Wackupuncture

Today began like any other, with Bambina dropping some knowledge on us at the breakfast table. She informed us that her foot (just yesterday released from its cast after a month after an unfortunate fall on the school playground) would be "somewhat weak for 11 or 9 or at the very least 3 days." Cool. Then she proceeded with her "Raise Your Hand If..." game. You're not familiar with the game? Allow me to explain just in case you happen to drop by some day. Bambina yells, "Raise your hand if... [insert situation here, like "your birthday is in May!"]." Those at the table who qualify then raise their hands. It sounds simple, but it's not; because, really, who's to say that I am or am not "a slice of bacon" or "a bagel," born in the month of May, right? It just gets sillier and sillier by the minute, but she loves it and so we comply. Until today, when she said, "Raise your hand if you like to shake your booty!" Our hands went up. Followed immediately by, "Raise your hand if you like to shake your vagina!" BBDD's hand goes down waaaay fast. My hand goes to my face to hide my laughter. After which I wonder aloud whether perhaps we could just include the vagina shaking in with the booty shaking, since it's all kind of nether-regiony after all, isn't it? After a period of review and consideration, Bambina mercifully assented to combining the shakes so that "booty" shaking would now refer to anything in that whole "bummy area" that shakes while you are dancing. Smart girl. Relieved father. Another regular morning in our house.

So then off to acupuncture I went. I have no real knowledge of acupuncture, no real sense of what it is, but my sister does it and has found it to be helpful, and quite frankly y'all, I am as fat and insomniac and ridiculous as I can get with all this prednisone so I'm pretty much ready to try anything. I did it through Dana Farber's Zakim Center just to be safe, in terms of my doctor knowing what I'm up to and seeing practitioners who understand the unique needs of immune-concerned patients. I wish I could say that I experienced profound relaxation and tranquility as a result, but mostly what I experienced was the realization that I am almost genetically unable to sit for 5 minutes and do nothing. I got the needles in various places (none of which hurt at all, I might add), then the doctor left the room for 30 minutes during which I was to relax on the bed while the pan flute music played or whatnot. Can I tell you how hard it was for me to just lie there? The only reason I didn't get up and get my cell phone or laptop was because I would dislodge some of the needles if I moved and then how would I explain that to the doc, right? "Oh, thanks for my wellness acupuncture here to promote healing and relaxation and rest--I just thought I'd pay some bills and download some online grocery coupons while I waited..." That would be embarrassing even for me. So I didn't. I just...laid there. For 30 loooong minutes. Looking at the ceiling. Counting the needles (14). Checking my watch. Checking my watch again. Noting that 3 minutes feels longer than one might think. Wondering if the doctor might come early. Reflecting on how ludicrous and borderline unacceptable it was that I was lying on a bed doing NOTHING at 10 o'clock on a weekday morning when real people were at their jobs doing productive things. People like the doctor. Who might come back early, right? I mean, it's been 18 minutes. I bet he'll come soon. Yeah, he'll be back any minute. Just a few more minutes till I'm done...

All in all, I liked the practitioner, I liked the thought that this might be of some help, and I liked learning more about it; so I made some more appointments. My plan for next time, however? A 30 minute solo game of "Raise Your Hand If...!"