I've Got the Fever for the Flava

VH1 again.

This time it's the Flavor of Love, Flava Flav's reality show where he seeks to find Miz Right. The show writeup puts it this way:

In "Flavor of Love," 20 single women from all walks of life, selected for their expressed love for Flav, will move into a "phat crib" in Los Angeles and vie for his affection. With help and advice from Big Rick, Flav's gigantic body-guard and chauffeur, Flavor Flav will date all of the women, weed out the ones who are only after his fame and fortune...and in the end will choose his one true love.

Along the way, Flav will put the ladies through several challenges including a lie-detector test administered by Brigitte Nielsen herself, a cooking contest judged by Flav's own mother, and the dreaded blind-fold sniff test! Plus, there will be several other surprises throughout this ten-part series including clock ceremonies, dates at Red Lobster, and a new set of gold teeth signifying true love!

This show is my (formerly) dirty little secret. I cannot stop watching it. For those of you just joining us, Flava Flav is a rapper from the late 80's, with gold teeth, no kinda class, and absolutely no looks whatsoever. So OF COURSE 20 women have signed on to vie for his nasty-a**, no-class affections. It is a train wreck I cannot stop watching. As long as I've already eaten, because the kissing that goes on is barely physically bearable to watch. The catfighting between the women, however, is hilarious. Hilarious mostly because they are fighting tooth and nail FOR FLAV!! He's a cross between Larry Fine of the Three Stooges, a crackhead Huggy Bear from Starsky & Hutch, Jaws from the James Bond movies, and Jerry Lewis in his Nutty Professor days. It's a wild mix that, no matter how you cut it, ain't attractive. Which proves--not that women are less shallow than men in their love for unattractive partners--but that some women will naked hot tub with anyone for the chance to get their siliconed selves on TV.

I cannot tear myself away from his wisdom. He's taking them on a roller skating rink date because he "wants to see their roller skating skills;" he told one woman not to worry what one of the other women said because "if it don't apply, you gotta let it fly!" He called his date with one of the women, "dramatical."

Tune in if you have an empty stomach, an empty schedule, and an empty brain. I don't necessarily have those, but I'm tuning in anyway. Hey--call me moronic, call me lowbrow. Just don't call me dramatical.