StarSpangledHaggis

Haggis Has a New Home

2012-01-11T00:32:00.001-05:00

The Haggis has moved to Wordpress!

starspangledhaggis.wordpress.com

Please adjust your online habits accordingly.

See you there!

Idiots On Parade

2012-01-09T12:19:00.000-05:00

A few opening thoughts on the state of the GOP race to the bottom:

In the year 2012, there is a credible candidate for the United States presidency who is anti-contraception. Think about that for a minute, folks. An actual candidate is in favor of states outlawing contraception. The fact that he is garnering votes perhaps says more about peoples' ability to compartmentalize evidence of outright foolery (since I'm assuming all Of his supporters do not have 5 or 6 kids with more on the way naturally) than it does Santorum's lunatic fringe jackassery.
Santorum

I'm always mystified how people who believe deeply in the limited role of government are completely fine with government intrusion into female reproductive decisions. How does that make any sense? Ron Paul wants to defund this, dismantle that, who gives a crap if Iran has nukes-not our business. But my vagina? Totally his business. My uterus? On his short short list of things to care about. Yeah yeah, he says it's not the FEDERAL government's issue. Like Santorum, he is going to leave it to the states to prosecute those involved. Once again, jackassery.

But my overall Award for Jackassery Lifetime Achievement goes to the entire Republican primary electorate for rewarding the eminently qualified, electable and (hear me, children of Reagan) NOT INSANE Jon Huntsman with single digit polling numbers. Yes, he is anti-choice, which makes him toxic to me, but to you? You should like him. Reagan would have voted for Huntsman. He would have avoided the hell out of every other clown in the race unless Lee Atwater made him say hello. Reagan, although not my favorite president, understood that politics requires--REQUIRES--compromise. If you have immovable beliefs that preclude you from talking turkey with Ted Kennedy, then go join a fucking church. If you want to move your ball forward while helping your fellow Americans of all political stripes, then run for office and do what you have to do to better the lives of others, recognizing the immortal words of that great statesman Mick Jagger: you can't always get what you want.

Four More Years!

2012-01-08T23:49:00.001-05:00

Wilkommen Bienvenue Welcome! (it sounds even better if you say it in the voice of Madeline "Lili Von Shtupp" Kahn).

Welcome to the new but not necessarily improved Star Spangled Haggis 2012. (housekeeping is ongoing, darlings)

Yeah yeah, I know I closed up shop back in the day. Just call me The Who, with my twice-a-decade farewell tours. But this election cycle has just proven too damn entertaining, infuriating and bowel-lurchingly terrifying to sit out. The web needs the progressively moderate voice of The Haggis! George Stephanopoulos and Bill O'Reilly require the profoundly erudite perspective of The Haggis in order to prep for their shows! The POTUS candidates need the laser-like insight of The Haggis in order to track the zeitgeist of the American voter! Oh, yes, friends. The Haggis is good for the web, good for America. Which is why we are back. Oh, and also because the ever-patient BabyDaddy might divorce me if I harangue him one more time about The Evils of Newt Gingrich or the Perils of Ron Paul.

So here we are. I think this is the part where I say God Bless Haggis readers, and God Bless the United States of America!

A New Era

2010-04-12T12:48:00.002-04:00

Hi All. As my life has progressed, The Haggis has felt more and more like something from my past. It was such a wonderful outlet for writing, for meeting you, for hearing your comments, and for connecting with so many wonderful people. I thank you for all of your support over the past six years (yes! six years!) and invite you to follow more personal than political events at

http://desmondandmollyjones.wordpress.com

Thanks again for all the love and support!

Thanks For Your Time

2010-02-18T03:11:00.002-05:00

Friends, the bad news is that blogging has been and will be infrequent.

The good news is that it's because we received our travel authorization for China to bring home Baby Sister. We've had her photo since October, and every day since then has been exquisite torture waiting for the go-ahead. So now that we have it, we have 2 1/2 weeks to get ready for wheels up to China. Woo Hoo!

Which means that I'm using every spare moment to pack, plan and purchase, not to mention prepare Bambina for what lies ahead. She' s very excited to be a big sister in theory, but in practice it is and will be a major adjustment for her. Just last night we received a new pic of Baby Sister. I said, "Wow. We have two beautiful girls in our family!" Her reply? "Um, Mama? I think every family should have one kid who is the cutest, and I feel strongly that it should be me." She then suggested that Baby Sister could perhaps hold the top spot for "smallest" or "slowest." Nice.

Obstacles

2010-02-06T06:22:00.002-05:00

I just read this in the latest issue of The Sun magazine, and it absolutely floored me--as I wait impatiently for my daughter, for my health to improve so I can get off my horrible meds, for the planets to align in whatever way I've convinced myself they must align this day. Enjoy.

Because Even The Word Obstacle Is An Obstacle

Try to love everything that gets in your way;
The Chinese women in flowered bathing caps
murmuring together in Mandarin and doing leg exercises in your lane
while you execute thirty-six furious laps,
one for every item on your to-do list.
The heavy-bellied man who goes thrashing through the water
like a horse with a harpoon stuck in its side and
whose breathless tsunamis rock you from your course.
Teachers all. Learn to be small
and swim past obstacles like a minnow,
without grudges or memory. Dart
toward your goal, sperm to egg. Thinking, Obstacle,
is another obstacle. Try to love the teenage girl
lounging against the ladder, showing off her new tattoo:
Cette vie est la mienne, This life is mine,
in thick blue-black letters on her ivory instep.
Be glad she'll have that to look at the rest of her life, and
keep going. Swim by an uncle
in the lane next to yours who is teaching his nephew
how to hold his breath underwater,
even though kids aren't supposed
to be in the pool at this hour. Someday,
years from now, this boy
who is kicking and flailing in the exact place
you want to touch and turn
may be a young man at a wedding on a boat,
raising his champagne glass in a toast
when a huge wave hits, washing everyone overboard.
He'll come up coughing and spitting like he is now,
but he'll come up like a cork,
alive. So your moment
of impatience must bow in service to the larger story,
because if something is in your way, it is
going your way, the way
of all beings: toward darkness, toward light.

- Allison Luterman

A Few More Photos

2010-02-06T06:10:00.004-05:00

Bambina rocking the Irish Step Dancing.

The view while I waited at the airport for Grandma and Big Cousin's arrival

The happiest cousins on the block. Bambina was thrilled to have her cousin pick her up at school and meet her friends.

Let Me Tell You About My Slow Cooker

2010-02-05T06:18:00.007-05:00

Perhaps completing my descent into full-on suburban housewife-itude, I have purchased a slow cooker. At Walmart.

Friends, the slow cooker has changed my life, and let me tell you why. First, I am the crappiest cook you have ever met. No, really. You think that other lady was? Or your old girlfriend? Or your current wife? Or your mother? Or your father? No, dear. It's me. I just don't have the burn for it. I mean, I go through phases where I think, "I'm going to take cooking classes!" because I want to be a good wife to my husband who works all day, and this is how I will contribute to the household and blah blah. And then I start to cook something and I'm like, "Why do I have to fucking 'julienne' or 'dice' this? I don't have time for this! How about I just chop it up and throw it in, for god's sake?!" And then we end up eating some dish containing giant onion chunks where there should have been a soupcon of onion essence gliding across the palate. And then I've got to be standing there at the stove managing the different ingredients, like, "oh! It's time to add the adobo paste! Where is the damn adobo paste? Oh, I don't have adobo paste. Does paprika work? Yeah, paprika. Oh no, the onions are burning rather than caramelizing because I went to look for adobo paste!" It's pure hell--for me and for the folks who need to eat paprika-flavored chili.

Enter the slow cooker. Enter the million websites with slow cooker recipes, all of which involve about 4 steps: maybe brown the meat, maybe not. Chop the vegetables. Add the spices. Cook on high for 6 hours. I simply cannot ruin a dinner cooked in the slow cooker. And can we discuss the reduction in grocery bills as a result? Cheap cuts of meat, quality veggies, quality spices...and leftovers, baby!

The good people at Hamilton Beach have been reading my diary, because this is a straight-up dream come true. I just made the Obama Family Chili for a friend who just had a baby and needs some help. Took me 15 minutes. See? The slow cooker contributing to tikkun olam. Ordinarily, I would shy away from being a meals-on-wheels mitzvah girl simply because I hate to further burden already-afflicted individuals with my nasty-ass cooking. But this time? Kid-friendly chili for four delivered to your door! And the extra? MY child ate it. Liked it. (Note: the key to this chili is the mildness, more turmeric and oregano than chili powder, served over rice. Very Hawaiian/Indonesian influence. Parents can add the spice to their bowls, the kids devour the chili out of the pot because it's a flavorful, accessible, and healthy sloppy joe-seeming meal.) Bisous to Michelle Obama for this one.

Today is busy, what with the visitors arriving. So tonight is going to be a soup from this amazing blog, recommended by my girl VC: http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/10/sweet-potato-and-sausage-soup/. And I shall spend precisely 10 minutes putting it together, thank you.

I don't know why I waited so long to get a crockpot, y'all. Oh wait, I do. Because I am an elitist snob who thought they were only for people who liked to cook "meals" with campbell's cream of mushroom soup and velveeta. Well, you all have the last laugh now. I honor you, crockpot women of America.

Friday Linky Fun

2010-02-05T05:54:00.006-05:00

Grandma Haggis and Bambina's cousin are arriving today for the weekend, so things will be (even) slower than usual around the blog today. They are escaping the DC Snowpocalypse by perhaps an hour, so we'll see how long they are residing with us should the DC airports not reopen on Sunday. In any event, we're happy to accommodate them here in Massachusetts where we not only love wealthy pickup truck driving Republicans, but we know how to plow a damn street. Wilkommen, poor wretched DC castoffs!

First up: a shocking and racist indictment of my home country. This notion that Scottish people drink too much! Lies! All lies, I tell you! http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/04/world/europe/04scotland.html?emc=eta1 Oh yeah, the reference to "depressed industrial area Strathclyde"? My home county. Boo-ya!

Next, Bambina rejoices! Having cured cancer, we have now redesigned the ketchup packet to allow for dunking! http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=9743988

In the "What an asshole!" category, here is Republican Senator Shelby from Louisiana placing a blanket hold on ALL Obama nominees until his state gets its two pet billion-dollar projects back. THAT is some seriously awesome fiscal restraint right there. http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/02/report-shelby-blocks-all-obama-nominations-in-the-senate-over-al-earmarks.php?ref=fpblg

And, finally, a plea. Can we all just stop using the word "retarded" already? First, because it is unnecessary, inappropriate and undeniably cruel. I remember "retarded" kids being teased at school and I remember just having my heart break for them. It's the worst kind of grade school insult--and can we all agree we're above that? Second, let's ban it because I want Sarah Palin to go away. Every time someone (I'm looking at you, Rahm Emanuel, you no-class boor--but apparently not you, Rush Limbaugh because you run the conservative movement and Caribou Barbie dare not cross you) says "retarded" to mean stupid, it gives Palin another reason to be in the news cycle. So--do we have a deal? Morons are morons. Losers are losers. Dimwits are dimwits. Let's let the word "retarded" fade into oblivion, and with it, Sarah Palin.

The Party of Obstruction

2010-02-04T04:56:00.004-05:00

If there's any question that the Congressional GOP has zero interest in working in a bipartisan fashion, allow their own words to settle it for you: politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com

Seriously, folks. Obstruction is not a long-term winning strategy, regardless of how tingly it may make Mitch McConnell feel. I look forward to some reality-based GOP proposals to go along with their opposition. Dare I hold my breath?

GOP FAIL

2010-02-04T04:25:00.001-05:00

Just in case you support the new GOP purity test for candidates, please know that Ronald Reagan failed it:

www.thedailybeast.com

Kidnapped

2010-02-03T21:32:00.007-05:00

http://www.breitbart.com

That's the shills at Breitbart dinging Secretary of State Clinton for not immediately defending the Christian church group that got caught busing Haitian kids into the Dominican Republic.

WHERE DO I START?!

I could go on and on about the reams of effing paperwork I have filled out to adopt my daughters, the invasive and unbelievable questions I have answered, the permission (and fees) I have given to have every square inch of my life's history investigated for even a whiff of wrongdoing--all to ensure that I am not a child abuser or a child trafficker. And yes, I complain about the process, but hear me now and believe me later, it SHOULD be hard to adopt a child. It SHOULD be a process that makes you sometimes wonder if you have the stones for it. It SHOULD be a series of events that cause attrition. If it was as easy as busing a bunch of kids into a neighboring country, we'd all be doing it--and that is unconscionable from the perspective of child safety.

I deplore the "good Christians" who were--let's call it what it is--kidnapping Haitian kids. Stunts like this are part of the reason the Hague had to institute the regulations it instituted. Yes, the pedophiles and the traffickers. But also the "well-meaning" people who treat children as charity cases, as nothing more than a means to the Lord's ends, rather than as human beings who exist separate from whatever desires and motives their "helpers" might have. On what planet do you round up a bunch of kids you don't know anything about (including the fact that a couple of them actually did have family from whom they were separated) and just summarily transport them to a foreign country simply because you have a need to "help" them? It is absolutely unconscionable--and completely un-Christian. Do you disagree? Then imagine a disaster like Katrina in your neighborhood. You're separated from your kids, maybe you don't know if each other is alive or dead. Then imagine some church group from Mexico or Canada simply picking your kid up and transporting them internationally--because they want to help. Less altruistic-seeming now, isn't it?

I wish no harm upon these people, but I do hope that they will stop saying that they should be excused simply because they were trying to help. You kidnapped children. For whatever reason; you kidnapped children.

The Obama Train Rolls On

2010-01-29T23:04:00.002-05:00

Such a short post this will be. How FABULOUS was today's Q&A between President Obama and the GOP? As I said elsewhere, the President absolutely cleaned their clocks while the cameras rolled. There are already mumblings among GOPers that it should never have been allowed. But you KNOW they thought they were going to catch the President on something, thereby creating a 10 day vicious news cycle to feed off the nasty politics of the moment. Instead, they got a President who dismantled every single one of their specious arguments, and a President who was not afraid of them. As someone else, a Republican said to me, "Why they thought they'd win an debate with a gifted lawyer is beyond me..." Of course, now the GOP is saying the President "lectured" them. Which is it, guys? You invited him to a gotcha and you won? Or you invited him to a gotcha and he "lectured" you? Either way, you lost.

Thank you, Gods of Television! And thank you, GOP. Please keep bringing "Teh Stupid" and perhaps Obama will keep bringing "Teh Smackdown."

Here's some video:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/01/obama-does-question-time-with-the-house-gop.php

Dance Fever

2010-01-29T22:48:00.003-05:00

I don't know what this says about me as a parent, but my child has officially written her second ever song. The first was created when she was about 4, and it was called "Coconuts Tonight." It involved her sitting at the keyboard and jubilantly hammering the keys while singing at top volume, "Coconuts tonight! Coconuts tonight!!" Real ASCAP material, folks.

Well, her "second official song, Mama, and I want to put the 'tm' after it so no one else can steal it" is entitled--wait for it--"Dance With the Boobies and Bra." Oh dear lord. Because she is serious. She wrote the music and lyrics all by herself and she wants it registered "with the TM." I have been living in fear since she wrote it that she will bust out with this totally inappropriate song simply because she is so damn proud of herself. I swear to god, dear reader(s), that I do not say "boobies" to her, nor do I encourage her to pen melodies encouraging people to get on up and dance with them. It's a mystery. But the worst part is that the melody is actually rather catchy, as are the "lyrics" which I share with you below as long as you promise not to steal them:

Oh, dance with the boobies and bra
Just dance with the boobies and bra
Dance with the boobies and bra
Just dance with the boobies and bra
You can dance with the boobies
You can dance with a bra
Or you can boogie down with them both!

I'd write more, but I'm now off to boogie down with them both.

Friday Freaks

2010-01-29T10:52:00.002-05:00

FINALLY posting this after being shut out of blogger all day. GRRRR...

I don't get out much, friends. But when I do I seem to find the freaks.

The other night I went to a Suzuki violin school parent orientation. The man leading the meeting had a big ol' Tom Selleck moustache. So let's just start there for Glamour Don'ts. He shakes my hand, and only then does it become clear to me that he is so sick with a head cold that he really should have begged off the meeting and sent a colleague. So I'm immediately grossed out that I've touched him. He then proceeds to conduct the meeting while doing that sniff/snort/booger thing that people with bad colds do in order to breathe and talk. So I'm listening while trying to block out the boogsnarf noise when I notice that he has snot coming out of his nose, only because it's landing on--and sliding down--his prodigious pornstache, he is blissfully unaware of the situation. At this point I can barely contain my gag reflex and I am mentally devising an escape route, but there IS no escape route. I'm stuck. He yammers on for AN HOUR about Suzuki piano and his kids and how he teaches his students and the beauty and mystery of Dr. Suzuki, which of course is meaningless to me, and then asks finally, "So, any questions?" Um, yeah: Pretty much all of the questions I was told this session would answer! So the final result was that I spent an hour watching gelatinous snot drip from a drip, learned zip...and thought "Oh sh*t!" when I found out the tuition chit. So, the bad news is that there will be no Suzuki lessons for Bambina, the good news is that when we pay off our house and cars in 20 years and can pay for lessons, I won't have to go back to the orientation. Freak.

Then I'm at a mother-daughter event where there are a couple of other families with kids adopted internationally. Now, contrary to popular practice, I don't rush over to such families any more than I'd rush over to any other group of strangers. Mostly because, well, that's weird, "Hey! Your kid is Chinese! So is mine! Wanna be friends?!" Weird. Second, my child hates being singled out for being different from me, so I make a real effort to not visit that upon someone else's kid. But there's always someone who does. One lady, who adopted her daughters from Cambodia, said loudly in a group of other moms to whom I'd been chatting, "I notice that you have a beautiful Asian daughter too. Were is she from?" China. "Oh mine are from Cambodia. Can you believe how ridiculous the process is? Oh my god!.." And then proceeds to complain about the wait, the paperwork, the drama. I did offer that our process has been a little bit long, but not because of China entirely, that a lot of the holdup has been on the US side and that I'm sure the processes were completely different since they are different countries. But I was just so very uncomfortable with her airing her issues with the process in front of total strangers (including me). I mean, this is how you became your children's mother. What are you saying? I never want my kids to think that the process of becoming their mother made me angry or bitter or pissed in any way. What does that communicate to your child about her if you do? So I spent the next 45 minutes trying to change the subject, to get her to say something positive, and to pretty much stop including me in a discussion of which I wanted no part. Freak.

Then I'm at Whole Foods (yeah, I know I'm on record as despising Whole Paycheck, but they are the only place that carries Culturelle--and girlfriend needs her daily triple dose of intestinal flora since last month's unfortunate Stomach Virus Incident), and I go to the Express Lane, where there is a lovely senior citizen manning the checkout. He's darling, but he is S-L-O-W. I literally have ONE item. One. With a coupon. Well, now it's drama because he can't get the scanner to read the printed barcode. "Is this coupon off the computer?" Yes. (Because who buys a Sunday paper anymore?) "I can't scan it." Why? "It won't scan." Can you try the handheld scanner? "That won't work." Can you try it? Meanwhile he's trying to read the fine print on the coupon, for what reason I know not. Finally another worker comes over to bag and sees the line getting longer and longer, so she grabs the handheld and--voila!--coupon scans (of course). Best part? As I leave, he is STILL reading the coupon! Freak.

