp!) BOTH MEN! He kept writing about the valor and decency and appropriateness and patriotism of the Bush I administration. One wonders what he would think about the Bush II administration. Because after all, it's okay to lie and obfuscate and act immorally and unethically as long as you appear what Aldrich called, "all-American."

You should read it for entertainment, but definitely don't pay money for it. And with that, I bid you a good day, with thanks for all the support, whether kindly or ribald, in my ongoing effort to ensure that every single inch of my body be somehow medically invaded by 2009.