Catching Up On My Reading

Foreign Affairs? Washington Post? WSJ?

Nope. The important ones.

Oprah, Rolling Stone, People and Esquire.

Some thoughts:

1. Is it wrong to not get the "icon" that is Diane Keaton? She's in an ad in Oprah, and I just don't get her current or past appeal. What am I missing? About 47 Woody Allen movies? Or the recent 9 where she is A Woman Of A Certain Age With Kooky Kids and a Young Lover? I just don't get it. She seems to wear the same clothes in which she was frequently photographed with Warren Beatty during the Ford and Carter presidencies. She seems to be addicted to wearing men's hats and scarves. Somebody help me out here.

2. Jeremy "The Pivert" Piven in Esquire. Awesome or completely awesome? Or am I just loving the duality that is Ari Gold in Entourage and personalizing it to Piven? I'd have read more of the Esquire issue, but there were three cologne-attached pages making me gag, so I sacrificed for the delicious Piven. No one else.

3. The three year-old kidnapped from a hotel in Portugal while her parents were out to dinner. Extremely judgmental/blaming the victim to wonder who leaves their 3 and 2 year-olds alone in a hotel room while going to dinner, even if they do check on them every half-hour? Am I an overanxious parent to think that toddlers should not be left alone in hotels, unless they are auditioning for a reality TV show or JonBenet pageant, in which case I have to think that's completely okay?

4. Johnny Depp and Keith Richards (who plays his father in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie) in this month's Rolling Stone. How many ways can the author find to make Johnny Depp say Richards is a rock god, and how many ways can he make them compare moviemaking, rock music, the entertainment industry and the Rolling Stones themselves to pirates? Hack writing. Excruciating interviewing. I'm surprised Richards didn't tell the writer to F Off after the fifth "...so getting back to pirate analogies...."

5. And in my final love-hate with Oprah. An article breathlessly listed on the cover as, "The 4 Love Types. Which are you? Which is he? Don't say another word to him until you take our quiz." I'm sorry; I didn't realize I was reading Seventeen Magazine in which tween girls try to figure out if they are more compatible with Zac Efron from High School Musical or Drake from Josh and Drake. I remember these quizzes well. I was variously perfectly matched with Scott Baio of Joanie Loves Chachi, Michael Bivens from New Edition, and C. Thomas Howell of The Outsiders. When I was 12. I also wondered at the time, in my pre-pubescent naivete, why they didn't do quizzes to tell you who your best girl friend would be. I was always hoping for Kristy McNichol, my childhood girlcrush, but no quizzes ever existed to prove that she and I'd have a great time playing kickball together. Heartbreak. And to this day I am heartbroken that I was never the same "Love Type" as John Taylor from Duran Duran. Thanks for bringing back the pain, Oprah.