Hold the Phones!

2010-01-28T06:07:00.003-05:00

Many of you will have seen the news about ACORN-exposer James O'Keefe and three friends being arrested for trying to tamper with Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu's phone system. msnbc

I find the Right's response to this felony to be telling. 1. It was a prank! Not a crime! 2. Michael Moore does this all the time and the Left cheers! 3. The liberal media is making more out of this than it is! 4. If they shouldn't have been there then security shouldn't have let them in.

Where do I even begin?! Let's start with the obvious:

If these were four unemployed men of middle-eastern descent committing a "prank" rather than some conservative rich kids (one of whose father is the acting US attorney in Western LA), how would Fox News be reacting?

Tampering with a Senator's phones is illegal. Tampering with MY phone is illegal. If you come to my house under false pretenses to disable my phone--even if it's just some kooky, wacky fun for you--it is still illegal. More so if the phones you are attempting to disable belong to the United States government. At the very least it's criminal trespass.

Michael Moore is one of my least favorite people. I don't watch his stuff if I can help it. But here's the difference: Michael Moore has never committed a felony. He's been an obnoxious pain in the ass and provided some very awkward and uncomfortable moments for people in power (and the viewing audience), but he has never tampered with someone's telephone or impersonated a phone repair person for the purposes of gaining entry to a secure area to embarrass someone. He has always just kind of allowed them to embarrass themselves in the open, without all this college-style dress-up chicanery.

To believe the security excuse, then you'd have to let every terrorist off the hook, since after all it was airport security that let them on the plane, and if they shouldn't have been on the plane then it's not their fault that they got on the plane. Yeah, I don't see anyone at Faux News taking up that opinion.

So let's just call this for what it is. Four guys who take their cues from their days as conservative college newspaper people, who think dressing up and playing pretend "Jackass-style" is the way to speak truth to power. Point being, that mess might work on some college campus but it doesn't really work in the real world. You know, where there are real consequences for your actions. Where committing a felony is a serious offense, even if you did go buy some cool costumes.

SOTU + POTUS = NOT PDQ

2010-01-27T21:24:00.012-05:00

Oh, it's gonna be a long one, darlings! Barry is BRINGIN' IT tonight. Don't know yet if he'll bring it boring or ugly or inspired, but the word on the street is that he's bringin' SEVENTY DAMN MINUTES of it, baby. Hope you don't need a potty break!

Oh, he's comin' out smiling. And swingin'. Poking fun at the GOP: "Oh, I thought I'd get some applause for that one!"

Awesome proposal: take $30 million that the Wall Street banks pay back and give it to small community banks to loan to small businesses. No GOP applause? Porque? Oh--they don't like that their pals on corporate welfare are being asked to offer restitution to the American taxpayer, which I find interesting seeing as they always go on and on about how great the taxpayers are, and how we are entitled to more of our own money. But why not now? Hmm...

As I'm watching this, I'm realizing that the entire purpose of this speech is to rally the troops. Dems in Congress. Americans on Main Street. The party faithful. Obama needs to re-energize the base, and tonight is his chance to do it, back in campaign style. And this is where political types will see the effect of David Plouffe's return to the fold. Those of you who recall know that David Plouffe was The Architect of Obama's winning campaign; he just returned to the organization last week, and damn if it isn't obvious.

Another question: How is the GOP not applauding for tax cuts!?? They are literally not applauding for one single thing the President says, even if it was to rename our entire country The United States of Reagan. And they'd better be careful with that, because if they overplay their drunk-with-power-Scott-Brown-won hand, they are going to flame out Newt Gingrich-style. How do you NOT clap for new jobs? Tax breaks for US companies who keep jobs in America? That is dickitude in the extreme. You know they are all deathly afraid that their fearless leaders Rush and Glenn will play footage of "the clapping" on a loop to their mindless minions.

Now he's back to health care, and he's playing it for all it's worth. "It's clear I didn't tackle health care because it was good politics..." He "will not walk away from it, and neither should the people in this chamber." "As temperatures cool, I want everyone to take another look at the plan we proposed...but if anyone from either party has a better plan to bring down premiums, cover the uninsured, stop insurance companies from taking away coverage, bring down the deficit, let me see it!...let's get it done." THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. Thank you. For that specifically, but also for frigging talking to me like I'm an adult with a brain.

Now he's smacking the GOP with the facts on the deficit, ie, it was giant. "All this was before I walked in the door. Just stating facts." Again, thank you for pointing out that all these shmos now SOOO VERY concerned with the national debt and the deficit didn't seem so on fire about it under Bush while he was busy not paying for two wars.

Now he's calling out the SCOTUS decision on corporate funding of campaigns. AS the BBDD says, "Man, that's bold! Calling them out while they're sitting right in front of you." Now he's calling for an earmark website to allow everyone to look and see what little treats are being stuck into bills before they're passed.

Oh, now it's ON! He's discussing partisan rancor, calling for an end to the constant daily campaign where the only goal is to get the most embarrassing headline for the other party, where if you lose, I win. Campaigns happen, "but we still need to govern." To the Democrats: "The people expect us to govern, not run for the hills." To the GOP: "Just saying no to everything may be good short-term politics, but it's not leadership."

And we just crossed the 60 minute mark! Dude is punishing them. I'm having a concurrent live status exchange on Facebook. It's so funny. All the Dems are loving it, the 'Pubs are scandalized, calling it 'partisan and hostile." Friends, your party has been nothing but partisan and hostile to this president since he took office. You wield the filibuster like a big stick, stopping the work of the American people in the Senate just because you can. You have obstructed every proposal put forth for no other reason that naked politics. So guess what? He now owes you nothing. Respect is earned and respect is mutual. Put on your big boy underpants and take it like the men (and women) you say you are. And hey--if Obama is full of crap, then no one in America will buy it and you'll be home free regardless.

Dirty Bits, Frogicide and--as always--Healthcare

2010-01-26T21:44:00.005-05:00

First, an article on the rather disgusting and environmentally-unsafe way in which the majority of the world's shrimp are farmed or harvested. The headline? Make sure you're eating only US-farmed shrimp. You don't want to know why. But if you do, here's the link: http://www.alternet.org/story/145369/shrimp's_dirty_secrets:_why_america's_favorite_seafood_is_a_health_and_environmental_nightmare

Speaking of "disgusting," word on the street is that John Edwards has a sex tape. DO NOT WANT. Oh my god. That would just be the icing on the egotistical, megalomaniacal, amoral a**wipe of the cake that is John Edwards. As my old friend Kim from college would say, "He's got no kind of class." *Shudder* http://gawker.com/5456215/

Then, speaking of wanting to club someone, an article from Australia that nicely illustrates two things: 1. It's important not to import non-native species to your country, and 2. Should you need to annihilate an overgrown population of said non-native species, the government would prefer that you club them to death since that seems more humane than asphyxiation, thank you. http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=9651576

And, finally, speaking of getting clubbed, here is evidence of the absolutely shite job the Dems did of selling the healthcare plan to America: Individual components of the plan are actually very popular. http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2010/01/is-health-care-reform-popular.html

Facebook Needs Some Deuteronomy

2010-01-25T22:05:00.007-05:00

"If there will be a poor man among you... you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand toward your poor brother; you shall open your hand to him and shall give him enough for his needs."

I think I'm going to make that my status update on Facebook in light of the disturbingly frequent status updates recently that go something like this: "America: the only country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed without eating, elderly going without needed meds, and mentally ill without treatment - yet we have a benefit for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations. 99% of people won't have the guts to copy and repost this!!" OR "Where were all the telethons during Katrina?!" Then some shmo will leave a comment to the effect of, "I feel bad for Haiti, but we need to take care of our own first."

Hello? Really? First of all, see "September 2005" for the answer to "where were all the telethons for Katrina," asswipe. They happened; you probably forgot because you didn't give to that effort either. But on a more important point, almost 200,000 humans dead, with scores injured, maimed, homeless and destitute in a truly shocking and devastating disaster--you're tallying whether they're worth help because they're not American? Those are the kind of balls one can only hope God finds a way to cut out from under you.

Furthermore, the people who post these statements also tend to be the very same people who post anti-health care bill updates, or anti-public assistance updates or all manner of "let them eat cake" pontifications. But now that people are sending money to Haiti, all of a sudden they're concerned about America's poor and hungry children being ignored or America's veterans being homeless? You'll pardon me as I stifle my laughter, because that concern is simply not credible.

Here's my take: you help people where they're hurting. Right now Haiti is where they need the most help. Doesn't mean Americans aren't important (good god, no! Americans not important?!), doesn't mean that all the daily challenges facing our nation's citizenry no longer exist. It just means that right now our neighbor's house is on fire and, even though we may not have enough to make the rent on our own house at the moment, we still need to call 911 and go help. Even if we've never met them. Even if they are different from us. Even if we kind of don't feel like it's that big a deal since, after all, our house is still intact. But who sees a woman come out after being buried in a building for 5 days--a woman whose daughter died next to her in that rubble just before rescue--and sees not one iota of herself in that fellow human's suffering? Who doesn't think that were the situations reversed, she'd be begging the world for help?

Easing suffering is not a zero sum game.

Brown Was For It Before He Was Against It

2010-01-21T23:13:00.002-05:00

Interesting to note that Scott Brown pledged to be the 41st vote against the health care bill, when he voted for an almost identical bill right here in Massachusetts in 2006:

"Public hostility towards health reform certainly helped propel Brown to victory, but as economist Austin Frakt explains, “[t]he real lesson seems to be less about policy and far more about politics.” After all, Brown doesn’t make a very convincing messenger for opposing the policy behind health reform. As a state senator, Brown voted for Massachusetts 2006’s reform law which, like the Senate and House bills, includes an individual health insurance mandate, insurance exchanges, government affordability credits and insurance regulations. As a result of the law, 98% of Massachusetts residents have health insurance and 79% want the law to continue."

Brown's opposition to the bill was based on voter anger at increasing premiums (the national bill, unlike the MA reform, included cost containments) and that MA would have to subsidize other states' reforms: "The Federal plan, taking a half trillion from Medicare, why would we go and subsidize the failure of other states – not only would we be paying for our plan, we’d be paying for everyone else." But here's the deal: MA received federal money to institute our health care reform; we couldn't have done it without that federal assistance. Which raises the question in some quarters of whether he plans to return the federal money that he seems to so deplore.

Free Speech Means I Get To Say That...

2010-01-21T22:51:00.003-05:00

...the majority opinion holders on the Supreme Court have made an un-American and deeply stupid decision today.

http://slate.com/id/2242208 Dahlia Lithwick nails it. I speak of her disbelief that the Supreme Court of the United States today decided that a corporation or a union is just like a person, entitled to "freedom of speech."

Friends, this decision ought to give you nothing but bowel-lurchingly frightening visions. This is not a victory for free speech, assuming you even believe that money = speech or that Coca Cola = We The PEOPLE. This is an outright threat to our democracy, and let me tell you why: Multinational corporations are now free to influence United States elections. Did you hear that? Multinational corporations--some of which are owned by people living in and citizens of OTHER COUNTRIES--are now free to influence our elections.

I'll have more to say later, but right now I'm just trying to digest that one effing scary result of this disastrous decision.

Brown Defeats Choakley

2010-01-20T12:10:00.005-05:00

My New Senator, God help us

Nate Silver over at 538 has a decent piece of blame assignation for Coakley's loss: fivethirtyeight.com

I think he's pretty much right on. So what does all this mean? It means, not as our "friends" at the WSJ and Fox tell us, that Obama should do less. This is when Obama needs to grow a pair. Mitch McConnell says the election shows we're "tired" of Obama's agenda. Really? Eff You, Mitch. A member of a party that did ZERO for nine years to help the economy (and in fact, drove it into the ground) and to help ordinary Americans get health care? I don't think the President ought to be taking advice from you. President Obama's problem is that he has been too much of a consensus-builder. I mean, hello! Scott Brown's entire platform was that he was going to throw sand in the gears of "the Obama agenda." These people are not interested in finding a middle ground or a way forward. They are interested in Obama's failure. Why are we trying to work with them? Health care reform should have been passed by now, with or without the Republicans.

President Obama, you need to do what you said you were going to do during your campaign. That's why we voted for you. Refocus on the economy and jobs. Do it, and then let the chips fall where they may.

UPDATE: EJ Dionne says it better than I can: WaPo

Say What You Want About the President...

2010-01-15T14:11:00.003-05:00

...but don't dis the dog.

An interesting piece on Harry Reid, who apparently called GWB's dog Barney "fat" to the President's face. Them's fightin' words!

www.nytimes.com

It's a Toss Up

2010-01-15T13:49:00.005-05:00

Wow. Who'd a thunkit? Martha Coakley in a tight, tight race against GOP candidate Scott Brown for the open MA Senate seat previously held by Ted Kennedy. Well, now that I think about it, anyone couldathunkit. Why? Because Martha Coakley has run the sh&ttiest campaign I've seen in a long time. It seems that they just transferred her low-key, let-the-voters-come-to-me primary strategy (which was a good one) to the general election, which was a giant error. You can't coast through a general election, even a special one such as this. Recall that not many years ago TK himself was in a fight for his political life against a GOP challenger. So to say that all Massachusetts seats are safe Dem seats is lazy thinking at best and election-losing at worst.

Where has Coakley been? She's made snarky comments about "shaking hands outside Fenway Park" as if that's a waste of her time. Guess what? It IS a waste of her time in terms of trying to reach the maximum number of voters possible. But in terms of winning the "free media" race? The one where the news covers you shaking hands for 10 seconds and it gets played on a loop on all the newscasts? Time well-spent. And in our electoral system where the party in power routinely gets spanked in mid-term elections? Why this lady was not knocking on every damn door to get every damn vote is beyond me.

Further, all her positive ads seem to have gone AWOL. Now the ads are all about Scott Brown, either for or against. Ads for Martha Coakley, featuring Martha Coakley? I haven't seen 'em. Where has Coakley been? The current Coakley ad is such sh*t I laugh every time I see it. It features her pleasant-but-all-business voice saying, "I'm Martha Coakley and I approved this message." Then it cuts randomly to that Deep Man Voice used in promos for films by Michael Bay saying essentially, "Scott Brown is a dangerous f*cking a*&hole." The quick shift in tone and voice is hilarious! Which is great if you're in comedy, bad if you're in politics.

Obviously I'll be voting for Coakley, shite campaigner though she has been, simply because I cannot bear the thought of a major right-winger like Brown (who has done a fabulous job of appearing moderate) representing me. But if I voted on campaign performance alone? Brown would have to win.

365 Photos--Part Trois?

2010-01-15T13:37:00.003-05:00

A construction worker at the Dana Farber Yawkey Center project. He's up pretty high and makin' it look easy.

The supersecretdoubledogmagicgermfreehyperiffic doors to the Transplant Unit at Dana Farber. This was my first time back in that hallway since my transplant, first time walking on my own two feet. I was wheeled in a wee bit sedated if I recall from getting my central line inserted, and on the way out I was in a wheelchair, excited to see Bambina after a month, and completely terror-stricken to be leaving the safety and germ-freeness of the pod, so I barely remember it at all.

Um, that's not the parking spot. In fact, that's precisely where cars are supposed to drive between parking spots.

Haiti

2010-01-14T13:20:00.005-05:00

What a terrible disaster in Haiti this week. Absolutely unimaginable devastation on a massive scale. Already the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, poor Haiti did not need an earthquake to add to its misery. Thank goodness God-fearing Christians like Pat Robertson are around to send aid with one hand while blaming the victims with the other:

And, you know, Kristi, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, "We will serve you if you will get us free from the French." True story. And so, the devil said, "OK, it's a deal." And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other.

How truly reprehensible and evil is this? First, the entire notion of pacts with the devil is pre-Enlightenment, Dark Ages, superstitious nonsense. The fact that a Christian preacher in 2010 America is discussing--seriously--a pact with Satan--underscores precisely how out of the mainstream Robertson's particular brand of Christianity really is. The fact that he is discussing it with the intent of demonstrating how Haitians have brought this destruction upon themselves ought to underscore precisely how Non-Christian Robertson really is. He is a disgrace to Christianity, to Christians and to the teachings of Jesus himself, who I'm certain would have wasted no time on the devil blame game and would have waded in to the mire to help people, allowing his actions to speak for him.

Robertson is a train wreck, and obviously good for a few derisive laughs, but what truly sets my teeth on edge about him and his ilk is the desperate need, the unholy desire, that every tragedy must have A Cause, and that Cause must be People With Whom He Disagrees. 9/11? "The pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians." (Jerry Falwell's words, with which Robertson "totally concur[red]." Hurricane Katrina? Abortion. Ariel Sharon's stroke? "Dividing God's land." His prediction for Florida after Disney held Gay Days? "It'll bring about terrorist bombs, it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor."

Please, folks, can't we finally and at long last see this man and his movement for what they are? Morally bankrupt, criminally insane, and unsuitable for association by any political candidate or party.

The Wayback Machine

2010-01-14T13:03:00.006-05:00

Did anyone else receive a fossil on their doorstep this week? I refer, of course, to the phone book. I must be special because I received not one, but three, copies of this testament to the 20th Century. I've ranted about the uselessness that is the phone book before, and I'm about to do it again. I recognize that I could be construed as (no! don't say it!) elitist because my dislike for the phone book conveniently forgets that not everyone has a computer or even access to one, nor do people always have the money to blithely dial 411 every time they need some brake fluid. I do get that and will therefore soften my 2009 demand for "Telephone Book Ban Now!" into "Please Leave Only One Copy of This Monstrosity K?Thanksbye!" I mean, it does have some use. Just this morning I opened that drawer I never open and pulled out last year's phone book for recycling, and popped this year's new one in. And there it will no doubt stay until you lovely readers get to hear my 2011 rant about phone books again. In the meantime, we can all rejoice at the impending death of all those "jokes" about phone books, like Yo Mama is like the phone book: available to the public, free of charge. Or the Jerry Lewis-style classic: "Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? Because they all have phones!" Yuk Yuk Yuk.

It's American Idol Time Again!

2010-01-12T20:11:00.004-05:00

Woo Hoo, darlings!! It's time once again for that Cavalcade of Mediocrity known as American Idol. You know I hate to love and love to hate this program. I'm especially excited for this evening's premiere because it features guest judging by the Patron Saint of All Mediocrity Victoria Beckham. I CANNOT WAIT. Full report after the show. Shwiiiiing!

(Here's VB at the auditions, flashing her gang colors on that do' rag)

HIPAA My Ass

2010-01-12T15:18:00.004-05:00

Can I ask you a question, customer at the Walgreens pharmacy? Why are you standing right next to me while I am doing my business with the pharmacist? Why are you standing so close to me that we seem like we're here together? Why are you waiting for your prescription standing all up in my personal space while I am conducting MY business with the pharmacist? On what planet is this appropriate behavior? You seemed stunned when I turned and said, "Excuse me, could I ask you to take a step back, please?" You seemed to not understand why I would not want you standing right where you were, waiting on YOUR turn on MY time and in MY space. I seemed not to understand why the pharmacy employee didn't do the asking for me. I seemed stunned that this was the third time this week that I'd been publicly spooned by a stranger at this pharmacy walkup. I was cranky as I walked out of the store until I remembered...oh yeah, this is why I switched all my other scrips to CVS.

