On a Lighter Note...Let's Talk Black

When did black become more than one color?

I ask because I am wearing black leather knee boots, black nylons, a tweedy/houndstoothy skirt with black, brown and green elements, a black turtleneck sweater and a v. cool denim jacket with a nice sparkly brooch.

I got dressed this AM, looked in the mirror and thought, "Rowwrrr, baby! You are a vixen!" Not really. I actually thought, "Wow, my butt doesn't look as big in this skirt as I thought it would..."

So anyway. I leave the house to come to work and all of a sudden realize around mid-commute: I look homeless. You know what I mean? How homeless people wear every piece of apparel they own no matter what the style, color, temperature or season? As it turned out in the cold light of day, my black leather boots are blacker than my nylons to the extent that now my nylons look kind of navyish-black. My skirt now looks funny against the nylons, and the black of my turtleneck is a more "flat" (no jokes please!) black than the more vibrant black in the skirt and the boots. To wit, I am essentially wearing four different colors in one outfit and I am now only an empty shopping cart away from looking truly destitute.

Surely fashion cannot be this complicated! I didn't even get dressed in the dark! I swear! How can I wear four black garments and have none of them match?! I'd say that the solution is to start wearing brown instead, but don't even get me started on the 6 gajillion ways that could go...