An arrested "madam" in DC is threatening to release her list of client phone numbers if she can't find another way to raise money for her defense. This may just be the funniest public extortion scheme ever. Which DC power players do you think are getting out their checkbooks tonight? I can't sleep thinking about all the possibilities!
Wonkette
Friday, March 02, 2007
Neurobics: No Pain, No Gain
My Mom and I have been going through some of my Dad's old stuff, stuff that we either couldn't deal with looking at last year or that didn't seem important enough to warrant immediate attention.
For instance, "Keep Your Brain Alive," a book by Lawrence Katz and Manning Rubin. This is a collection of 83 "neurobic" exercises designed to keep your brain functioning at top capability. I started flipping through it mockingly and then found myself getting pulled into it, starting to think about how I could incorporate some of these exercises into my own life. So, since I just spent some of my brain power reading a book, I figure I'd share my learnings with you, my two dear readers.
Neurobics is a theory of brain exercise involving your dendrites, the elements of your brain that receive information across the synapses. If the dendrites are not used they atrophy. Atrophied dendrites then cause "senior moments," some of which I've experienced myself at the tender age of 34.
So, how to strengthen the dendrites?
Present your brain with nonroutine and unexpected experiences using various combinations of all your senses. For example:
--Shower with your eyes closed. Find the soap, the shampoo, wash yourself only by touch.
--Use your nondominant hand for toothbrushing, makeup, buttoning shirts, eating, whatever.
--Learn touch typing; it uses multiple senses at one time apparently
--Learn a new hobby, something you have never done before
--Get to the outdoors, get off the treadmill and onto a road or trail, force yourself to use multiple senses while exercising, ie, "oh here comes a dog, is the Walk sign illuminated?, don't bump into that tree, etc."
Perhaps most exciting, for all you seniors out there, is the authors' continual return to a favorite method for utilizing multiple senses: sex. Good news!
So. All you spry "still-with-it" octogenarians? We've finally figured you out. You've been doing it with your eyes closed, with your nondominant hand, with a hobby theme, and outdoors.
Finally, the real reason you are called The Greatest Generation.
For instance, "Keep Your Brain Alive," a book by Lawrence Katz and Manning Rubin. This is a collection of 83 "neurobic" exercises designed to keep your brain functioning at top capability. I started flipping through it mockingly and then found myself getting pulled into it, starting to think about how I could incorporate some of these exercises into my own life. So, since I just spent some of my brain power reading a book, I figure I'd share my learnings with you, my two dear readers.
Neurobics is a theory of brain exercise involving your dendrites, the elements of your brain that receive information across the synapses. If the dendrites are not used they atrophy. Atrophied dendrites then cause "senior moments," some of which I've experienced myself at the tender age of 34.
So, how to strengthen the dendrites?
Present your brain with nonroutine and unexpected experiences using various combinations of all your senses. For example:
--Shower with your eyes closed. Find the soap, the shampoo, wash yourself only by touch.
--Use your nondominant hand for toothbrushing, makeup, buttoning shirts, eating, whatever.
--Learn touch typing; it uses multiple senses at one time apparently
--Learn a new hobby, something you have never done before
--Get to the outdoors, get off the treadmill and onto a road or trail, force yourself to use multiple senses while exercising, ie, "oh here comes a dog, is the Walk sign illuminated?, don't bump into that tree, etc."
Perhaps most exciting, for all you seniors out there, is the authors' continual return to a favorite method for utilizing multiple senses: sex. Good news!
So. All you spry "still-with-it" octogenarians? We've finally figured you out. You've been doing it with your eyes closed, with your nondominant hand, with a hobby theme, and outdoors.
Finally, the real reason you are called The Greatest Generation.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Tonight's the Night
Since Thursdays on TV ain't what they used to be (remember Cosby Show, Hill Street Blues, Family Ties?), I am actually going to spend the evening posting to the Haggis. Today, no can do.
Check back later! Thanks!
Check back later! Thanks!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I Think Therefore I Am...Annoyed
My latest metamorphosis into the love child of Andy Rooney and William Safire has occurred as a result of having excess frequent flier miles on America West.
I used to travel to California frequently, often using America West--an albeit crappy airline—for the simple reason that their layovers were in Phoenix or Las Vegas. After spending ten too many delayed or cancelled flight situations in places like Cincinnati, Detroit and Chicago, and being no closer to LA then when I’d left my house nine hours prior, I decided that America West was the way to go. Even if all aviation hell broke loose in Vegas, I knew I could still conceivably get myself to LA rather than languishing in an airport too far from both home and destination to be of any practical use.