Game Change

2010-01-10T08:01:00.003-05:00

http://nymag.com/news/politics/63045/

Such an unbelievable read. It's an excerpt from Game Change, a new book about the campaigns of 2008. This particular excerpt deals with John and Elizabeth Edwards--and of course Rielle Hunter. Wow. It's almost surreal to read, tracing the way John Edwards apparently morphed from a decent guy into an egotist, and the people he pulled down with him. From a political perspective, you can absolutely and authentically feel the desperation of his staff and inner circle trying to save him from himself--and trying to save the party and the election from his behavior. What a scene. And what a total prick.

Breaking News: A Comparison

2010-01-10T07:26:00.005-05:00

*Sigh* Anderson Cooper is bumming me out again, and not this time because he refuses to consider me as a viable candidate for long-term commitment. The other night I was flipping between CNN and BBC World News. On CNN, their Breaking News segment featured a report on suicidal animals. I can't even find the link now, which perhaps indicates how totally without merit the report was.

At the same time, the BBC was reporting that a bus full of soccer players from Togo were ambushed in Angola. This is news for several reasons, not the least of which is that it discusses terrorism and security of the players leading up to the World Cup in South Africa. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8449319.stm

I'm no giant fan of the BBC. But you know, if you think you're better served by reports on lemming-like behavior in the animal kingdom rather than on-the-ground acts of terrorism against humans, you go on with your CNN.

That said, Anderson, you can still call me.

Winter Wonderland

2010-01-09T08:01:00.003-05:00

Cool pics from the Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival in Harbin, China. Damn, it looks freezing! But so neat from my warm couch.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/01/harbin_ice_and_snow_sculpture.html

Flying the Terrifying Skies

2010-01-09T07:23:00.005-05:00

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/remarks-president-strengthening-intelligence-and-aviation-security

Those are the President's remarks on the failed Christmas Day attempted bombing of the jetliner. Here is what jumped out at me:

Now, at this stage in the review process it appears that this incident was not the fault of a single individual or organization, but rather a systemic failure across organizations and agencies. That's why, in addition to the corrective efforts that I've ordered, I've directed agency heads to establish internal accountability reviews, and directed my national security staff to monitor their efforts. We will measure progress. And John Brennan will report back to me within 30 days and on a regular basis after that. All of these agencies -- and their leaders -- are responsible for implementing these reforms. And all will be held accountable if they don't.

Moreover, I am less interested in passing out blame than I am in learning from and correcting these mistakes to make us safer. For ultimately, the buck stops with me. As President, I have a solemn responsibility to protect our nation and our people. And when the system fails, it is my responsibility.

Over the past two weeks, we've been reminded again of the challenge we face in protecting our country against a foe that is bent on our destruction. And while passions and politics can often obscure the hard work before us, let's be clear about what this moment demands. We are at war. We are at war against al Qaeda, a far-reaching network of violence and hatred that attacked us on 9/11, that killed nearly 3,000 innocent people, and that is plotting to strike us again. And we will do whatever it takes to defeat them.

Whatever you think of President Obama, did you read that second paragraph? As President, I have a solemn responsibility to protect our nation and our people. And when the system fails, it is my responsibility. Did you catch that? The part where he is putting himself in the line of blame? Taking responsibility? In all the internet and TV chatter I have heard precious little credit being given to him for that small, simple remark that speaks volumes. He could have said, "You know, this system was set up after 9/11 and so Bush had YEARS to get this shit working right, but he obviously didn't, and those CIA agents, well they fucked up, and forget it when it comes to the entire NCTC which is a joke at this point, etc etc." He could have done the Bush/Cheney/Giuliani thing and found a way to Blame Bill Clinton. Nope. He laid out the errors then said, "the responsibility is mine."

You'll pardon me while I sit quietly and enjoy this breath of fresh air for a moment.

Which moves us to the discussion of the body scanners at airports and the privacy concerns of people who, like James Carville, don't want the TSA guy to be able to "measure my penis." Well, first off James, the scanners aren't powerful enough to find your little Cajun weiner. Second, what's a little weiner between countrymen if it means your flight doesn't get blown out of the sky? I keeed! Why we are so wiggy about these scanners is beyond me. Here's what the scan looks like (of a Manchester, England airport security official):

You want to tell me that guy doesn't wear less on his yearly British person vacation to Corfu? The person viewing the scan is in another location from the security gate, so the entire passenger manifest is not seeing the dude's butt crack. Note that his face is not entirely visible, so he's not actually personally identifiable to the person viewing either. Quite frankly we need to get over this puritan "Oh they'll see my hoo-ha!" nonsense. We see hoo-has every damn day on the TV, on the interwebs, on bus station posters. Hoo-has sell beer.

Let's just be grown ups and recognize that this is what the world has come to: If you want to fly, some dude from the TSA is going to see a charcoal rendering of your ass crack.

More 365 Project Pics

2010-01-08T13:47:00.005-05:00

A photo a day for 365 Days. I'll try to post daily from now on.

Two rabbits diverged in our wood.

Sunny, cloudy and snowy all at the same time.

The view from my bed during the stomach virus from hell.

Fruit. Real or Fake?

Greenscreen Grandmas

2010-01-06T23:11:00.006-05:00

This clip is way old, but I just recently saw it again and god help me I laugh uncontrollably for the entire video. Nothing happens, nothing really goes on, but for some reason I involuntarily laugh whenever I watch it.

http://www.youtube.com

I Share My Beliefs...

2010-01-06T22:17:00.005-05:00

You Evangelize.
They Proselytize.
Right?

This is the perfect takedown of that a&*wipe Brit Hume's total disrespect for Buddhism--and for people of all faiths. By The Daily Show, of course.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

The Temple of Hume

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Wednesday Links

2010-01-06T08:58:00.007-05:00

As I eat my dry toast and pedialyte popsicle, I read this hilarious account of a defamation suit brought by a car dealership against a customer who tweeted repeatedly that they "suck." The lawyer's letter alone is worth the time. Via
Popehat.

Next, an article on making an All-Ikea Meal. Gotta love the meatballs! theatlantic.com/stories/an-all-ikea-meal.php

Then, a link to an interview with Mark Hamill, of Luke Skywalker fame. This link is mostly for the BBDD who likes to dis my childhood crush with "where is he now?" taunts. Well, dude, he's here and doing rather well: computerandvideogames.com

And, finally, this tirade from Joan Rivers, who was not allowed to board a flight in Costa Rica because of her suspicious passport. I'm bummed they didn't keep her. http://tv.gawker.com/joan-rivers-goes-ape-sht

Ad Nauseum

2010-01-05T20:18:00.010-05:00

This blogging every day of January idea is awesome! As an idea, that is. But in reality, it doesn't always happen. For instance, today was my big day to write and blog and line up some potential submissions for online and traditional publications. Yep. Today was the day. Gonna get my writing in gear, and really produce something. Then I opened my eyes, felt an unpleasant sour feeling in my stomach and throat, and suspected correctly that my best-laid plans were about to gang aft agley.

The next few hours were plague-like. Vomit. Sleep fitfully. Vomit again. Eat cracker. Vomit cracker. Have pedialyte popsicle.
Vomit pedialyte popsicle. Sleep fitfully. Vomit. Or more accurately, dry heave. Heave some more. As Bambina said this evening after (god bless them) the afternoon with Gram and Pop: "That sounds UGLY!" Ugly it was. Until I got resourceful. I mean, if you have to have a stem cell transplant with all the attendant medications, side effects and GVHD, you really ought to get some kind of payoff for your troubles, right? My payoff is a giant bag of pharmaceuticals left over from my random health issues. Among them a delightful drug called, generically, Ondansetron. You might know it as Zofran, the drug used to treat chemotherapy nausea. I know it as the drug that saved my bacon this morning. Because let's be real here, after the 6th barf in 3 hours, it's time to head to the pharmacy even if that pharmacy is in your closet.

Speaking of closets full of prescription meds, I'm sure you've heard that Rush Limbaugh has deemed the US health care system sound-as-a-pound based on his "cardiac event" experience last week. Of course. Because I'm sure that Mr. Limbaugh, a famous, insured, wealthy man was treated just the same as anyone else at that hospital. I'll bet he waited 3 hours in the ER waiting area, then probably needed some tests done but decided against them because he couldn't afford them, then capped it off with a stay in a semi-private room with a semi-private bath, with a nurse to patient ratio of 1-30. Yes, I'm so sure Mr. Limbaugh got the real and true US healthcare experience that so many of us have had to contend with. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am beyond fortunate. I am spoiled, even, by the treatment and care and level of service I've received at Dana Farber and NIH and Johns Hopkins. But I've also, as long-time readers will recall, suffered from shitty hospitals, giant medical bills while I was uninsured as an early twenty-something, an absence of medical follow-up, and the attendant pervasive fear (or rather, knowledge) that you are on your fucking own should some company decide that they won't cover that thing you need.

So, I'm off to hopefully not vomit and get some sleep. And if you're in the market for some levaquin or some clobetasol, you just let me know and I'll pull them out of my stash. :)

Best Practices

2010-01-03T15:58:00.006-05:00

I come from a long, proud line of fat people. The kind of family where being the right weight makes you suspect for disease, ie, "You're looking very thin. Are you feeling okay?" Believe me, I'd rather have that problem than the opposite, like some of my friends' families, where you are constantly checked for inch-pinching. But here's the challenge of coming from a foodophilic, chubba family: having a child who can take or leave food depending on whether she's hungry. A child who says, "No thanks" to going out for ice cream but who will eat two servings of mandarin oranges. I mean, can you imagine it?! Eating only when you're hungry!? Stopping when you're full?! Choosing fruit over ice cream? Who DOES this?!

This is the environment in which we operate. Trying to put calories into a 30 pound 5 year-old. A healthy, vigorous, muscular, active, completely normal 5 year-old...who happens to be a peanut, and who happens to be immune to any and all requests, pleadings or demands to Eat More Food. She simply will not eat when she perceives she is full, with the added difficulty level being, as our pediatrician says, "How much food can you put in a kid that size at one time anyway?" Precisely. And yet I am biologically and anthropologically, as a mother, programmed to Feed My Child. My sole concern on any given day is Feeding My Child. I feel like I have failed if I have failed to Feed My Child.

We have done all the recommended stuff: smaller portions, no dealmaking, letting her help cook, letting her choose options, removing eating from the list of control issues (to the point where it got ridiculous the other way, ie, a peanut butter cup was eaten before school one day....) to no avail. She eats, then she stops, then she's done. So two nights ago I rediscovered my old Dr. Spock book from when she was a baby, with a full chapter therein for "feeding issues." And god bless ol' Spock of pointy head rather than pointy ears, he has a whole section on skinny kids who won't eat high-calorie foods. Seeing it was instantly reassuring, because if he's written about it, that means someone else has a kid like mine, which means we're not alone.

So here's where we get to the "best" part of this post. His advice? Feed them ridiculously small amounts of food that they like and shut the fuck up about it already. Well, not in exactly those words, but you get the point: it's not a disease, it's not a behavioral problem. Some kids love to swim, love to play soccer, love to eat. Some kids don't. And thems that don't don't need you ruining what appetite they may have in the moment by constantly badgering them about it or being "on" them to police that they finish the entire slice of whatever. He even says that if you have to walk away and not watch, then by all means walk away. But do keep your mouth shut.

So we tried it yesterday for the first time. Friends, seriously. Two tablespoons of mac and cheese in a tiny bowl. Like, what I fed her at 2 years old. One drinkable yogurt. I was ready to cry, it was so little food. But I managed the gargantuan task of S'ing TFU--and guess what? She ate every last bite and asked for another serving. BBDD was all, "Yay!" in his head, but I was still, "Oh so that's THREE tablespoons of food in my 5 year old. Why don't I just call the cops myself for malnourishing her?" But I managed to quell the almighty urge to hold forth on nutrition with her, and it worked. She felt like dinner was on her terms--and most importantly--enjoyable.

Fast forward to this morning: the BBDD gave her what looked like a quarter of an egg scrambled, half a sausage and half a slice of turkey bacon, to which I added one yogurt because I struggle to follow directions; oh yes I struggle. One enjoyable breakfast time later and it was GONE. Oh--with another yogurt and a bowl of cereal (no milk of course) as well...both at her request.

So--on this, the third post of my Best Series, I want to give it up for Dr. Spock. He's retro, he's no Deepak, and he doesn't think much of your LeapPad, but you know what? He knows from kids and he works, even from beyond the grave. HOLLA!!

365 Photography Project

2010-01-01T08:15:00.003-05:00

I've decided to do this: photojojo.com If anyone wants to join me, that would be fun. Here is the photo for January 1, 2010.
Happy New Year!

Dumbest Quotes of the Decade

2010-01-01T08:01:00.003-05:00

huffingtonpost
Please enjoy. My personal favorite is the first:

"We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term." --Dana Perino.

ABBA Rules

2009-12-31T08:08:00.002-05:00

Y'all can hate if you want, but this song reminds me of New Year's Eves in Scotland, and consequently all my New Year's Eves with my Dad, and it makes me happy. Besides, who can resist a reminder of ill-fitting suits from the '70s? You know you love it.

Picturing the Decade

2009-12-31T08:04:00.002-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/12/27/opinion/28opchart.html

Xinnian Kuaile!*

2009-12-31T06:43:00.017-05:00

Tonight's the night. Another New Year's Eve. Another year on it's way out. Another opportunity to envision the day my grandkids will perhaps be wondering why they keep trotting out the very advanced-in-age Ryan Seacrest on New Year's Eve. But I say God Bless to Ryan, because as I've said before, hosting looks like the easiest job in the world but it ain't. He and Dick Clark have the skills to jump from Taylor Swift to the Foo Fighters to the cast of Two and a Half Men, and make it all seem cohesive. So no dissing the Seacrest for me.

Unlike other years I am not necessarily leaping for joy that the current year is over. 2006? Good riddance. 2007? A good ending from a bad beginning. 2009? A mixed bag.

Yesterday as we drove to Target so Bambina could spend her gift card money, she was saying how if felt good but bad to not be at the store yet, that she just couldn't wait and the waiting was making her body feel funny. I said, "That is called 'anticipation.' It's the excited, restless feeling you get when you really, really want something and are super close to getting it, but you're not yet close enough." This, I think, sums up what we are all feeling individually and as a family about 2009. So much anticipation, not enough fruition.

Baby Sister. She's ours but she's not with us. Every day I wake up and think, "My child is in an orphanage for another day without me." Then I make myself feel better by saying that I have the rest of her life with her, so not to get too wiggy about a few months apart when she's a baby. And then I think, "That's bullshit and you know it, but there's nothing you can do about it, so move on."
Hope for 2010: My baby girl. Home with me. ASAP.

My health. It's fabulous except when it's not. Chronic GVH effing sucks. I hope that I'll one day be off prednisone and my immunosuppressive cocktail, and I won't be 20 pounds heavier than usual, but who knows? Maybe I won't. I hope that the drugs will do what they did for my acute GVH, which is eradicate it. The challenge is that Chronic is a different animal than Acute. Chronic wants to hang around, and it wants to attack weird things like connective tissue rather than, say, your average colon. My skin looks weird now on my back; if I move it looks like cellulite all over because the fibrous tissue under my skin is being shortened by the GVH. So there goes my 2010 bikini modeling contract, folks.
Hope for 2010: A respite from the GVH and from the drugs. Even a little one. Even enough that I get to look in the mirror and semi-recognize my own face.

Our house. 2009 was going to be the year we fixed our deck and our chimney, so we'd be able to have friends over and enjoy our home in summer. It would be cucumber sandwiches and mint juleps and children at play! Only, the first contractor who did the job did it wrong, took our money, has an expired license, and worked without a permit, unbeknownst to us. So we fired him and had to hire a new guy to come and take down everything he did and essentially start over. As we figure out how to hopefully get some restitution, we are now digging ourselves out of the financial hole of having had to pay for two major jobs twice. So, we're psyched we have the deck--just in time for winter!?--but let's just say we're happy Bambina hasn't been accepted to college this year, or sweet thang would be out of luck.
Hope for 2010: No more house projects that hemorrhage money. Being content with our little loveshack just the way it is.

Writing. You'll recall I took the writing class in 2009 that inspired me to write more. Then life got in the way and all my big plans got shelved. This is as it should be, on the one hand, because when your kid needs you you drop everything. On the other hand, if I'm honest, I spent a good deal of 2009 making sure everyone else was good to the detriment of my own goals. This is, of course, nobody's fault but my own, especially since I'm married to perhaps the coolest and most solicitous guy on the planet who routinely tells me to get out of the house, ignore the messy kitchen and go write something. But then my Unemployed White Female alterego kicks in and I feel like if I am not working and contributing financially to the house, I have no business sitting in a coffee shop writing. Like, how is that okay? How is that a good use of time when other people are WORKING at REAL jobs?? And so I go paint a room or mop the floors instead.
Hope for 2010: That I finally get in agreement with myself that stuff I do matters even if it doesn't earn me any money. That perhaps writing is a valid use of my time, as valid as someone else's workout or coffee break or job, even. That I'm entitled to a couple of hours a day not spent in service to another human. We'll see how that goes: “For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.”

You. This one's unqualified: Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for keeping this fun. As the Scottish new year song "A Guid New Year to Ane an' A" says:

A guid new year to ane an' a'
An' mony may ye see,
An' during a' the years to come,
O happy may ye be.
An' may ye ne'er hae cause to mourn,
To sigh or shed a tear;
To ane an'a baith great an' sma'
A hearty guid New year.

*Happy New Year in Mandarin

NaBloPoMo

2009-12-30T09:41:00.003-05:00

It sounds like a porno, but sadly it ain't.

It's National Blog Posting Month. Which, actually, was November. But it was such a success they've decided to roll it out all year round. January's theme is BEST. A whole month of posts--at least one a day--on "BEST." Which might also include "worst" and "fair to middlin'" and other variants on the theme.

I'm going to do my best (har!) to post every single day. After all, who wants to be the only blogger NaBloPo'ing Less?

A Whole Lotta FAIL

2009-12-29T21:58:00.014-05:00

Oh where to start?!

The Christmas Day airline almost-bombing. TSA: FAIL. And now, it turns out: CIA: FAIL. Why don't we just skip the intellectual fiction that any of the TSA's nonsense "screening" keeps even one malefactor off an airplane and just accept that if we don't kill them where they live they will fly on our planes and kill us. Or, to be less Republican about it, let us accept that if we don't keep them off our airplanes they will fly on our planes and kill us. Let us all also accept that daily, run-of-the-mill dick-swinging between and amongst agencies over turf and credit and information possession bear no small amount of the blame for this latest FUBAR event. It is a disgrace. And Obama needs to be on notice: Dude, you CANNOT have a terrorist attack during your first term. Yeah, George Bush had one--a rather large one as I recall--but unlike GWB, you won't survive the fallout. If you have to get all Keifer Sutherland on some asses to make it happen, you must avoid a terrorist attack at all costs. I mean, not that you wouldn't anyway of course. But you get my point: attack = GOP in 2012 = disaster. Bust heads accordingly.

Health Care Reform. The Left: FAIL. Lobbying with right wing nutjobs to defeat the health care bill? Are you effing kidding me? Listen, folks. It may be a pile of shit, but it's a better pile of shit than the one we have now. Think about it. I could charitably call this response letting the perfect get in the way of the good, but it's worse than that. It's stupidity, plain and simple. Working to hand our Democratic president a DEFEAT on one of the key, signature issues from the campaign--because it doesn't comport precisely with all we wanted? That's called politics, kids. It's how, unfortunately--and fortunately--things get done in our democracy. Yes, Joe Lieberman should suck it. But to help kill the bill in response to his crap? Hells, naw.

