Know Thyself

I laughed hysterically at The Sun (UK)'s report of Maroon 5 lead singer (and legendary himbo) Adam Levine expressing his disappointment at sex with tennis pro Maria Sharapova: "She wouldn’t make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration'."

Umm...Adam? When a woman says that she has to "concentrate" while you are on the case, that is HER way of rather delicately telling you that your case is pretty thin. It really ought not to be a cue for you to be disappointed in HER, Adam darling. I could offer you all kinds of advice, including "don't be such an arrogant dirtbag," but something tells me it will do no good. Something also tells me that you, though American, tend to engage in 'Scottish Foreplay,' ie, your understanding of the concept extends no further than shouting a hearty, "Brace yourself, Bunty!"

Ladies, you've been warned.