Shortly after my California trip habits ended, America West merged with USAirways, no doubt due to my role in their precipitous revenue decline. As a result of the merger I had unused frequent flier miles. Not enough to cash in for travel and too many to ignore the fabulous offer provided by AW: get magazine subscriptions “paid” for with my old, otherwise useless miles.
As a further result I have been reading a lot of magazines lately. Some good, some terrible, but all having one thing in common: the lamentable use of the distracting and annoying (new?) device I call the “think crutch.” In an otherwise interesting or stupid-but-innocuous article, say on nutrition, the author will say something like, “Diets high in flavonoids and polyphenols (think raspberries and blueberries)…” In an article about our obsession with celebrity culture, the writer will say, “…people who are famous for being famous (think Paris Hilton)…” In another article the writer will say, “Give your woman some romance for Valentine’s Day (think chocolates and champagne)…”
Where did this “think crutch” come from? Whatever happened to using complete sentences, complete thoughts? Would it have killed the writer to say something like, “..found in blueberries and raspberries…” or “…such as Paris Hilton…”? It’s just so effing lazy and faux chatty to do an end-run around actual writing by always relying on the “think Ernest Borgnine” or “think genital herpes” device.
To me it signifies yet another nail in the coffin of written communication, and it is bugging the hell out of me. I barely noticed its use until I read it three times in one article in one of the parenting magazines. Unfortunately, as these things go, now that I’ve noticed it, I can’t stop noticing it. Also unfortunately, I think the trend toward dumbed-down communication is here to stay. Which is why I wrote this post for you.
Think Misery Loves Company. :)
I used to travel to California frequently, often using America West--an albeit crappy airline—for the simple reason that their layovers were in Phoenix or Las Vegas. After spending ten too many delayed or cancelled flight situations in places like Cincinnati, Detroit and Chicago, and being no closer to LA then when I’d left my house nine hours prior, I decided that America West was the way to go. Even if all aviation hell broke loose in Vegas, I knew I could still conceivably get myself to LA rather than languishing in an airport too far from both home and destination to be of any practical use.
Shortly after my California trip habits ended, America West merged with USAirways, no doubt due to my role in their precipitous revenue decline. As a result of the merger I had unused frequent flier miles. Not enough to cash in for travel and too many to ignore the fabulous offer provided by AW: get magazine subscriptions “paid” for with my old, otherwise useless miles.
As a further result I have been reading a lot of magazines lately. Some good, some terrible, but all having one thing in common: the lamentable use of the distracting and annoying (new?) device I call the “think crutch.” In an otherwise interesting or stupid-but-innocuous article, say on nutrition, the author will say something like, “Diets high in flavonoids and polyphenols (think raspberries and blueberries)…” In an article about our obsession with celebrity culture, the writer will say, “…people who are famous for being famous (think Paris Hilton)…” In another article the writer will say, “Give your woman some romance for Valentine’s Day (think chocolates and champagne)…”
Where did this “think crutch” come from? Whatever happened to using complete sentences, complete thoughts? Would it have killed the writer to say something like, “..found in blueberries and raspberries…” or “…such as Paris Hilton…”? It’s just so effing lazy and faux chatty to do an end-run around actual writing by always relying on the “think Ernest Borgnine” or “think genital herpes” device.
To me it signifies yet another nail in the coffin of written communication, and it is bugging the hell out of me. I barely noticed its use until I read it three times in one article in one of the parenting magazines. Unfortunately, as these things go, now that I’ve noticed it, I can’t stop noticing it. Also unfortunately, I think the trend toward dumbed-down communication is here to stay. Which is why I wrote this post for you.
Think Misery Loves Company. :)
I'm Three-Timing My Doctors
No post today because I have to go spend the day at the hospital. Remind me to tell you about why I'm going back and forth between hospitals and doctors. I feel like I'm on The Bachelorette and I'm down to three suitors; I like something different about each of them, but can't quite decide whether to pick The Hot One, The Smart One or The Easy One.
Tune in this evening to find out who gets the rose...
Tune in this evening to find out who gets the rose...
Sunday, February 25, 2007
My Blog Post Has a First Name; It's O-S-C-A-R
Some thoughts from the Oscars:
How cute is Ellen DeGeneres? I completely love her and her style of humor. I think I want to be her when I grow up. After I'm Annie Lennox. But before I'm Rita Moreno.
Daniel Craig: Ought to win the Oscar for Best Hotness
Helen Mirren: I've never noticed, perhaps due to the roles she selects, that she is actually a very beautiful woman.
They should give an extra minute to people whose first language is not English. That would, of course, include any Scottish people in the audience...