The Vatican. Papal Security: FAIL. The poor 82 year-old Pope gets knocked down by a deranged woman. The same woman who attempted to do the same thing to him in 2008 before being tackled. Any advance work being done over there--or do known freaks just get to approach the Pope regardless? gatewaypundit.firstthings.com

Prednisone. My Ass' Suitability for Viewing: FAIL. Friends, prednisone is the work of the devil. Except for that part where it actually helps me live a normal life. That's the work of the seraphim and cherubim of course. But the part that helps me live a normal life--AS A FAT PERSON? Evil through and through. I am now referring to my weight gain as My Prednisone Baby, because it has taken the form of one giant spare tire around my stomach--precisely where I need to button my pants. It is of a different texture than the rest of my well-earned fat. It's harder and less malleable. And it often results in a great deal of tears and tantrums. I keeed! A little.

And finally: My stamina. Ability to stay awake at the moment: FAIL. Hasta manana!

Joyeux Noel

2009-12-24T23:21:00.005-05:00

For all my Christian friends and family, a blessed, healthy and happy Christmas. For the less religious and/or equally festive, here comes Santa!
http://www.noradsanta.org/

And for my tribe, on this the quietest night of the year:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1373/saturday-night-live-christmas-for-the-jews-song

On Today's Episode

2009-12-23T05:48:00.009-05:00

On today's episode of Selective Socialism, our guest is GOP Rep. Michelle Bachmann. Rep. Bachmann hates socialism and all its proponents in any form. Except when it comes in the form of government subsidies to her father-in-law's farm, in which she has a financial stake: www.politico.com
I love this! I mean, this is straight-up rank hypocrisy. It's socialism if you get government money for health care. It's just good business if I get it for a farm. As Chris Rock said so famously: "I told you that bitch is crazy!"

Next up, on today's episode of Selective Christianity, GOP Senator Coburn prays that someone "in the majority" will be unable to attend the votes on health care. Nice. http://thinkprogress.org/ So groups of teabaggers and various "Christians" got together to pray that Senator Byrd would die before the vote. Joke's on them since Senator Inhofe (R) was the only one who didn't make it. But really, folks. Christians getting together to pray that someone dies so that a government program might not be passed? Really? Praying for the death of political opponents? How the GOP has ANY credibility left is beyond me.

Now, on this week's episode of "Now That's Messing With My Brain, Yo!" comes an article on how smart plants are, how "alive" plants are, and how totally badass plants are. So, vegans: Why are you eating them? www.nytimes.com This takes me back to my childhood, when my Dad saw a bumpersticker on a passing car that said, "Meat is Murder" and he yelled out the window, "Hey! What about cruelty to turnips?!" It would appear that JP was once again in the vanguard of ethical thought. :)

In part two of the show, we'll discuss how owning a dog is, environmentally speaking, akin to owning an SUV. With toxic feces and stuff thrown in for fun. www.vancouversun.com/technology I don't really want to incur the ire of doglovers everywhere, so I'll diplomatically say that I've never seen an SUV get excited to see its owner after a long day at work...

Sunday Snippets

2009-12-20T06:18:00.005-05:00

Holy crap. Did you see this prayercast against the healthcare bill? Rachel Maddow breaks it down, via Washington Monthly. Honestly, folks. This kind of stuff scares the bejesus (pun intended) out of me. Separation of church and state, anyone?
washingtonmonthly.com

Next, as we go from the gifty excess of Chanukah to the gifty excess of Christmas, here's an article on the growing role of food stamps in the economy, now that so many middle-income Americans have had to turn to them. Particularly poignant is this anecdote, which gave me a lump in my throat: "Unemployed and on disability benefits, Contraeras, 45, has custody of her grandchildren, ages 2 and 3. She has resorted to circling the first of the month on her calendar so that when her grandchildren are hungry, she can count down the days until they can return to the grocery store. 'I have to make a game out of it for the kids,' she said." www.reuters.com

In lighter fare, the top ten movies of the decade, according to metacritic: features.metacritic.com/

And with that, you all enjoy your Sunday. I'm off to survey the "snowpocalypse" (as Oliver Willis calls it). Pics to follow!

Season's Beatings

2009-12-19T10:26:00.015-05:00

Good day, darlings. If you're even semi-conscious you are aware that yet another Storm of the Century is pounding the East Coast. DC is of course shut down, although to be fair, 20 inches does get in the way of business. Here in Boston we are awaiting about 12 inches, which is a lot but not truly newsworthy. As Jack Palance once said so beautifully, "I sh*t bigger than that."

On the plus side, Grandma Haggis did manage to get out of DC ahead of the storm and arrive this morning, so Bambina is very happy. On the Scottish side, in my mother's true style, she sat down at my breakfast table and said just sweet as pie, "What possessed you to get such a short haircut?" So delicately put, as always.

Allow me to fill you in on my most recent haircut. The one that prompted my child to say "Mama now has Dada hair!" The one that could not have come at a worse time for me, being that my face alone weighs 14 pounds from prednisone. The one that coincided with me feeling the most acute depression about perhaps never getting off prednisone and being giantly fat and disfigured, not to mention immune-suppressed--for the rest of my natural life. I mean, it was a seriously bad time for me to walk into my usual salon, to my usual person, and say, "give me the usual!" without then actually describing what that meant. 45 minutes later and I'm looking at a buzz cut. At first I thought it had just been styled differently, but when I got home I could no longer avoid the truth: bitch had shaved my head.

So: couldn't have happened at a worse time emotionally and psychologically. But then again, as I selected which hats I would be wearing when in the presence of other humans for the next two months, I wondered if perhaps it hadn't happened at the perfect time after all. Because in all honesty, sometimes we need a little reminder that all the stuff we think is important: our appearance, our hair, our ass size, our face size--really actually truly isn't. I can sit around and cry about my mortifying haircut, or I can say, "Fuck it! It's just hair--and hair grows." I can bemoan my huge ass, or I can--as the beautiful and sweet and darling BBDD advised and insisted--just go buy bigger pants. I can get all worked up about all the stuff that sometimes feels like it matters so much, or I can realize that doing so will only take me away from all the stuff that actually does matter: helping out at my kid's school, seeing my friends, hanging out with family, getting our home ready for Baby Sister. That's the stuff that matters, that's the place my head should be, and it wasn't. So--if it took a bad haircut to strip me of my pretensions and get me back on track--then maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all.

That said, bitch still shaved my head, and if I ever figure out which car is hers, it's gettin' a keying.

Link a Dink a Doo

2009-12-17T13:07:00.005-05:00

This first one is amazing. It's a Family Portrait of all 56 ethnic groups in China. When people think "Chinese" they often have a very specific image in mind of what that looks like. It has bugged me in the past, especially when people have asked about Bambina, "Are you sure she's Chinese?" Um, hello. She was born in China. She's Chinese. Just like you were born in the USA; you're American, right? This album beautifully demonstrates the wonderful diversity of the Chinese people...beyond the stereotypes.
http://www.chinahush.com/2009/12/06/family-portraits-of-all-56-ethnic-groups-in-china/

Next, please enjoy Glenn Beck as he defends the Three-Fifths Compromise. You recall the 3/5 Compromise: the one that said Black people were not full humans? Why is this man on TV?
http://rawstory.com/2009/12/beck-slaveowners-wanted-equality-africanamericans/

The ten most irritating people of 2009 (Canadian Version).
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/the-10-most-irritating-people-of-2009/article1403090/

More to come!

Wackupuncture

2009-12-17T00:45:00.011-05:00

Today began like any other, with Bambina dropping some knowledge on us at the breakfast table. She informed us that her foot (just yesterday released from its cast after a month after an unfortunate fall on the school playground) would be "somewhat weak for 11 or 9 or at the very least 3 days." Cool. Then she proceeded with her "Raise Your Hand If..." game. You're not familiar with the game? Allow me to explain just in case you happen to drop by some day. Bambina yells, "Raise your hand if... [insert situation here, like "your birthday is in May!"]." Those at the table who qualify then raise their hands. It sounds simple, but it's not; because, really, who's to say that I am or am not "a slice of bacon" or "a bagel," born in the month of May, right? It just gets sillier and sillier by the minute, but she loves it and so we comply. Until today, when she said, "Raise your hand if you like to shake your booty!" Our hands went up. Followed immediately by, "Raise your hand if you like to shake your vagina!" BBDD's hand goes down waaaay fast. My hand goes to my face to hide my laughter. After which I wonder aloud whether perhaps we could just include the vagina shaking in with the booty shaking, since it's all kind of nether-regiony after all, isn't it? After a period of review and consideration, Bambina mercifully assented to combining the shakes so that "booty" shaking would now refer to anything in that whole "bummy area" that shakes while you are dancing. Smart girl. Relieved father. Another regular morning in our house.

So then off to acupuncture I went. I have no real knowledge of acupuncture, no real sense of what it is, but my sister does it and has found it to be helpful, and quite frankly y'all, I am as fat and insomniac and ridiculous as I can get with all this prednisone so I'm pretty much ready to try anything. I did it through Dana Farber's Zakim Center just to be safe, in terms of my doctor knowing what I'm up to and seeing practitioners who understand the unique needs of immune-concerned patients. I wish I could say that I experienced profound relaxation and tranquility as a result, but mostly what I experienced was the realization that I am almost genetically unable to sit for 5 minutes and do nothing. I got the needles in various places (none of which hurt at all, I might add), then the doctor left the room for 30 minutes during which I was to relax on the bed while the pan flute music played or whatnot. Can I tell you how hard it was for me to just lie there? The only reason I didn't get up and get my cell phone or laptop was because I would dislodge some of the needles if I moved and then how would I explain that to the doc, right? "Oh, thanks for my wellness acupuncture here to promote healing and relaxation and rest--I just thought I'd pay some bills and download some online grocery coupons while I waited..." That would be embarrassing even for me. So I didn't. I just...laid there. For 30 loooong minutes. Looking at the ceiling. Counting the needles (14). Checking my watch. Checking my watch again. Noting that 3 minutes feels longer than one might think. Wondering if the doctor might come early. Reflecting on how ludicrous and borderline unacceptable it was that I was lying on a bed doing NOTHING at 10 o'clock on a weekday morning when real people were at their jobs doing productive things. People like the doctor. Who might come back early, right? I mean, it's been 18 minutes. I bet he'll come soon. Yeah, he'll be back any minute. Just a few more minutes till I'm done...

All in all, I liked the practitioner, I liked the thought that this might be of some help, and I liked learning more about it; so I made some more appointments. My plan for next time, however? A 30 minute solo game of "Raise Your Hand If...!"

The Sing-Off

2009-12-17T00:20:00.005-05:00

Friends, please allow me to introduce you to the Total Effing Scene that is TV's new show: The Sing-Off. If ever there were an indication that there is something on the telly for everyone, this show is it. If you are unaware, the show--hosted by the lamentable former boy-bander Nick Lachey--features---wait for it!--a cappella groups vying to be America's Top A Cappella Group. Because, you know, what this country needs right now is the joy of crowning our Top A Cappella Group to make it morning in America again. Nothing like a cappella music to bring us together as a nation.

Whaaa?

What can I say? I missed the boat on a cappella groups. Never got the attraction, never understood the appeal. My college had several a cappella groups and each was more ridiculous than the last. The all- (white) boy one did a version of Seal's "Crazy" that truly truly would have made Mr. Heidi Klum weep with grief at what had been done to his music. But it seemed like I was living in a parallel universe where mediocre soulless music was considered "awesome!" and its purveyors rock stars, perhaps because my college was 98% upper-middle class white kids who wouldn't have recognized soul if it came up to them sporting a soul patch, eating soul food, and looking soulfully like Isaac Hayes impersonating Al Green on a soul high.

And now comes a TV show dedicated to disseminating and, dare I say, legitimizing this god-awful performance "art." To be fair, some of the singers are very good. Technically, they are fine singers. But together, in these groups, I find them to be just this side of unbearable to watch. So much finger snapping and pageanty smiling and cruise-ship emoting that you simply cannot find it in your heart or mind to believe their song. One group had to sing Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson. Say what you will about Michael Jackson, but that song was a goosebump song. MJ nailed that song--and the goosebumps. This group? Good singing, no goosebumps. Why? I argue because--by definition--an a cappella group cannot give you goosebumps. There is something about the group arrangement, the need to finger-snap, the urge to be as earnest as possible in every performance, that completely sucks the meaning and intent out of any song sung.

I know I'll get hate mail. I anticipate and kind of secretly enjoy it, because I know that in besmirching the good name of a cappella groups I have hit on the third rail of a certain strata of white upper middle classdom: "but my son was in the Whiffenpuffers from Colby College! But my daughter was the lead singer in the Hootnannies from Skidmore! How dare you insult performers like my son who sang admirably for the Prick-i-Tones of The Claremont Colleges!" I hear you. I'm sure your kid was awesome. I'm talking about those other kids; I swear. So do watch the show on NBC and let me know who wins, because I can't do one more night, not even for this blog.

Happy Hanukkah!

2009-12-13T07:28:00.006-05:00

It's the most wonderful time of the year! For a Jewish kid, that is. Bambina is INSANE about Hanukkah, which is right on time seeing as she's five. It's wonderful to see her so excited to light the menorahs (we have 6 because I'm a light-up-the-darkness kind of girl) and to open her presents. The primary issue, as I suspect is the same for Christmas-celebrators, is allowing that joy about presents to be expressed without having it become the sole reason for the holiday. We had a few moments of joy-reducing drama the first night of Chanukah because she had no sooner opened her gifts, got giddy about them and played with them for 10 minutes, when she said, "I can't wait to see what I get tomorrow night!" Well, that didn't sit well with me one bit. Which I of course expressed to her in rather stern terms involving (perhaps unnecessary and as I reflect, overwhelming) sentiments like, "Ingratitude" and "Selfishness." Calm down, Mama. Settle down! So what I ended up saying after being ridiculously mad was, "When someone gives you a gift, you are to be thankful for it, and I know you are. But when you immediately start to talk about the next gift, it makes it seem like you don't really care about the gift you just got, and it can make you seem like someone who just cares about presents."

Well, duh. She's five. She just cares about presents. But you know what I'm saying. I'm trying to raise a human here, and that means she needs to learn things that can only be taught when she's still too young to understand them. So now we're practicing our "gift-receiving actions." Look at the gift, be excited (no acting necessary here), look at the person who gave it to you, tell them you love it, say thank you, hugs and kisses if appropriate, no discussion of tomorrow's gifts until tomorrow. In doing this exercise, I realized that kids really don't have this stuff innately, no matter how sweet they are; it simply has to be taught. A kid is all about the Id, right? Which is why grown-ups have to channel those impulses into socially-acceptable behavior.

So as mad as I was at Bambina, I realize now that she was just being five rather than demonstrating some profound failure in my parenting to date. I mean, now that I think about it, I turned out fine and I was as ungrateful as they came: my Mom had to rip up a thank-you letter I once wrote (at 5 or 6) because I ended the beautifully-written paean to the gift-giver with "Please give me more presents!"

Nice kid you have there, Mrs. Haggis.

Like You're Working Anyway...

2009-12-11T04:23:00.004-05:00

Some links!

First, a WaPo article on how Jesse Jackson is pissed that he wasn't invited to the White House jobs summit and that Obama isn't doing more to address the recession's impact on African-American communities. Oh yes, that is political success in the making there; having our first black president focus his attention solely on black neighborhoods. THIS is why Jesse Jackson never got elected to anything: old school thinking. Your run for President of the United States, not of your ethnic group. This guy just keeps bringing The Stupid. That's all I can say. washingtonpost.coms

Next, seven foods experts will not eat. The major gross-out for me is what they feed farmed salmon. "hydrolized chicken feathers," anyone?
the-7-foods-experts-wont-eat

Next, I'm saying that if this is your friends' idea of a "drunken prank" then you need some new friends: www.mirror.co.uk

Next, a funny article proposing that we consign the word "douchebag" to history. Those of you over the age of say, 60, who cannot envision a scenario in which you'd utter that word can skip this one if you'd like. jezebel.com

And finally, speaking of douchebags, I mean, "assclowns," here's a list of GOP members who currently receive Medicare but who oppose the public option for the rest of us. I loves me some hypocrisy on a Friday morning! weiner.house.gov

Premature Award, Right On Time Speech

2009-12-11T03:58:00.010-05:00

President Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize yesterday. The Haggis was on hiatus when the award announcement--and resulting controversy--erupted. So let's discuss that first. Did Obama deserve the award? I'm going to say no. But, as the President of the United States, was he at all at liberty to turn it down? Also no. To a certain extent the controversy was nonsense. People were acting like Barry had submitted his own name and lobbied for the prize. They were acting like he'd been named to some international list of evil miscreants, the way the tsk-tsking was going on, instead of saying, "Well how about that," and "Good for the USA to have our president win this award; not that we'd have awarded it ourselves." All from the America-haters on the Right. It reminded me of their glee when Chicago lost its bid for the Olympics. Rather than be bummed for America, for the lost revenue and honor of hosting the Olympics, they were almost delighted that Obama "failed" in his attempt. Like, screw America as long as we can score some cheap points against Obama. All very petty and unbecoming. As was the Nobel reaction. That said, I remember thinking at the time that the Norwegians did Obama no favors with this "honor."

So, to his speech yesterday. First he deftly and humorously addressed the issue of his meriting the award: "I receive this honor with deep gratitude and great humility. It is an award that speaks to our highest aspirations -- that for all the cruelty and hardship of our world, we are not mere prisoners of fate. Our actions matter, and can bend history in the direction of justice. And yet I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable controversy that your generous decision has generated. (Laughter.) In part, this is because I am at the beginning, and not the end, of my labors on the world stage. Compared to some of the giants of history who've received this prize -- Schweitzer and King; Marshall and Mandela -- my accomplishments are slight. And then there are the men and women around the world who have been jailed and beaten in the pursuit of justice; those who toil in humanitarian organizations to relieve suffering; the unrecognized millions whose quiet acts of courage and compassion inspire even the most hardened cynics. I cannot argue with those who find these men and women -- some known, some obscure to all but those they help -- to be far more deserving of this honor than I."

Then to the Money Quote, the "just war" section that is now being called The Obama Doctrine:

We must begin by acknowledging the hard truth: We will not eradicate violent conflict in our lifetimes. There will be times when nations -- acting individually or in concert -- will find the use of force not only necessary but morally justified. I make this statement mindful of what Martin Luther King Jr. said in this same ceremony years ago: "Violence never brings permanent peace. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones." As someone who stands here as a direct consequence of Dr. King's life work, I am living testimony to the moral force of non-violence. I know there's nothing weak -- nothing passive -- nothing naïve -- in the creed and lives of Gandhi and King. But as a head of state sworn to protect and defend my nation, I cannot be guided by their examples alone. I face the world as it is, and cannot stand idle in the face of threats to the American people. For make no mistake: Evil does exist in the world. A non-violent movement could not have halted Hitler's armies. Negotiations cannot convince al Qaeda's leaders to lay down their arms. To say that force may sometimes be necessary is not a call to cynicism -- it is a recognition of history; the imperfections of man and the limits of reason. I raise this point, I begin with this point because in many countries there is a deep ambivalence about military action today, no matter what the cause. And at times, this is joined by a reflexive suspicion of America, the world's sole military superpower....Whatever mistakes we have made, the plain fact is this: the United States of America has helped underwrite global security for more than six decades with the blood of our citizens and the strength of our arms. The service and sacrifice of our men and women in uniform has promoted peace and prosperity from Germany to Korea, and enabled democracy to take hold in places like the Balkans.”

