Size Matters

Having cured cancer, AIDS and diverticulitis, scientists in Hong Kong have been conducting the following study with the following results:

HONG KONG (Reuters) - Chinese men have no reason to feel inferior about the size of their penises, according to a Hong Kong study which showed local men measured up to others elsewhere in the world below the belt.
"Our conclusion is that Hong Kong people are no smaller than Western men, where their penises are concerned," said Chan Lung-wai, director of the Urology Center at the Union Hospital, who headed the study.
"There has always been the myth that westerners have bigger penises and their (sexual) ability is better." A group of scientists in Hong Kong spent five months from October last year measuring 148 ethnic Chinese volunteers aged between 23 and 93. The average length of their flaccid penises was 3.33 inches, which compared favorably with similar studies on other men overseas.

Germans have average lengths of about 3.4 inches, Israelis 3.27 inches, Turks 3.07 inches and Filippinos 2.89 inches. Italians were the longest at 3.54 inches, and Americans averaged 3.46 inches.

The study did not measure the penises when they were erect. It found that a man's height bore no relation to the length of his member, but those with higher body mass indexes, or fat content, appeared to have shorter penises. "It seems that as someone gets older and fatter, his blood vessels change, so the penile size is not static. It may be a reflection of the condition of the person's blood vessels," Chan said, adding that this could spur yet another study.

My favorite part of the article is, “The study did not measure the penises when they were erect.” That would be a whole different study, wouldn’t it? But I would ask the esteemed doctor whether his measurements are the “average” or the “mean.” After all, if you don’t throw out the outliers, you’d just need one or two very luckily endowed men (you know who you are) to boost your country’s overall average into the…threes of inches? Could that be correct? Three? Really? Is that the average? Were the men cold? Just out of the pool? Or perhaps nervous at being measured?

In any event, we can rest easy in this Age of Terrorism and Environmental and Economic Upheaval that one of the planet's most pressing questions has been answered by science. Thank you, Science.