The "Sound Effects Choir" features about 40 people who apparently are capable of beatboxing sound effects to movies, such as airplanes, waves, cars, bugs and whatnot. I'm just gonna say this: watching people wave their tongues Gene Simmons-style in order to sound like fish in water in a children's movie is disturbing on multiple levels. There's a reason why sound effects aren't visual effects, people! Next time let's hope they opt for an interpretive dance.
How about Alan Arkin winning?! LOVE that! I know he's been around for donkey's years, but my first movie experience with him was in an uncredited role as the police captain in So I Married an Axe Murderer.
A surprise performance by Miss Celine Dion! Um, can we have the Sound Effects Choir back, please?
In an final note, my favorite joke of the night was Ellen saying, "without blacks, gays and Jews, there would be no Oscars...and no one named Oscar either."
And with that, now that it's past 11pm, I'm going to wrap this up in the hopes that the Oscar telecast will follow suit.
How cute is Ellen DeGeneres? I completely love her and her style of humor. I think I want to be her when I grow up. After I'm Annie Lennox. But before I'm Rita Moreno.
Daniel Craig: Ought to win the Oscar for Best Hotness
Helen Mirren: I've never noticed, perhaps due to the roles she selects, that she is actually a very beautiful woman.
They should give an extra minute to people whose first language is not English. That would, of course, include any Scottish people in the audience...
The "Sound Effects Choir" features about 40 people who apparently are capable of beatboxing sound effects to movies, such as airplanes, waves, cars, bugs and whatnot. I'm just gonna say this: watching people wave their tongues Gene Simmons-style in order to sound like fish in water in a children's movie is disturbing on multiple levels. There's a reason why sound effects aren't visual effects, people! Next time let's hope they opt for an interpretive dance.
How about Alan Arkin winning?! LOVE that! I know he's been around for donkey's years, but my first movie experience with him was in an uncredited role as the police captain in So I Married an Axe Murderer.
A surprise performance by Miss Celine Dion! Um, can we have the Sound Effects Choir back, please?
In an final note, my favorite joke of the night was Ellen saying, "without blacks, gays and Jews, there would be no Oscars...and no one named Oscar either."
And with that, now that it's past 11pm, I'm going to wrap this up in the hopes that the Oscar telecast will follow suit.
Tom Brady is So Shady
As you know, I like sports. But not in the "who played shortstop for the Red Sox in 1968?" kind of way. I like sports more in the "now WHY would they wear that?" or "he's been married how many times?" way. So, as you can imagine, I was quite interested to hear that Tom Brady, New England Patriots quarterback, is going to be a father. His ex-girlfriend, Bridget Moynihan, is about 3 months pregnant. "Fair enough" you might say. But here's where it gets unpleasant: He just happened to break up with her--and immediately start dating supermodel Gisele Bundchen--right around the time when he would have been told that she was pregnant. Curious, no?
Add to that the fact that his "camp" as the NY Post calls it said "Bridget didn't even bother to tell him she was going to go public with this," said a friend. Some say that Moynahan, three months expectant with her first child, "may have gotten pregnant on purpose. She is 36, wanted a baby, and Tom was dumping her. It's a little suspicious."
Or, in two words, Tom Brady: All Class. That's a pretty sh*tty thing to say about the person who will be the mother of your child, isn't it? Someday Brady Jr. is going to read that his/her father considered him/her to have been a burden forced upon him, ruining his jiggy fun with a supermodel. What a fantastic human being. Not to mention the fact that Bridget Moynahan has every right to "go public" with her pregnancy as she sees fit. She's an actress, and after three months she is no doubt starting to show. Besides, why is he complaining? He has clearly moved on to the next (not pregnant) woman, so why does he get any input whatsoever into how Bridget Moynahan conducts herself? He ought to look in the mirror if he's looking for someone's behavior to critique.
Just one woman's opinion...
Add to that the fact that his "camp" as the NY Post calls it said "Bridget didn't even bother to tell him she was going to go public with this," said a friend. Some say that Moynahan, three months expectant with her first child, "may have gotten pregnant on purpose. She is 36, wanted a baby, and Tom was dumping her. It's a little suspicious."
Or, in two words, Tom Brady: All Class. That's a pretty sh*tty thing to say about the person who will be the mother of your child, isn't it? Someday Brady Jr. is going to read that his/her father considered him/her to have been a burden forced upon him, ruining his jiggy fun with a supermodel. What a fantastic human being. Not to mention the fact that Bridget Moynahan has every right to "go public" with her pregnancy as she sees fit. She's an actress, and after three months she is no doubt starting to show. Besides, why is he complaining? He has clearly moved on to the next (not pregnant) woman, so why does he get any input whatsoever into how Bridget Moynahan conducts herself? He ought to look in the mirror if he's looking for someone's behavior to critique.
Just one woman's opinion...
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