My favorite part is at the end:
Somewhere today, in the here and now, in the world as it is, a soldier sees he's outgunned, but stands firm to keep the peace. Somewhere today, in this world, a young protestor awaits the brutality of her government, but has the courage to march on. Somewhere today, a mother facing punishing poverty still takes the time to teach her child, scrapes together what few coins she has to send that child to school -- because she believes that a cruel world still has a place for that child's dreams.
Let us live by their example.

Here is the full text: http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/12/president-obama-we-can-build-a-just-and-lasting-peace.php?ref=fpblg

Hanukkah Music

2009-12-09T06:26:00.002-05:00

Bambina and I are committed to coming up with some cool songs for Hanukkah. She would like one "as good as Let it Snow." So we're working on it. In the meantime, here is a cool one, all the way from Jerusalem, to the tune of "Hey Ya." My favorite line? "Oy is just Yo backwards."

http://www.unlikelywords.com/2009/11/29/hanukkah-flash-mob/

In other, equally-exciting Judaic news, Orrin Hatch has just penned a Hanukkah song! I do not kid you on this. Enjoy, via Oliver Willis: http://www.oliverwillis.com/2009/12/08/orrin-hatch-writes-hanukkah-song/ The only thing that would make it better would be Orrin singing it himself.

This and That

2009-12-09T05:53:00.006-05:00

First up, a Pew poll that shows more people believe in guardian angels than in humans' role in global warming:
http://rawstory.com/2009/12/americans-angels-humancaused-global-warming/ Awesome.

Next, a list of the Top Ten Video Games to Cross Off Your Kids' Christmas List. It's got the details on the games and various statements of outrage. But here's my thought: if it's rated M for Mature, might that be a parent's clue? Just wonderin'.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/07/ten-video-games-to-cross-off-your-gift-list/?em

Next, my new favorite site on the web: http://www.heyitsfree.net/ What with our one income and our now twice-paid-for deck out back (oh, the story of the drunken contractor will be coming soon), funds have been in short supply at Chez Haggis. So I've been doing my best to find ways to save and ways to earn. One involves selling our stuff on craigslist and ebay. I just unloaded a giant buffet that fit in our DC rowhouse but was enormous in our little cottage here. Eight-five bucks cash, the BBDD helped the guy put it in his SUV, goodbye giant white elephant. Then I used that money to buy end tables plus gave the BBDD $15 for pocket money. Cost-neutral home improvement, baby! I got such a rush from getting rid of this giant piece of furniture that has been plaguing me since we moved in AND getting money to get cute little end tables in the bargain, that I started looking around the house for other stuff we could sell. The BBDD was dubious--and slightly concerned--since he is pretty sure we need everything we've got at this point. And we probably do. But the second something seems even remotely ancillary to our purposes? It's on the market.

So this site, Hey It's Free, is right up my alley. Free samples galore, coupons, rebates, you name it. I simply use an alias name for the mailable stuff and use my hotmail account for the online stuff and it never gets mixed in with my real life. I've had free samples of cereal bars, perfume, coffee, dental floss. All free. The reason I love this site in particular is that the site owner vets the offers for you, so they are not bait and switch or scams.

And finally, for those of you unaware of the trashiest show on TV, it is called "Jersey Shore." It's an MTV reality show about, well, the Jersey Shore. http://www.mtv.com/shows/jersey_shore/series.jhtml It has been slammed by Italian-American groups for it's unflattering and stereotypical portrayal of Italian-Americans. I think, however, it is not about Italian-Americans at all. It's about THE JERSEY SHORE. Much the same as the New York/Long Island loudmouth = Jewish canard, I reject the notion that Italian-Americans from the Shore behaving badly at all reflect the reality of Italian-Americans who live elsewhere. They simply reflect the reality of that region, whatever your ethnicity. My two cents. So--in the spirit of the show, this guy has created a Jersey Shore name generator. Mine: "The Position." Fist Pump!! http://www.unlikelywords.com/2009/12/08/jersey-shore-nickname-generator/

Bambina's Baby Sister

2009-12-09T05:23:00.006-05:00

So we are well underway in getting to Baby Sister and bringing her home. We got the LOA (Letter of Acceptance) from China last week, and it has been a total sprint since then. "Please return this letter by December 7th." Which meant pulling together a ream of documentation, filling in several new forms, making three copies of the entire packet and fedexing it--by the next morning. No pressure. I have spent more time than I can calculate at a) my desk, pulling all our documents and compiling new ones; b) Staples, copying and faxing said documents; and c) Fedex, shipping said documents. Literally entire mornings have disappeared doing those three things. I recognize that (as I like to say) it "beats an episiotomy," (and it does). But there is an exquisite and unbearable pressure involved in the knowledge that if you fill in one thing on these forms wrong it can mean several more months before you can meet your child and bring her home, which at this point is too much for me to even contemplate. We are also up against the Chinese Lunar New Year clock, which begins on February 14th. New Year is possibly the most important holiday in China, meaning that all government offices and, really, everything closes for two weeks. Almost everyone in China is traveling to get home, which means (as our agency put it) 117,000 people in line for tickets--and that is just the Guangzhou train station. So, if we don't get the paperwork processed and get in to China before late January, we are not going until late February. I know: a month, a month, only a month. But when you've seen her photo--and she is already one year old, you just really want every other month of her life to be with you from now on. So let's pray to the Homeland Security gods that they will turn our paperwork around and get us into--and out of--China ASAP.

From my blog to God's ears?

Keep the Santa in Christmas!

2009-12-08T11:24:00.003-05:00

This is less of a post and more a request for advice. As my Dad used to say, "The Christmas season is once again at our throats." It's a holly, jolly time that we actually do enjoy even if we don't celebrate it ourselves. Bambina loves visiting her Christian friends' houses so she can see the trees and the lights. She has started a nutcracker collection. So we're down with celebrating the joy with our friends who celebrate. But here's the dilemma:

How do I explain to Bambina that Santa does not come to our house because---well, Santa is imaginary--without ruining it for her Santa-loving friends? I told her that we don't believe in Santa. But I can't and won't tell her that Santa is real, because a) he's not and b) then why would we not allow him to come to our house and spread joy? So I told her that her friends who believe in Santa really deserve to have a fun Christmas and it's not for us to tell them otherwise. But then I sound like I'm saying her friends are stupid or something, like, "Oh they believe in Santa, but we know better, don't we?" Which I don't want to do either. So what do we do? If we did celebrate Christmas, the Santa thing would have been over by now because Bambina is too aware of her surroundings to go with that myth. She just BARELY still believes in the tooth fairy, on the theory that no fairy in its right mind wants some kid's nasty teeth...and besides, where do they keep them all and what do they do with them? So we'd have a similar issue with "the magic of Santa" even if we weren't Jewish because she would totally pick apart the entire story, like, Okay fat man is not fitting in our chimney, and why doesn't he just knock, and how come I give the list to you if he's the present man? And how do the reindeer fly?

You want someone present at a police interrogation to pick apart the logic of an alibi? Bambina is your girl. You want a lawyer in the courtroom who can decimate a witness with a well-crafted logically-sound takedown? Bambina is your girl. You want her to believe that a chubby dude in red drops gifts down a chimney? She's seeing holes in that story from word one. [This is why I am so tired all the time, btw].

So--let me hear your comments and advice. Soon. Before Bambina begins The Great Santa Unraveling for her kindergarten class.

Gimme a K! Gimme an E! Gimme an N!...

2009-12-08T11:16:00.002-05:00

It's Election Day here in Massachusetts; the special election to fill the seat of the recently-passed Ted Kennedy. Friends, a senatorial election without a Kennedy on the ballot? Me. Not. Understand. What. Box. To. Check? Me frightened and confused!

So, I voted for Martha Coakley. She's worked her butt off for MA for years, she's a woman (yeah, I said it!), and I think she has a chance of winning. I also liked Alan Khazei, but I just didn't see the numbers adding up for him in the end. So I went for Coakley. I mean, let's be honest here folks, it's not like any of the candidates were really different. This is Massachusetts. I've given up trying to find a pro-death penalty candidate I can agree with on 99% of the other issues. Can't be done. So I take the pinko with the liberal and consider my work here done. :) I know there is a Republican candidate but who knows what his name is. And I'm sure he's (and I'm sure he's a he) against the public option, which is a deal breaker for me.

So let's see how it shakes out. In any case, I'm missing Ted Kennedy.

War is Hell

2009-12-03T23:52:00.007-05:00

Of all the times I've wanted to be Barack Obama's girlfriend, mini-me or clone, this week would not be one of them.

Let's discuss Afghanistan, and let's be honest: there is no way to a clear victory in that country. Old Man McCain offered his supremely helpful input that 'success is the real exit strategy." Thanks, Uncle Cranky Pants, but what the hell does that MEAN? How many American lives to achieve "success"? And what is your definition of success? Some have said it would be a return to conditions pre-Soviet involvement. Um, that was decades ago--and predating the Taleban and al-Qaeda. So I'm going to say that's well-nigh impossible in this post-9/11 era. Others say that success means getting out right now before that con man Karzai can swindle us out of one more US dollar. Also moronic. Others have ignored success metrics and instead slammed Obama's speech, counting the number of times he used the word "I" (44) and the word "victory" (0). Most moronic of all. First of all, counting the number of "I's" in a speech and equating them to narcissism is juvenile. (I am so awesome vs. I am delighted to honor these Special Olympians today = same number of "I's" = vastly different speech). Secondly, no president in his right mind is going to go on record promising, vowing or claiming "victory" in fucking AFGHANISTAN. You're familiar with Afghanistan? Warlords. Tribes. A constant state of civil war since the 1970's. Bordered by Pakistan (the real place we need to clean up, but--again--how the hell do you do that?), China, Turkmenistan, et. al. A country in which the West has meddled and fiddled since the 19th century. This is not a country that lends itself to "victory" in a way that Americans like to see it, with ticker tape parades and hot GIs kissing sassy dames at train stations. Afghanistan is work--and plenty of it. So you'll forgive me for being glad Obama didn't don a flight suit and declare mission accomplished to appease the Cheneyites of America.

My personal opinion is that Obama's plan has pissed off enough people on both sides that it is probably somewhat the way to go. When Michael Moore and Bill Ayers essentially disown you for becoming a "war president?" You're probably doing something right. When Robert Kagan, himself no stranger to cheerleading surges, says that Obama's decision is a lonely one, and one that he (Kagan) would not know how to make? You know you're probably doing something right.

Tiger is a Dog

2009-12-03T23:49:00.004-05:00

I know it's annoying to talk about a golfer making the seksi time with women not his wife. But, let's do it anyway, shall we?!

Okay, let's don't. But do enjoy the Woods Family Christmas card.

Check Back Tonight!

2009-12-02T11:50:00.002-05:00

Oh, there will be blogging.

Afghanistan.
Obama's speech about Afghanistan.
Obama's plan for Afghanistan.
John McCain's nonsense metrics for Afghanistan.
Oh--and
Tiger Woods.

Rant-tastic

2009-11-30T21:49:00.011-05:00

Well, it's been quite a few days, has it not?

Let's begin with the couple who committed a home invasion of the White House during the Indian PM's state dinner. This is what it's come to, folks. So desperate to get on TV that we will consider gate crashing a White House event WITH CAMERAS in tow. No shame. Now while the Secret Service gets a foot put up its ass and thanks god it was only two loser Bravo TV wannabes who got past the clearly lackluster security, we can all look forward to these shameless asshats on our TV justifying their unjustifiable actions. It does make you wonder something, though: why are they not in jail? What if it were, say, you and I who just decided to walk in? What if we were, say, three teenage black kids? Would we be fielding offers from ABC--or would we be incarcerated somewhere already? Hell, the balloon boy's parents got served! Why not this couple? On the other hand, perhaps we should thank them for apparently waltzing through a security system that, were it in a Nicolas Cage movie, would make me snort with laughter, like, oh yeah, we're just supposed to believe the White House Security Gate just waves him in because he's dressed up fancy! Apparently, Nic Cage knows from security...
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/11/30/white-house-security-screeners-failed-to-ask-about-state-dinner-crashers/

Let's now move on to the animal who killed four Seattle-area police officers. How was this man on the street? I know; his sentence was commuted by Mike Huckabee because he was 17 at the time of the commutation. Another part of the reason? The suspect, Clemmons, said he'd changed, and Huckabee and Judge Marion Humphrey--both ministers--believed in giving second chances. It's a tragedy from every angle, all the more so because it was preventable. This is disgusting and horrifying and truly tragic. I wonder how many other issues of law in Arkansas were decided on similar biblical principles.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2010389064_webclemency01m.html

For the frequent fliers among you, this little nugget of nastiness from the FAA: Not to worry about those parts causing rare mid-flight engine shutdowns on Boeing 777's. We had ordered them grounded, but since the replacement parts are hard to get, we'll let them fly till 2011. Enjoy those pretzels, folks.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/11/30/national/main5834754.shtml?

And on a completely different note, some pics from Afghanistan, showing our servicemen and women doing some amazing work. It puts my little rant here in stark contrast to the real work these folks are doing. Thanks to all of them. Let's hope Obama has some good news tomorrow night.
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/11/afghanistan_november_2009.html

Martha Speaks

2009-11-23T08:38:00.000-05:00

Martha Stewart nails it on Sarah Palin. Somebody keep this lady drinkin' because she is speaking my language. Last week she was all up in Rachael Ray's grill about not being a real cook (thank you) and this week smackin' it down on Palin. I loves it!

Welcome to the Dollhouse

2009-11-23T03:00:00.020-05:00

I read with interest and annoyance the following article in the Wall Street Journal by Megan Cox Gurdon: online.wsj.com

It asks, "Do Our Dolls Have to Look Like Us?" and answers--big surprise from the WSJ--"Naaah." The author's point is that adults try to politicize dolls (not black enough, hair too straight, etc), whereas kids just want to play with them; therefore it is ridiculous that the toy companies are jumping through such hoops to bring diverse dolls to market. What's amazing is that the author cites two seminal studies demonstrating the negative effects on children of color when given only white dolls, but she still arrives at the same conclusion: What a pain! Why bother!? And the best, a line that said something to the effect of: "my one black friend growing up loved her Skipper and Barbie dolls!" Of course it's not a problem then, because you know ONE BLACK PERSON who had fun with Barbie! That must mean that ALL black people are just like your friend, being as how she's representative of an entire group of people by virtue of her blackness. Gimme a break.

Listen, I get what she's saying up to a point. Adults can get wiggy about stuff that goes over the heads of kids. But to then extrapolate that to conclude that dolls don't really have to look like a kid because--hey--the author's white kid just loooooves her Kaya Native American doll (whom the author calls an "American Indian")! So if white kids love dolls who happen to be of another race, why can't kids of other races just get on board with white dolls, huh? Well, they can. They've been doing it for hundreds of years. Hundreds of years up until only the past, say, five to eight years, if we're discussing widely-available mass-produced dolls. Readers will recall my quest--in Washington DC--to find a doll for Bambina that was even slightly more colored than alabaster, and this in 2005 in a major city. It was not an easy task. No, Ms. Cox Gurdon, it's not that people of color can't get on board with white dolls; that's been done. It's that, as the white parent of a white child, you will never walk into a store and ponder why NOT ONE doll in the entire building even remotely resembles your child. And again, you will ask, "Well, why does it matter?" And, again, as the white parent of a white child, you will not understand my answer when I say, "Because I have seen my daughter's face when met with a doll that Looks Like Her. I have seen the spark of recognition. I have seen the pride. I have seen the excitement that this perfect mirror image of herself has been placed in her grasp."

Of course she has white dolls she plays with. Of course she has black dolls she plays with. She likes them all. But when she was given the chance to get an American Girl doll, her first choice was Ivy Ling, the Chinese-American doll who is friends with white, blond Julie in 1974 San Francisco. She loves the Julie and Ivy stories and has her hopes set on a Julie doll as well, but when given the choice, she chose Ivy first. When she plays with and talks to Ivy, I can hear how the doll is a reflection of Bambina: "Oh, Ivy, you celebrate Chinese New Year just like we do; and since you don't celebrate Christmas in the books except with Julie's family, I think you celebrate Hanukkah like me. Welcome to our family!" And then Ivy becomes a doll to be dressed and undressed, taken places, and handled just as her other dolls of various racial origins are handled. But those tiny moments, those fleeting moments, when I hear my child speak alone with her Chinese doll, I get it. I get it in a way Ms. Cox Gurdon cannot get it.

We all want to see ourselves reflected in the important things of our world; it is a human need, as old as time. Western Christendom depicted Jesus as white with blue eyes. Completely unlikely and almost impossible for someone of that time and that place to look remotely white, but there he is: your Aryan Jesus of Nazareth, for the ages. I for one am glad that the toy industry is no longer telling kids of color that they don't exist, that they don't merit a line of production. You can slam marketing and product-pushing all you want. What I'm talking about is the fact that American Girl and Disney are acknowledging that their customer base EXISTS, that there is something powerful about imaginative play, especially when it acknowledges the personhood of the girl playing. That ALL girls of ALL races benefit when given a diversity of options and stories to imagine and build upon.

ps--This entire post leaves out my parental concern, at least vis a vis American Girl, that their Asian dolls are all light-skinned. Baby steps, I say. Baby steps.

Welcome, H1N1

2009-11-22T05:37:00.002-05:00

And just as the blog was off to a decent-enough start, the Bambina has come down with the dreaded porcine influenza. It's officially unconfirmed because they don't test for it, but her symptoms are all consistent, according to the ER (which we just visited in the wee hours), with H1N1. Ragingly high fever, emphysema-like cough, and major body aches and pains to the point of tears. Oh, it's a fiesta here at Chez Haggis. A regular fiesta.

Since I only got my shot on Wednesday and am therefore not immune yet, I will most likely be next in line, followed by the BBDD who is screwed either way: he'll either be sick himself or taking care of us. Fan-f*cking-tastic.

I knew it was coming. One of Bambina's friends got sent home from school on Friday after throwing up and spiking a high fever. When his mom mentioned that it was not a stomach virus but..dunh dunh dunh!...H1N1, I knew that mess was in the mail. Well, the package arrived at 3am in the form of a screaming child with a 102 fever and unbearable stomach pain. The doctor said to ER her, they checked for pneumonia, found none but found bronchitis--and the flu.

So although I'm certain I'm already infected due to all kinds of normal contact, the Baby Daddy is downstairs with the girl since I am attempting to limit any further ingestion of her germs. Then he can sleep today and I'll take care of her, and then we'll switch again. Until the next domino falls...

Punching Out

2009-11-20T13:06:00.005-05:00

Here are some links for you on this Friday afternoon:

First, Roy Keane, star Irish footballer discusses why the Irish are whiners about losing to France. He also, a couple of minutes in, takes out a guy whose cell phone keeps ringing. Fun TV--especially because Roy Keane is a hottie.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/internationals/8370327.stm

Next, a story on the ludicrous notion that Lou Dobbs will run for the White House or Senate. Oh, please bring that on!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091119/people_nm/us_usa_politics_dobbs

In the "now that is giant balls" department, a woman organizes a fundraiser to help the victim of a hit-and-run. Only, she steals the money to pay the bail of the suspect in the hit-and-run. Stay classy, America.
http://columbian.com/article/20091119/NEWS02/711209987/Police%20%20Money%20from%20Patterson%20‘%20fundraiser%20%20misused

The final link's first paragraph says it all: "An eminent rabbi was so exhausted after three days of constant cocaine-fuelled partying with escorts that his pimp grew worried and cancelled that day’s supply of girls."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article6924293.ece

And with that, friends, I wish bid you Gut Shabbes!

Palin: Best Fiction Writer of 2009?

2009-11-19T05:28:00.017-05:00

The Palin Train just keeps rollin' along! As a DNC memo said yesterday: If Republicans want to anoint SP as their standard bearer: "God bless." Although, my own personal patriotism and love for this beautiful country should preclude too much glee here, since anytime someone runs for something, they might actually win. And a Sarah Palin win for any office, much less the Presidency, would be a catastrophe unlike any before in our history. Here's a link to the first TWENTY-TWO fabrications in her book (half-way down the page):

politico.com/blogs/bensmith

As much as I have shredded John McCain in these pages for his choice of Palin, I was glad to see him yesterday finally come to the defense of his staffers who have been the victims of career assassination at the hands of Palin. I mean, if Palin is to be believed, Nicole Wallace convinced her to do the infamous interview with Katie Couric because Katie had "low self-esteem." If true, Ms. Wallace is unemployable in electoral politics. Having seen Ms. Wallace's work and seeing her appearance on Rachel Maddow's show where she called Palin's account, rather credibly, "fiction," I'm inclined to believe her.

In my writing class we talked at great length about the difference between non-fiction, creative non-fiction and fiction. We were to write non-fiction. If you could not remember a detail you were not to make it up; you were to find a way to make the lack of memory work in the story: "I don't recall the way she said it, but I left with the impression that I was to..." It lets you continue with YOUR truth, your memories of the event, without inventing quotes for others and without putting the veneer of fact on what is only a spotty memory. It respects the genre, and it respects the people in your story.

Compare Going Rogue to George Stephanopoulos' All Too Human. At the time ATH came out I was outraged that a White House staffer would reveal his conversations with the President. I refused to buy the book and cursed Georgie S a blue streak. But if you read the book (it fell open off my Republican colleague's desk one day...) you will see that it is based on his copious daily notes and his memos from the time of the events. It is a well-sourced book. Most importantly, where relevant, Stephanopoulos goes to great lengths to say, "These are my recollections of the conversation/the meeting/the argument; xy may disagree." So even though I was mad that he wrote the book (which now seems quaintly tame in comparison to other people's works published in the past decade), I was heartened to see that it was not a hatchet job, a score-settling or a work of creative non-fiction in which embellishments to the truth were acceptable. He was trying to be truthful to the events, the moments, and the people insofar as any human writer can do.

Going Rogue is its own animal. Why I think I find it so interesting, to be honest is that it puts Palin's political career and writing/TV appearance career on a collision course. If she runs for office, she will have to defend her record--which now includes this book. It's just rather breathtaking, is what I'm saying, for a person who seems to have aspirations for higher office to write a book whose facts are so easily discredited, and whose idea of interesting anecdotes includes this very classy nugget:

All I'm saying is that maybe the book will fall open off the shelf at my local bookstore today...

As Good As It Gets

2009-11-18T08:07:00.007-05:00

I'm at Dana Farber today for my now-ongoing GVHD drama. The crap news: I have developing skin GVHD, wherein the connective tissue and my skin are sticking to my muscles. So when I move my arm, a dimpled, tight-feeling line is visible where all these things that are supposed to slide smoothly over and around each other are getting stuck together. It's as beautiful-looking as it sounds.

But, now the good news: If I can stay on my current dose of immunosuppressives or less, I can travel to China to bring home baby sister! Woo Hoo!

Further good news: I'm getting my H1N1 vaccination in about 5 minutes, and there is no peace of mind like the H1N1 peace of mind, my friends. My doctor was totally fine with me getting any virus, any bacteria, but he said in no uncertain terms: "You really, really do not want to get H1N1. It kills people like you, and fast." So we've all just been waiting and waiting for a shipment, and it finally arrived for the good people of DF today...and I'm at the head of the line.

All told, I'm thinking this is a good day, even as I reflect on my new definition of "good" from, say, ten years ago. The threshold for "good" is far lower, but the joy in feeling it is far greater.
I'll take it. :)

All Things Palin

2009-11-18T05:48:00.004-05:00

First, a good little blurb by Andrew Sullivan who, quite rightly, holds John McCain to account for the fact that we even know who this woman is. His point? No one else seems to doing it--and why is that? Why is no one asking John McCain to account for his clearly cynical and capricious and truly dangerous act of having Sarah Palin come *this* close to having her finger on the button?
andrewsullivan.theatlantic.coml

Next, some emails from the campaign that show the increasing bad blood between the Palin and McCain staff, and show the ways in which Sarah Palin was "going rogue" by refusing to shake Paul Celucci's hand or to have a Senator ride along with her.
politics.theatlantic.com

And finally, although I don't always love him, Richard Cohen sums it up, at least for me. Best line? She has a phenomenal favorability rating among Republicans -- 76 percent -- who have a quite irrational belief that she would not make such a bad president. What they mean is that she will act out their resentments -- take an ax to the people and institutions they hate. The Palin Movement is fueled by high-octane bile, and it is worth watching and studying for these reasons alone.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/16/AR2009111602630.html

I will say one thing in her defense: Newsweek should have used a different cover photo. Yes, she previously had posed in her shorts for Runners World or whatever sports mag it was, but just to be consistent on what I'd have said had it been any other female in politics, I have to say that, at least on this one thing, Palin is right; that cover was sexist.

I'm Here, I've Got No Career, Get Used To It!

2009-11-16T06:58:00.005-05:00

Such is my new mantra for all those parades and marches I'll be doing as a confirmed stay-at-home mom.

I came to the conclusion recently, as I managed to do no writing after my writing class ended, that the best way to be able to write is...to write. To write anything. To write every day. To make myself write, even if its drivel. Because the process of writing something, anything keeps one's brain in writer mode and helps ensure that something will come when the need arises. I thought that putting the blog to the side would give me time to pursue my Capital W, Capital C Writing Career. It certainly did while my writing class was in session. I produced several really promising essay drafts, one of which I will be submitting to some journals in the near future. On the other hand, when the class ended, I got sucked into kindergarten drama, GVHD health drama, and a million other minor dramas that all somehow made me "too busy" to write. Then once I was too busy to write, the urge to write declined, the ability to write declined, and hell--the ability to competently read others' writing declined. It was not a good situation. So I finally gave myself a break: I don't have to become A Writer at this point in my life. I have genuinely full days doing my "mommy job" as Bambina calls it, most days to the point that I do not sit down once until maybe 4pm. I literally do not get my ass in a chair until the late afternoon. I eat while moving, I talk while moving, I am mostly always moving. So trying to create a writing career at this point is, to put it mildly, a bit daunting and ambitious.

Which is why I decided to simply be a mom who writes. I'll write this blog and that will inspire me to finish the essays and get them out. It will keep my mental acuity, it will ensure my sanity, and it will no doubt be done between the hours of 11pm and 7am. All achievable goals within the constraints of the job I currently have, which as moms know, is a 24-hour gig.

So--welcome back to my loyal readers (all 9 of you!). Welcome to new readers from NaBloPoMo (a rather porny acronym for National Blog Posting Month), and a hearty Welcome The Eff Back to my mom who never tires of being appalled by my "bad language."

Renovations

2009-11-16T06:52:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the new Star Spangled Haggis!

By which I mean, of course, the same old Star Spangled Haggis with different colors and layouts.

It seemed like it was time to update my 2004 design since, as I recall, that was the only design available when I started the blog. I hope the new font is agreeable and that I don't get those nasty letters from senior citizens that many of my charitable employers got demanding that everything be in LARGE TYPE on a white background. Any other complaints, you just forward along and I'll ignore them. :)

Kindergarten Competition

2009-11-16T05:56:00.009-05:00

As many of you know, Bambina is now in kindergarten. (Sweet Bambina of babyhood, just 4 1/2 years ago...how does it happen? Where does the time go?) I recognize we are having a non-traditional transition to kindergarten due to Bambina's now-anxiety about my then-transplant. However, one of the things I realized while talking with her teacher and school psychologist is that Bambina is among the youngest in her class. They mentioned this fact, not as a hint that she should not be in kindergarten because she is clearly ready for kindergarten, but to emphasize that comparing her to other kids in the class is unfair and unwarranted. Why? Because she is not yet 5 1/2 and a good 80% of her class is already 6. Folks who don't really make it their business to know about kids (=me about 6 years ago) may not know that the developmental difference between 5.4 and 6.2 is HUGE. The grasp of fantasy vs. reality, the ability to communicate in groups, to navigate school hallways confidently, to grasp math and reading concepts: the delta between what a 5 year-old and a 6 year-old can bring to these concepts is simply enormous.

So why this giant age gap? Well, in some cases the kids legitimately missed the age cutoff for our town. So, for example, if the cutoff is September 1st, and your kid turned 5 last September 3rd, guess what? Your 6 year old is now in my 5 year-old's kindergarten class. Fair enough. In other cases, the kids were held back because they really were not kindergarten-ready, socially or academically, and truly benefited from a year of Transitional Kindergarten at a preschool. However--in some cases, parents held their kids back, even if they met the age cutoff, in order to give their kids an edge in school and sports. Yes. You heard me right. Some parents, even knowing that their kids are ready for kindergarten, are holding them back so they will be smarter and physically bigger than their peers. What's the big deal, you ask? Well, as my teacher friends tell me, it pushes academic learning down into kindergarten, kindergarten learning down into preschool, and creates social issues like the ones faced by Bambina in her class, where the teacher is trying to manage the learning and behaviors of both just-5-year-olds and truly "mature" 6 1/2 year olds.

The difference was obvious at Halloween. The 5 year-olds were dressed as princesses, fairies, dragons, (Bambina = Wonder Woman). The 6 and ups were dressed as Hannah Montana, soldiers, Darth Vader, the creepy-faced mask from Scream. That little costume parade at school was a visual representation of where these kids are, and how they are all across the board. I help out in the class sometimes, and the social differences are staggering. The six-plusses tend to clique more, and they are definitely on the leading edge of making fun of others and knowing what is on TV after 6pm, ie Hannah Montana, ICarly. The fives are still very much, "Hey! That's not nice! You are not being a good friend!" and liking SuperWhy.

So what's my point? My usual: I don't like that. And I think if your kid is eligible and ready for kindergarten, his booty should be sent to kindergarten where he belongs, hockey or soccer scholarships to college be damned.

The Ultras vs. Intel

2009-11-15T23:08:00.003-05:00

http://www.haaretz.com

Here's an article about how Intel may close its Jerusalem plant because ultra-orthodox Jewish Israelis are staging disruptive protests because the company is open on the Sabbath--and is allowing Jews to work on the Sabbath if they so choose.

You can read the article, but my major question to the Ultra-O's is this: If Shabbat is so holy and intended only for rest and study, why the hell are you standing outside a factory yelling and marching on the Sabbath? If your asses were in temple or doing what else you're supposed to be doing (ie, observing the Sabbath), wouldn't you be unable to be at the protest?

Just wondering.

The Bow Heard Round the World

2009-11-15T22:41:00.005-05:00

Oh yes, our America-hating President is at it again: greeting foreign leaders according to protocol, to the incandescent rage of the moronic American Right.

To be fair, he didn't do it exactly right in the photo of him with the Emperor; too low, not from the waist. But he did it perfectly correctly with the Empress just seconds later and later on at Suntory Hall. Anyone seen those photos? It's running on Japanese TV. The errors on both sides are pretty well summed up here: blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch

Again, it is simply ludicrous to say that because the POTUS bows (however inartfully) to another foreign leader, he is somehow BOWING to that leader. Aren't we smarter than this? After all, here is avowed socialist pinko America-hater Richard Nixon not only bowing to, but clinking glasses with his Chinese counterpart as Pat Buchanan (circled) looks on. So if Obama's unamerican for bowing to a sovereign, what was Nixon for bowing to a Communist? Come on now. Surely you guys can find something else--something worthwhile--on which to disagree with Obama? There's a list of stuff to hate (says you); you don't need to drink the haterade on this. Everybody move on, now. Isn't there a Kenyan birth certificate to be unearthed?

John McCain: What Hath You Wrought?

2009-11-12T08:47:00.005-05:00

You know you are a lunatic when even Fox News has to fact-check you. I'm looking at you, Sarah Palin.

talkingpointsmemo.com

This tidbit reveals that Sarah Palin--our almost Vice President--wondered aloud at a speech why the words "In God We Trust" had been moved to the side of our dollar coins instead of front and center, implying that our Kenyan Muslim Savior-King's White House was behind this terrible disrespecting of the Supreme Being.

Turns out the changes were made in 2005. Back when Bush was president. This woman is a joke. The only problem is, there were probably hundreds of senior citizens and half-wits listening to her who now are telling everyone they know that Obama hates God and is secretly changing our currency.

I still blame John McCain.

Master of Eminent Domain

2009-11-12T06:29:00.002-05:00

And...beaten to it again...by Popehat/. Another excellent post I was going to write on the Kelo v. New London decision. Having spent a great deal of time in New London, this case was of particular interest. You may recall it was the famous case of the US Supreme Court allowing the City of New London to take Mrs. Kelo's home on the basis of public interest (in this case, Pfizer was going to develop the land and return New London to its former glory). Yes, you read that right: the US Supreme Court allowed the government to take a woman's land and give it to a corporation. I'm sure it all worked out great, then, and New London is once again a beacon of light in Southeastern Connecticut!

Or not.

Afghanistanic Panic

2009-11-12T05:34:00.004-05:00

I was going to write a post on this latest development in the Afghanistan troop (non)surge, but as always Newshoggers did it already and did it better. newshoggers.com

It's pretty obvious Obama is between a rock and a hard place on this, which of course is the definition of his job. But still. I heard the morons on that Fox morning show pontificating the other day about how Obama is wasting time by not committing an additional 40,000 troops immediately, and if he'd done it sooner, the job could be done sooner, and how every minute he "wastes" is another minute Americans could be at risk. Blah blah. I'm sorry--you were hoping for a president who would rush 40,000 of our sons and daughters, fathers and mothers into a country with a semi-legitimate, fully-corrupt leader who has recently made all kinds of uncomplimentary remarks about the American presence in his country? Oh yes, Cheney, that's called "dithering" isn't it? Or. You know. It could be called doing the job correctly. Weighing the options. Seeing a shithole for what it is before you jump into it--or more accurately--issue the order to send 40,000 other people jumping into it, some never to get out. "But Obama needs to listen to the Generals!" Yes he does. But generals don't speak with unanimity (as this article proves), and no one is going to blame the generals if it all goes sideways. I guarantee you weeks of bellowing, frothing coverage of "the Afghanistan quagmire" on Fox, of Obama's incompetence, of his disregard for our soldiers, of his elite lack of knowledge of all things military. Those cats on Fox don't care about the military; they only care about ratings. Why else would they be cheerleading a rushed troop buildup in what is clearly a less-than-ideal situation?

Sending troops into harm's way is the most grave responsibility of the President of the United States. You can wish for the good old days of "We're gonna smoke 'em out!" followed by an immediate troop commitment, followed by a miserable conflict in which thousands of Americans are not "welcomed like liberators," but are instead killed. You go on with yourself and long for those days if you must. Me? I'll take the reality-based view instead: perhaps we cannot help a country rid itself of the Taliban if that country's leader is hated by his people, steals from his people, and doesn't seem too concerned himself with ridding his country of the Taliban.

For Those Of You Keeping Score At Home...

2009-11-11T07:19:00.008-05:00

...we recently heard from China. Baby Sister will be home sometime in early 2010! So you can all update your scorecards to reflect Haggis Family +1 = 4. :)

It has been a long wait, but one that has made this result possible. If she'd arrived in the fleeting 9 months it took for Bambina I would have been very sick and we'd have been unable to complete the adoption. If she'd arrived in 2 years, I'd have been just coming out of isolation and unable to really be a full-time mother to both girls. So we waited and waited--and the waiting was good. It caused me to reflect on how much of life can involve waiting, and on how much life can be sweet if we view the waiting as a necessary time rather than a punishment.

I think back to all the times I was waiting and praying and hoping for something but failing to realize that maybe I wasn't ready just when I thought I was. I wonder if God (or the universe or whomever) creates these fallow times in order to create some change in us that needs to occur before we can be ready for the blessing we're awaiting. Bambina has been struggling with kindergarten transition, generalized anxiety and a delayed (or right on time?) reaction to my transplant from 2 years ago. It has been a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute drama for all of us as her intellect has caught up to her memories. It's as though she has just figured out that what happened back when she was 3 was really, really scary and serious. And so she must process these feelings now, with us, her school and a child psychologist's help. I awake every day ready to go pick up my second daughter. But I view the wait as my opportunity and my privilege to ensure that my first daughter emerges from the situations of her young life unharmed and healthy. Bambina needs me right now, completely. And I know that the wait for Baby Sister is making it possible for me to focus totally on Bambina, as I need to. She's been through a lot of stuff in her 5 short years, dealt with separations and losses and feelings that most people don't experience till adolescence. So her anxiety is no mystery and no cause for shame. It's simply something we will all work through together and emerge stronger on the other side. While we wait.

Fort Hood

2009-11-11T07:03:00.005-05:00

Oh, good grief. I don't want to be a jerk, but can we please call this what it was? An evil person, misusing Islam, brutally murdered 13 people. There. I said it. The "I" word. How many talking heads are going to say that this was not about Islam? I mean, okay, it wasn't; not only. But had he been a graduate of Oral Roberts University, a teabagger and a member of some cuckoo Christian fundamentalist church, we all would have agreed that his psycho reading of religion was THE REASON for his attack. Why can't we just say the same for our Muslim attacker in this case?

I know. Not the post you expected from fat-headed liberal me. But, really. It does Islam no honor to be danced around in this manner. It does Muslims no honor to be patronized in this manner. This monster of a man used his religion as an excuse to kill people. It happens all the time. (Recall that Yitzhak Rabin himself was killed by a nutjob fundamentalist Jew). So why are we so skittish about saying so when it involves Islam? To my mind, just saying so doesn't dishonor decent Muslims at all. In fact, to pretend that somehow religion was not involved in this attack is the real dishonor, because it implies that Muslims are not full members of American society and somehow cannot be treated like everyone else.

So let's say it together: Nutjob people of all religions do terrible, terrible things to their fellow creatures created by God. Now let's work within and among our religions to root them out, shun them and shame them. Let us not let our religion be defined by the extreme, intolerant, evil, murderous thugs who inhabit our communities. Let's stand up, call them out, and--as President Obama so deftly said in his remarks at Fort Hood yesterday--ensure that they face justice:

"It may be hard to comprehend the twisted logic that led to this tragedy. But this much we do know - no faith justifies these murderous and craven acts; no just and loving God looks upon them with favor. And for what he has done, we know that the killer will be met with justice - in this world, and the next."

Veterans Day

2009-11-11T06:52:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was explaining to Bambina why she has a day off school today. I was trying to explain it in a way that made sense to a 5 year-old without scaring her (soldiers with guns! Fighting! Wars!). So I said this:

We honor veterans (like your BB was) because they protect us. Because they protect our friends in other countries. Because they make it possible for us to go about our business without having to worry. Because they spend lots of time away from their kids doing their jobs. Because they don't get to leave work early to come to their child's school event. Because they don't get to stay home when they have a sniffle. Because they don't get to sit around the breakfast table with their families every morning. Because they do a very hard job for not a lot of pay. Because they do the daily work to keep our country free.

I'll work on it for next year, but since her response was, "Well, that is an important holiday; should we send the veterans some American Girl dolls and candy to say thank you?" I think I did my job.

Thank you, veterans!

Easing Back In

2009-11-10T11:41:00.004-05:00

...with links!

First, perhaps the funniest Twitter account ever created: http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

A 29 year-old lives with his 73 year-old dad. These are the things the dad says. I damn near peed my pants, specifically at the "Sometimes life leaves you a $100 bill on your dresser and you don't realize till later that it's because it f**&ed you."

Next, http://www.boston.com/news/health/Gallery/celebrity_swine_flu/ Just in case you're desperately interested in which celebrities have already had swine flu/H1N1.

And, in the "Everything I Touch Turns to Sh*t" department, I give you British PM Gordon Brown who misspelled the deceased's name in his condolence letter to the mother of a killed British soldier. And some other mistakes as well. About twenty, actually. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/Afghanistan/article6909326.ece

Stay tuned! In the meantime, here's one more from Sam, the dad who says sh*t: "I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a sh*t on a parking lot. They deserve some good news."

My Loss Is Your Gain

2009-11-09T06:02:00.003-05:00

Don't look now, but it appears that The Haggis is back.

So--what has precipitated this earth-shattering event?

Did I finally publish that book?

Did I finally meet and seduce Ewan McGregor?

Did I finally score my actual age on that Real Age test, rather than being told I'm 52?

Did I finally admit an addiction to meth during my tennis career?

Sadly, no on all counts. But I did get prescribed some more prednisone! And long-time readers will recall that prednisone = insomnia + productivity. Ergo, I now have 5 or 6 extra hours a day to do what the experts call "stuff," one element of which is blogging.

I've missed you, friends. I've stifled many a rant over the past few months, having no outlet for their fury. So--let's begin again, shall we?

Summer Vacation

2009-07-28T23:20:00.003-04:00

Hi All,

As is patently obvious, I do not have the time these days to appropriately and competently blog. My writing time is being devoted to the class, from which I hope to create a few publishable items. Which means the time--and material--I have for poor old SSHaggis is limited. So rather than intermittently suck, I'm going to take another sabbatical.

Thanks for reading and for checking back. To tide you over I am linking to Bill Shatner doing Sarah Palin's retirement speech. It is beat poetry at its finest.

Arrested for Being Black and Loud

2009-07-21T09:38:00.007-04:00

http://wonkette.com/409970/famous-harvard-intellectual-arrested-in-connection-with-attempting-to-enter-his-own-home#more-409970

The story of august and respected Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates being arrested on suspicion of breaking into HIS OWN HOME. The police report states that he was actually arrested for being disorderly and "tumultuous" with the police officer. Oh, you mean the police officer standing in YOUR house demanding to see YOUR ID to prove that YOU live in YOUR house?!! So apparently Dr. Gates showed his Harvard ID but none too happily, which devolved into being arrested for not being pleasant about being asked to prove he lived in his own house.

This is racist. This is racist. If you can't figure out why, I'm not sure I can help you because this is SO OBVIOUS. See all these ALL CAPS? That's when you know I'm pissed off on my blog. Imagine this scenario with a white distinguished professor at Harvard. A white woman sees a bespectacled older white man with a cane leaning into his door with a friend trying to open it. She immediately assumes these older gentlemen are obviously breaking into a house not their own. Why else would two white men be messing with a stuck door? When the police arrive, the white man takes umbrage at being asked to prove that he lives in his own house. He shows ID under protest, but is arrested anyway for being rude to the police officer because obviously anyone of any color and any social stature is arrested for yelling at a police officer who is, at this point, in your home with no cause.

How do you think that would play in the media? And yet, with Dr. Gates we have all the white people commenting that he should just have kept calm and showed his ID without getting all mad (read = uppity). Think about that. Some cop walks into YOUR house and demands proof that it's your house. You offer proof, and instead of saying, "Well, sorry about the misunderstanding" the officer remains unsure that the home is yours and arrests you for being pissed that he's in your house.

Officer, take a fucking look around at all the photos of ME in the house! Take a look at my cane! Look at my khaki pants and designer blazer, not to mention MY HARVARD ID. Do I look like I'm the profile to be breaking and entering in the light of day?

This entire situation is bullshit. First, the woman who made the call, who also (maybe, used to, at this point) works for Harvard. Every assumption about black men came into play with that phone call. She ignored every indication that this was not a B&E: his age, his physical condition, his deportment. All she saw was "Black Guy Struggling With Door" = obvious crime in progress. Let's all examine our own hearts and vow to not be this woman.

Second, the police officer. Completely ill-equipped to deal with this situation from a social, emotional and professional perspective. I'm certain that Dr. Gates asked for this man's badge number. The article stated that Dr. Gates wanted to get the Chief of Police on the line, and shouted that the officer did not know who he was dealing with. Well, that much is true. This is a clusterfuck from the word Go, and it should be put in training manuals going forward. For example, if you arrive at a potential B&E to find the avuncular owner of the property in residence after struggling with his door, consider your work here done. And do understand that you've just invaded and violated a person's home by accusing him of breaking into it.

All I'm saying is two things: Simply imagine yourself in Dr. Gates' situation and ask yourself if you wouldn't get "tumultuous" as well. I sure would. And also recognize that this type of insidious racism exists. I mean, how much does a black man have to achieve, how much money does he need to earn, how much of a beautiful home in Cambridge must he live in, in order to not be randomly considered a criminal? That woman most likely doesn't dislike black people, but when she saw this situation all she saw was a criminal. That is the bone-deep, reflexive racism we all have to root out and destroy within ourselves. Racism is a cancer on our society, but as the great philosopher Sting once sang, "Men go crazy in congregations; they only get better one by one."

The Senate Follies

2009-07-15T06:10:00.005-04:00

Some beautiful nuggets from the Sonia Sotomayor confirmation hearings, all from Republicans of course:

First, a lack of basic civility and manners:

SEN. JON KYL: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Judge, could I return briefly to a series of questions that Senator Feingold asked at the very beginning relating to the Maloney decision relating to the Second Amendment.

SONIA SOTOMAYOR: Sure.

KYL: Yes...

SOTOMAYOR: Good afternoon, by the way.

KYL: Oh, I'm sorry?

SOTOMAYOR: Good afternoon, by the way.

KYL: Yes, good afternoon. You had indicated, of course, if that case were to come before the court, under the recusal statute, you would recuse yourself from participating in the decision.

Next, an apparent belief that judges of the same ethnicity should vote the same way:

SESSIONS: You voted not to reconsider the prior case. You voted to stay with the decision of the circuit. And in fact your vote was the key vote. Had you voted with Judge Cabranes, himself of Puerto Rican ancestry, had you voted with him, you could’ve changed that case. Sessions then deemed Sotomayor "unsuitable for the bench" because she had been involved with the Puerto Rican Legal Defense and Education Fund (PRLDEF). Sessions was obviously unaware that Judge Cabranes also served on PRLDEF’s board.

And, of course, Lindsey Graham, whose questioning of Sotomayor is available here http://www.washingtonpost.com. Did he let her answer even one question? He pretty much just listed his grievances, asked his moronic questions ("Do you understand military law?" Well, NO, idiot), and then moved on to his next talking point. I think Sotomayor spoke about 5 times, Graham about 50. What this transcript doesn't reflect is the sneering self-satisfaction of Graham as he's performing.

Each of these examples leads me to wonder under what circumstances the GOP will ever win the Latino vote again. It's less the questioning and more the attitude, the condescension, the cluelessness with which the questions are asked. These guys are relics and they seem not to know it. Which can only be good for the Dems. Viva le GOP!

Oh Snap, Sessions!

2009-07-14T21:21:00.001-04:00

From the Washington Wire:

Ouch!

Sen. Jeff Sessions (R., Ala.), seeking to discredit Judge Sonia Sotomayor’s judicial philosophy, cited her 2001 “wise Latina” speech, and contrasted the view that ethnicity and sex influence judging with that of Judge Miriam Cedarbaum, who “believes that judges must transcend their personal sympathies and prejudices.”

Associated Press
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R., Ala.), ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, questions Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, during her confirmation hearing before the committee Tuesday. Sen. Orrin Hatch (R., Utah) is at left.
“So I would just say to you, I believe in Judge Cedarbaum’s formulation,” Sessions told Sotomayor.

“My friend Judge Cedarbaum is here,” Sotomayor riposted, to Sessions’ apparent surprise. “We are good friends, and I believe that we both approach judging in the same way, which is looking at the facts of each individual case and applying the law to those facts.”

Cedarbaum agreed.

“I don’t believe for a minute that there are any differences in our approach to judging, and her personal predilections have no effect on her approach to judging,” she told Washington Wire. “We’d both like to see more women on the courts,” she added.

Cedarbaum, a pioneering woman lawyer who graduated from Columbia Law School in 1953, goes way back with both participants in the colloquy. Cedarbaum mentored Sotomayor after she joined the federal district court in Manhattan in 1992, and they have been close friends ever since.

In 1986, Cedarbaum and Sessions were both nominated to the federal bench by President Ronald Reagan, and were members of the same orientation class for future judges. Their paths then diverged, however. Cedarbaum was confirmed, but Sessions nomination floundered over a controversy surrounding comments he made involving the Ku Klux Klan and the NAACP.

Bad Mommy

2009-07-14T20:57:00.000-04:00

I’m thinking about starting a sister blog entitled The Bad Mommy Chronicles. Why? Because every week I tend to commit some kind of parenting malfeasance. If such a blog did exist this week it would be gettting updated hourly because I have had a bonanza of parenting malfunctions.

Let us begin with my child’s vegetarianism. You’ll recall that she’s five. And now an avowed vegetarian. If it weren’t for her obsession with cheese she’d be a vegan and probably 20 pounds, so vive le fromage mes amis. The difficulty level of her vegetarianism is this: she says she hates meat, but eats chicken nuggets. She says she hates beef, but eats Hebrew National hot dogs. She says she prefers soy, but barely nibbles the soy dogs and soy nuggets. All of which means, IMHO, that she likes the idea of being vegetarian but not the actual practice.

In any case, this week we made dumplings. Some of which contained beef hot dog cut up into tiny dumpling-filling size. She LOVED it, eating about three of them in swift succession. When she asked what it was, we kind of hedged. She ate more. So now the dilemma presents itself: do we tell her it is beef, or lie and tell her it is soy? My money is on lying, which is what I did. I didn’t necessarily say it was soy, but I didn’t go out of my way to yell, “Proudly presenting beef in your dumpling!” I made a jokey reference to it on facebook and got a few offline and online smackdowns for lying to my child, and breaching her trust vis a vis her ethical sensibilities. I felt bad about it, but then got the absolution from my old rabbi (the greater good is that she grows healthy and strong) as well as my mother (“A 5 year-old does not dictate what is for dinner. Who is in charge over there?!”)

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to obfuscate when it comes to the meat in her food. And you know what? I’m okay with that. When she weighs more than a 2 year-old and is making her own food, she can eat or not eat whatever she wants. While I still have to make sure she consumes some kind of protein at every meal rather than constant mac and cheese and carbohydrates, I’m serving her protein-filled stuff she’ll eat. Even—and especially—if it’s meat.

When she’s older I will treat it much like people treat the issue of Santa. Yes we sort of lied to you, but it was in the interest of you experiencing the magical joy of giving and peace on earth. In this case, it is in the interest of her experiencing the magical joy of, you know, growing taller and maintaining brain development. Have a holly jolly hot dog, darling!

Next up, I made my child cry tears of bitter disappointment, and all because I wanted to chit chat with the mommies. She told me in no uncertain terms that when I picked her up at camp yesterday I was to stay in the car, because only little kids’ moms get out of the car and go get them. Big kids just come out of camp and jump in the car all by themselves. I was so thrilled that she was excited to do big kid stuff. When I got there at pickup time, I saw her friend’s mom behind me in her car, so I jumped out to kibbitz.
Unfortunately, the kids were let out a few minutes early and she came running out to the car, all wide-eyed and smiling and drunk with Big Girl power—until she saw me standing outside the car. All of a sudden her eyes filled with tears, her lips started quivering, and she said quietly, “Mama, you promised you’d stay in the car.” I said, “Oops! I’ll jump in right now!” But the magic was gone. The tears came, the sadness, the agony of having her Big Girl Moment stolen from her by mean old chatty cathy mama. I gave her all my explanations and promises to really do it next time, but she was inconsolable at the loss of something she had obviously been thinking about and planning and looking forward to all day. If that afternoon had a headline it would have been, “MOTHER RUINS BIG GIRL’S DEBUTANTE MOMENT.” I really did feel bad because I could see how much it had meant to her.

She finally recovered from the disappointment when I promised that we’d do a Big Girl Dropoff the next morning wherein she would get out of the car all by herself and I would stay in it no matter what. However, the Bad Mommy struck again. I may have mentioned that Bambina likes Vitamin Water. I grabbed a couple of bottles on sale and gave her some at dinner. That night said she had a stomachache and was having trouble getting to sleep. I had to go sit with her until she finally settled down around 9:30pm. Today at lunch I grabbed the bottle to pour myself some, when I noticed that the water was yellower than our usual orange kind, and the small writing on the bottle read, “citrus + guarana.” GUARANA??! Oh my god, I caffeinated my kid at dinner! With some questionable herbal concoction! No wonder she felt unpleasant and sleepless, which I now felt, but for entirely different reasons. I called the BBDD to confess, as if he was the parental licensing board. He was so solicitous that it made me feel worse.

In any case, I’m 0 for 3 for 24 hours. Stay tuned, because the day ain’t over yet.

Writing Class: Week Two

2009-07-11T06:51:00.009-04:00

Oh, it just keeps getting better, folks! Not necessarily my writing, mind you. But certainly the entertainment value of the characters in my class. Allow me to go around the room:

1. Me. Nutty as a fruitcake. My writing? Too much about me, not enough about the subject. Or rather, the subject as seen by me, rather than the subject as it is. Kind of a metaphor for how I roll, isn't it? Sad to say. But I'm havin' fun!

2. Next to me, Cloris Leachman. Sans the humor.

3. Next to her, Lewis Black's unfunny cousin. Best exchange of the night from this man who has taken four Memoir classes?
"I have literally no memories of my life. I don't remember anything, so I tend to make stuff up."
Teacher: "Please don't say that out loud to anyone else, because that's not memoir, that's fiction."
Him: "Ah, it's all the same." Okaaaay. Just don't piss off Oprah with your lying, okay?

4. Next, the Shaman. With a simultaneously effeminate yet overly-deep voice. He's had so many professions I can't begin to list them, but "shaman" is one that I recall from his bio in the first class. Leading me to wonder, how does one become a shaman? Are there courses for that too? And can you decide, as this man did, to just pack it in and go be a lawyer? He has found, in his writing, a way to describe water as the sun sets on it. It involves listing as many crayola colors as possible separated by hyphens. His single-spaced three page essay was, for me, unreadable. It reeked, as they say, of effort. Like, how many adjectives can I use to describe this thing? How many ways can I say "went" or "did" without using those words? How can I get my money's worth out of my thesaurus?

5. A professor from Harvard whose writing is fabulous. Sister, why the hell are you in this class?! If I'm uncharitable, I say that it's to embarrass all of us beginners. If I'm less uncharitable, perhaps she is a holdover from the Bush FBI and is infiltrating any and all fat-headed groups to ensure no al-qaeda poets show up.

6. A hippie girl. Ever notice that whenever there is a guy playing the bongo drums in a park that there is at least one hippie chick "dancing" to it, peasant skirt and long hair twirling as she goes? This is that woman. Her writing is florid, full of multi-adjectival clauses and medieval references, all seeking to pay homage to her cat.

7. Jeanne Kirkpatrick. Or at least, her very serious and humorless doppelganger.

8. Robert Redford's brother. In the Kevin-not-Matt-Dillon sense. You can see the genes, but the hot ones went to the other kid. He is actually rather interesting in a completely not-annoying way, as is his writing. So no slam this week on Kevin Redford.

9. Cute Semitic Man. He's cool and he writes beautifully and sparingly. He's also not in a race to Say The Most in class. I appreciate that kind of confidence.

10. My friend, the writer. Just a completely normal human who writes beautifully--and who has the ability to speak volumes with her eyes in this class.

11. Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club. Kind of disheveled and utterly silent. It's almost like she was a presence in the room rather than an actual student. I bet she writes like Hemingway.

12. Finally, "It's Pat." She's definitely a woman. But boy does she make you jump through hoops to see it. She's in I.T. Her passion is microorganisms, specifically malaria. She speaks at length in class then follows it up with, "I'm not making any sense; I'll stop now." Courage, woman! Courage! If you're going to expound on one line of a story for 10 minutes, at least have the courage of your convictions to think, "I am talking sense!" Even if you're not.

Money well-spent, kids. Money well-spent.

Bloodcurdling

2009-07-10T23:50:00.010-04:00

Bambina has seasonal allergies. She has also been having headaches for a few weeks now. So we took her to the doctor to determine if she has additional seasonal allergies causing the headaches or whether they were a side effect of the meds she was taking for those allergies. At the visit, the doctor decided to do a blood panel to test for specific allergies. Well, let me tell you a story, friends, about that green piece of lab paper.

As soon as Bambina heard the doctor say, "blood test" she immediately began saying, 'I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that," as if repetition would make the grownups say, "Oh, okay. Never mind, since you're not doing that." I felt rather bad for her because it took the doctor some time to fill out the green form after having uttered the B word. So the threat was just hanging over her for a good five to six minutes as we sat there watching him write, during which time she kept alternating between, "Mama, do I have to get a needle?" and "I'm not doing that." When he finally finished the sheet, we walked to the lab. Cue the tears, the begging, the pleading. At the lab we encountered MORE waiting, which only gave Bambina more time to perseverate on her impending needle-induced doom, which made her cry louder, start screaming and swaying and generally just lose her shit in the waiting area.

When we were finally called, all hell broke loose. She ran for it. I had to drop my purse and chase after her, I kid you not. Then when I fireman-carried her back, I sat her on my knee in the lab chair. She thrashed and rocked and screamed like she was being abducted. I swear to god, I have never seen her so insane, so feral in my entire life. I had my arms all the way around her body and arms, with her legs stuck behind my legs so she would stop kicking the (rather useless with children, might I add) phlebotomist lady. It was hell on earth. She thrashed so hard I had to let go of her for fear that I might actually break her arm if I held on. I decided that today was not our day and said that we'd return when our heads weren't spinning 360 degrees and we weren't barfing pea soup on a priest.

I realized as we drove home (with an exhausted Bambina slumped asleep in her car seat) that I had violated the Prime Directive of Raising Bambina: No Surprises. This child can do anything if she is mentally prepared. Need to remove a splinter? I have to talk her through it for 15 minutes before she'll let me do it. The entire time I'm saying, "My love, if you'll just let me near your finger we can have this done in 10 seconds..." But she can't and won't do it. She needs to process it and accept it before she can let it happen. Then and only then can I take my 10 seconds and remove the splinter. Same with the dentist. We went for an x-ray and all of a sudden they had her in a chair to do a filling. I could see her Capital F freaking out and I told the dentist we'd come back another day. I'm sure they thought I was some indulgent mother feeding her child's fears, but the truth is that I just simply know what my kid can handle. That filling was not going to happen. One way or another, Bambina was going to sabotage that situation, and I didn't want it to happen post-novocaine or god forbid mid-needle.

But I forgot all of that until my child went rogue at the doctor's office and I painfully realized my error. So we went back two days later. I'm not going to insult your intelligence and say that she was happy, but having had a couple of days to process it, she accepted that this was her fate, that the blood would be taken. She still screamed, but did not kick and thrash. I told her not to look at the needle, to look at me, and to count all the way to 100, because if we made it to 100 we were going to the gift shop to buy one of those cool-looking $2.50 starfish she had been coveting. So there we were, me: "eleven, twelve..." Her: "THIRTEEEEN! FOURTEEEEN! Whimper! Scream! FIFTEEEEEEEEEEEN!" It was still a scene. But not a rout.

I dealt with the whole blood situation with a mixture of shock, horror and pride. I was shocked at the intensity of her reaction and of her physical resistance. I was horrified that she was running--RUNNING--away from me, screaming, in public. I was proud of her because (as I said to the BBDD that night) "this kid is not going down without a fight." Think about it. This 30 pound child outwitted, outlasted and outthrashed two grown adults. Two adults could not hold her. She was like Rodney King on PCP. I was proud because it spoke to a survival instinct; one that I never want her to lose. I told the BBDD, when the revolution comes, this child will not be against the wall. She will pummel the damn wall down and run for the hills. She will survive where others perish, because if this is how she reacts to 80 seconds of a needle, I can't fathom what she's got up her sleeve for something truly serious.

I have a little notebook in which I write to her, about her. It contains all of her first words, her first steps, and other milestones she'll perhaps want to know when she's older. In today's entry, I told her this story and finished with:

"When some people see you, they will see a cute, sweet, tiny, petite pretty girl. Those people will underestimate you at their peril." I sure did.

Louis Louis

2009-07-10T23:16:00.002-04:00

Perhaps the funniest riff I've ever heard on having kids, by comedian Louis CK. It's long--and rather dirty--but so funny I was crying laughing. Enjoy!

Creative Writing I and II

2009-07-05T06:45:00.009-04:00

So I'm taking a writing class. This particular class deals with the effective writing of essays, which seem to be my stock in trade. It's interesting to learn that there are different techniques for writing quality essays, depending on what effect you wish them to have. So in that regard, I'm enjoying it even if I feel like I'm a little bit in over my head, especially since we are "workshopping" which means we all read and comment on each other's work. I'm taking the class with a friend who is a fabulous and accomplished writer, so I derive comfort from having her there to discuss the work. But can we talk about the rest of the class for a moment? I recognize that perhaps these groups are like AA, so I'm not supposed to judge lest I be judged. But, seriously, folks. At least 80% of this class seems to be populated by what I can only call Professional Writing Class Attendees.

We went around the room for introductions/background/favorite books, etc. Me? "Hi, I'm E. I was in nonprofit and political work before being a stay-at-home. I write a blog read by tens of people. I'd like to learn how to do it better and to perhaps expand some previous posts for potential publishing. This is my first class ever. My favorite author is Flannery O'Connor." Almost everyone else: "Hi, I'm Jimbob. I work in IT for a major publishing company I won't name. Heh heh. This is my seventh course. I took Memoir I, Memoir II, Navelgazing III, Character Sketch I and II, Creative Nonfiction and Publishers: Friend or Foe." I'd like to find out how to have my book on antiques published. My favorite authors in no particular order are (insert 9 names here)...I'm hoping to get (insert long-winded somethingorother here) out of this class."

At first these introductions made me feel scared, like, wow, I am so green. How will my writing measure up to the writing of these experienced individuals? They are totally going to hate my writing, so lacking in formal writing education that it is. Oh my god, should I have taken Memoir I and Memoir II before doing this? Sh*t! Why didn't I sign up for Character Sketch I For Beginners before jumping into this Intermediate level class?!! I have no business being here! GAAAH! Then I gave myself the same advice I give Bambina when she is overtired and getting jiggy and silly: "Calm your body down now. Let's calm our bodies, okay?" So I took a breath, settled down, and decided to just let it happen. If I suck, I suck. It's not like I'm getting a grade. It's not like the world will open up and swallow me if Jimbob hates my essay. Let's assume these are all nice people, however literarily fat-headed, who aren't getting psyched up to wield a red pen on poor E's beginner works.

But then I got worked up again as we read Death of a Moth by Virginia Woolf. I was thinking, "Wow, this is the most boring thing I've ever read." Meanwhile, the rest of the class was waxing rhapsodic on how "it was at this point in the narrative that I really started to care about the moth," and "I can sense the narrator's ambivalence when she writes...." It was like people were competing to say the most erudite thing about anything we read. Meanwhile, I got none of those erudite things from the essay. None of them. So cue the internal drama once again: Oh my god, I don't get literature, I shouldn't be here..." Then we read Sacagawea by Sherman Alexie, whom I love, and I felt better, realizing that I don't have to like everything or pretend to just for the benefit of my classmates. I felt immensely better after the class when I confided my heresy to my accomplished writer friend, who said, "Oh my god! 'I started to care about the moth'?! I still don't care about the moth! That was boring!" I love her. For being so real--and for being real enough to not feel like she has to compete to be the "literati" of the class.

So this is my plan: Learn to write essays. Have fun doing it. Have fun exploring new things that make me feel unqualified. Live in that uncertainty and enjoy it. Know that I am SO using these people and this class as fodder for my first book. :)

Resignation Consternation

2009-07-04T22:37:00.007-04:00

Please promise me you will watch--or at least read--the Sarah Palin resignation speech:
huffingtonpost.com

Wowity wow wow wow. I generally don't find myself speechless about speeches, but darlings, Governor Palin has shut my mouth. A week ago I could not conceive of a political speech that would "out-Sanford" Mark Sanford's, but here we are. I can only describe it as manic, rambling, bizarre and delivered in precisely the same way in which I delivered the "Friends, Romans, Countrymen" mandatory speech back in high school. You know of which I speak: when you have memorized something for immediate consumption, and you must breathlessly blurt it as fast as you can in order to not forget any of it; pausing for effect = death.

What to make of this speech's content, then? She talks at length about all the "wasted" money spent investigating her dealings, and how that is not fair to the people of Alaska. She talks about the attacks on her new baby Trig. And then she boils it down to the fact that she doesn't want to be a lame duck governor who will "travel around the state, to the Lower 48 (maybe), overseas on international trade - as so many politicians do. And then I thought - that's what's wrong - many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and "milk it". I'm not putting Alaska through that - I promised efficiencies and effectiveness! That's not how I am wired."

So is that the choice? Stay and be a milker, or resign and be noble? How about staying and--since you are not facing reelection--be bold for the people of Alaska without regard to your electoral prospects? It could be liberating, and it's been done before by many many people. Which raises the questions: Why resign? Why now? Why so speedily? Why the nod to the unfair investigations? Well, the thought is afoot that some kind of corruption scandal is about to break, regarding state contracts awarded to companies who essentially built her house for free, among other things.

Time will tell. Is this really about family and the good people of Alaska? Or is it about something more? We'll find out. In the meantime, we can take heart with the following wise words to the people of Alaska from Governor Palin: "Our destiny to be reached by responsibly developing our natural resources. This land, blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, AND oil and gas. It's energy! God gave us energy."

Obligatory Michael Jackson Post

2009-06-29T22:36:00.005-04:00

1. I did love him back when he was normal. I thought he was so cute in his Off The Wall days (oh like you didn't own it!) However, I was well into hair bands by the time Thriller rolled around so I couldn't have cared less about him by that point. That said--he made some truly monumental contributions to the music scene then--and now if you consider the artists who try to emulate or best him.

2. But...I recall him being a pedophile, right? Are we not supposed to remember that?

3. I realize he was acquitted in one case and settled out of court in another, all of which should absolve him. But I remember watching the interview in which he talked about how he and a bunch of boys not his children would hang out in his bed. I remember thinking, "On what f&(ing planet is this not an outrage--even if not criminal;--on what planet is this not profoundly creepy and Not Okay?!!" Apparently, on Earth.

4. I'm glad I didn't die on the same day as Michael Jackson. Farrah Who? Ed McWho? Joe Shmowho?

5. Seeing Joseph Jackson (MJ's father) at the BET awards last night answered all my questions about how a man with so much could end up so completely f*&ked up. His father, when asked about Michael, said, "I can't talk about Michael and the funeral right now, but my friend and I have started a new record label! Hey Marshall, tell 'em about the record label!" I shit you not. Three days since his son died and he's pimping his new record label. That's what my friend Andre would call "triflin'." Andre is right.

6. I'm pretty sure that all of Michael's famous debts will be paid in full now that his music is selling like it's 1985.

7. I wish him--as I do almost all people who've passed--peace at long last.

Moon-Spoon-June-Crap Typhoon

2009-06-29T21:15:00.014-04:00

Folks, June cannot end soon enough for this girl. That's all I'm sayin'. Wow. What a hellish month. I'm aware many world-shattering events took place on a global scale, but what I'm speaking of is, of course, moi.

First up, I got Fifth Disease. You know Fifth Disease. It's that childhood disease you've never heard of but that SUCKS if you get it as an adult. It's such a crap disease that the people who compiled the list of the six childhood rash diseases never actually named it. It didn't even merit "Measles, Jr." It was just the fifth disease on the list and that was that. Friends, that disease TORE through Bambina's preschool. Eight out of the ten kids got it, the teachers got it (one very seriously to the point of almost rheumatoid arthritis), I got it, then Bambina got it, then two other parents got it, rounded out by a final parent who presented last week with massive joint inflammation and soul-crushing fatigue. I do not even want to tell you how rotten Fifth Disease was (Oh hell, of course I do). I seriously could barely move my feet in the morning. I limped around my house for 15 minutes till it passed. I was certain I was getting rheumatoid arthritis. I couldn't move my wrists very well, could barely walk on my knees, could not rotate my shoulders. I'm not kidding. I was seriously scared that I had either far-reaching GVHD of the joints or that I was getting RA. Was going to bed at 8pm, sleeping all night and still feeling like I hadn't rested at all. I had to be retrieved by my MIL and her friend from the Ikea 40 minutes away because I felt like I was going to pass out in the middle of the Skvargnen display. Can you imagine how pathetic a scene that is?! Falling into a giant basket of Ndorglingkvorsten? Not to mention I had Bambina with me, so it was scary as well as ludicrous. After that I went to my doctor who diagnosed Fifth after I mentioned that some kids in Bambina's class had it. He was like, "DUH!! Textbook! It's a virus, so you're just going to have to live through it." Fabulous.

But then it got better. By which I mean much, much worse. Bambina got it next. Only, she got the classic childhood symptoms which are: None, except for a spreading rash that starts on the face. This child (read = I) was awake every night for 5 nights ALL NIGHT itching and crying. I swear to god, I was on the edge of my sanity for lack of sleep. We went to the doctor after realizing that cortisone and every single other OTC product was useless against this itch, and finally got some prescription relief--and thank god--some sleep.

Shortly thereafter I came down with what I thought was C. Diff. I'll let you google it so that I can maintain a meager shred of dignity in this forum. Suffice to say: ugliness on a truly unbearable scale. We traveled to NJ for a family event before the situation had reached its critical mass, and I can honestly say that it's the first time in my life I've ever been thinking to myself in polite company, "Do not shit your pants, E. Do not shit your pants." I'm all about the dignity, you see. Anyway, we ended up leaving NJ early because I spiked a fever and (see above) became aware that I was finding it harder and harder to "manage my personal situation," shall we say, even though I hadn't eaten in 3 days. We headed to the ER, where they gave me perhaps the most horrifying and ass-kicking antibiotic second only to vancomycin: flagyl. So now I was not only crapping myself, I was vomiting as well. GOOD TIMES!!!

Now here's where I learned my lesson. I contacted my transplant doctor as well as my PCP. Transplant doc says, "You don't have c. diff; you have an adenovirus. Stop the flagyl. I"m not extremely concerned about this." Me: "WHAT THE F*CK?!!! I guess I wouldn't be 'extremely concerned' either about losing 5 pounds in 3 days if I wasn't the one doing it, a**hole!" I was hating him so much because I was terror-stricken at stopping the flagyl and having it all come roaring back. I mean, everyone said I had c. diff. I had all the symptoms of c. diff. I was the poster child for someone who had c. diff. My website popped up if you googled "c. diff." But Dr. KnowItAll was positive I'm getting marginally better not because of the flagyl but because the virus was simply running its course. Dr. KnowItAll claimed to have seen all this before. Dr. KnowItAll kept talking to me like 'why are you hoping it's c. diff?' Dr. KnowItAll was on my last, hungry-but-nauseous, physically-drained, spent nerve.

Dr. KnowItAll was--as you probably surmised--right. I got completely better 2 days after stopping the flagyl.

Happy days, right?! WRONG! A few days later, Bambina got it. And she's still not totally better. She missed her first day of camp today, still isn't really eating, had an obligatory ER visit for dehydration at 2am Sunday, and generally is struggling. Which means so am I. Which means all of us at Chez Haggis are ready to bid adieu to June in the hope for a better July.

So yeah, I know that Iran has erupted, politicians are poking their peckers everywhere, Congress is dithering on health care, and that Michael Jackson "The King of Pop" died. I know it. I'll just care more as soon as I can free myself from monitoring the bowel movements of other humans.

ps--On a serious note, the Ikea Incident actually gave Bambina and I the opportunity to have a really important chat about what she should do if an adult she is with is ever incapacitated. It's something we generally never think to discuss with our kids, but believe me, the only thing keeping me vertical that morning was the fact that I knew she would not have known what to do if I had dropped. Would some "well-meaning" stranger tell her to go with him or her? Would she know to tell them who to contact for me? Would she know to STAY WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS until a family member or the following 3 pre-approved friends arrived? The answer at that time was NO. But now it's yes. Which you might want to consider for your own kid too. Just in case you ever get Fifth Disease. :)

El Gobierno del Amor

2009-06-24T21:36:00.008-04:00

First, massive sympathy for his wife and kids. Disclaimer accepted?

Okay.

I LOVED Mark Sanford's press conference today. Rambling, self-indulgent, stream-of-consciousness. An absolute disaster.

Oh sure, the GOPers who like to circle wagons at times like these will say, "He showed courage" and "What honesty!" But let's be clear on motivation here: Dude got honest 'cause dude got caught. So all his talk of violating "God's laws" and asking for "forgiveness" will no doubt get him the Christian Right's support, but anyone else listening will likely think as I did: "You are a selfish fuck, Mark Sanford." Kinda like Bill Clinton. You remember him, right? The man of whom Mark Sanford said:

"I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally (to resign)... I come from the business side, if you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he'd be gone."

About voting to impeach Clinton, "I think what he did in this matter was reprehensible... I feel very comfortable with my vote."

Let's ask a few additional questions, shall we?

1. Who paid for these trips to Argentina?
2. Isn't leaving your state with no contingency, no succession plan a gross violation of the duties of the office?
3. How did The State (the local newspaper) get those embarrassingly-cheesy emails between him and his girlfriend?
4. Can we put paid to the lie that the Left is hypocritical because we'd be supporting him if he were a Dem? We sure wouldn't--if he were a Dem who RAN and WON on being a God-fearing Christian who is therefore better and more moral than others.
5. What kind of guy uses the two week separation he and his wife agreed upon--as a linchpin of their marital repair--to go to Argentina to see his girlfriend?
6. Why is it that the GOP of SC wanted his head on a stick when they thought he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail, but now that he's said he was actually shtupping a lady in Buenos Aires, they think he's courageous and "honest?" That's a pretty good deal if you think about it, isn't it?
7. Why was Governor Sanford OUTSOURCING his infidelity to South America? That is just unfair to good old American homewreckers.

Again, I don't care who the guy sleeps with. I simply care that he held himself up as someone better than those who faced similar troubles, someone who had little sympathy for those who faced similar troubles--and now he's asking forgiveness for those troubles. Cry me a river, Sanford.

Englsh Fiirst

2009-06-22T20:28:00.008-04:00

I love when a conference dedicated to issues such as "English First" has a misspelled banner. Thank God Pat Buchanan is holding off the barbarians at the gate who would ruin our blessed language. I find everything Buchanan does to be reprehensible, but especially his remarks at the conference deriding Supreme Court nominee Sonya Sotomayor. She had said that she “spent summers reading children’s classics she had missed in a Spanish-speaking home and ‘re-teaching’ herself to write ‘proper English’ by reading elementary grammar books.”

Buchanan finds this all very funny. I find it to be rather inspiring. Here is a woman who humbled herself to learn all she could. Who shows contempt for someone doing what she needs to do to better write English and understand some great books from literature? Only Pat Buchanan can take what would be--to a non-diseased mind--an inspiring example of someone raised in a Spanish-speaking home who worked tirelessly to learn and absorb English, and turn it into a means of diminishing her entire educational history.

I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but it must be said again: Buchanan is an asshole in any language.

Iran So Far Away

2009-06-16T13:45:00.009-04:00

Oh my. What a scene over in Iran, the protests in reaction to the election results in which Mahmoud Ahmadinejad apparently won handily, even in areas heavily populated by opposition supporters. There are many talking heads calling for President Obama to speak more "forcefully" on the matter, lest he prove that he is indeed soft and weak on foreign policy.

McCain said, "He should speak out that this is a corrupt, flawed sham of an election and that the Iranian people have been deprived of their rights."

Various rightie blogs are calling on him to stop giving aid and comfort to the Iranian regime. Various leftie blogs are calling on him to fully support the protesters so as to enhance their position.

But this from George W. Bush's chief diplomat in Iran: “President Ahmadinejad would like nothing better than to see a very aggressive series of statements by the United States that would try to put the U.S. in the center of this, and I think President Obama is avoiding that quite rightly...This is not a dispute for the U.S. to be the center of; it’s up to Iranians to decide who Iran’s future leaders will be. He said he respects Iran’s sovereignty. I think it was important to do that.”

I think Obama has this situation sussed, as well as one can. He's playing the long game:

Obama noted that Iranian policy would not be much different under Mousavi, particularly since the real rulers of Iran are the clerics, headed up by Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. "It's important to understand that although there is amazing ferment taking place in Iran, the difference between Ahmadinejad and Mousavi, in terms of their actual policies, may not be as great as has been advertised...either way we were going to be dealing with an Iranian regime that has historically been hostile to the United States, that has caused problems in the neighborhood and is pursuing nuclear weapons."

This is a man who understands the situation, the history, the stakes. Contrast that--those of you who wonder what foreign policy under President John McCain might have been like--with the immediate reaction of the Senator from Arizona. The neocons are angling for a fight with Iran, want to avoid direct talks, and generally can't envision a future without some kind of conflict between our two countries. That conflict may come, but Obama knows well enough to let it play out of its own volition, rather than inserting the US and our baggage into the current crisis.